Gramps and Jadon
From the mind of the four-year-old36 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
Funny short piece. At that age, kids are not equip with a social filter. They say what they feel and that's it.
I would like out " I queried him. This could do without a speak tag since the reader knows who is answering Jadon's question. Also, when you use tags like that it jumps out. If you must use a tag, stick to said or asked. Readers are used to them.
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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Funny short piece. At that age, kids are not equip with a social filter. They say what they feel and that's it.
I would like out " I queried him. This could do without a speak tag since the reader knows who is answering Jadon's question. Also, when you use tags like that it jumps out. If you must use a tag, stick to said or asked. Readers are used to them.
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I so understand. LOL I enjoyed reading this contest entry. You said it all in 148 words, plot, characters, and setting. Good job. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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I so understand. LOL I enjoyed reading this contest entry. You said it all in 148 words, plot, characters, and setting. Good job. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
Comment from mfowler
'Sometimes I like silence.'
Oh, that sounds so much like a grandfather, not a four year old. Your sweet story gives a lovely twist on life when an adult's continued playing of music proves too much. They're usually the ones banging the saucepan lids or. Screaming till their voices go hoarse. A lovely re telling of a memory. Best of luck with the vote.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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'Sometimes I like silence.'
Oh, that sounds so much like a grandfather, not a four year old. Your sweet story gives a lovely twist on life when an adult's continued playing of music proves too much. They're usually the ones banging the saucepan lids or. Screaming till their voices go hoarse. A lovely re telling of a memory. Best of luck with the vote.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
Comment from c_lucas
Sometimes silence is music to the ears, regardless of the age factor. This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Sometimes silence is music to the ears, regardless of the age factor. This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
Comment from dmt1967
'"Don't you like the Morrison sisters?" I (queried) him.' (asked or enquired), I would personally leave out speech tags as there are only two people in the scene or change them to action tags.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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'"Don't you like the Morrison sisters?" I (queried) him.' (asked or enquired), I would personally leave out speech tags as there are only two people in the scene or change them to action tags.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for sugestion, reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
And sometimes we do, 'just like silence.' that is.
I can picture Jaden talking to his grandpa.
Cute dialogue and one that Grandpa will never forget.
A memory good enough to keep.
:-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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And sometimes we do, 'just like silence.' that is.
I can picture Jaden talking to his grandpa.
Cute dialogue and one that Grandpa will never forget.
A memory good enough to keep.
:-) Carolyn
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
Comment from Zue65
I enjoyed this very short family non-fiction and it reminded me of the times I spent talking with my grandmother on my father side. You incorporated all the elements which will make a complete story from beginning to end. Excellent write, God bless.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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I enjoyed this very short family non-fiction and it reminded me of the times I spent talking with my grandmother on my father side. You incorporated all the elements which will make a complete story from beginning to end. Excellent write, God bless.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
Comment from JBCaine
Author X-
Art Linkletter was right, wasn't he?
Kids are always good for a bit of honest commentary, even when it's not what you wanted to hear... Nicely done.
JBCaine-
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Author X-
Art Linkletter was right, wasn't he?
Kids are always good for a bit of honest commentary, even when it's not what you wanted to hear... Nicely done.
JBCaine-
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
Comment from Spiritual Echo
A very touching story without some of the schmaltz we--myself included--tend to write about our relationship with grandchildren.
I hope you're still getting royalties.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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A very touching story without some of the schmaltz we--myself included--tend to write about our relationship with grandchildren.
I hope you're still getting royalties.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
Comment from Mary Wakeford
What a precious memory to record for the times. Your little Jaydon sounds like a cutie pie. You've met the challenge of more than 100 and less than 1000 very succinctly.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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What a precious memory to record for the times. Your little Jaydon sounds like a cutie pie. You've met the challenge of more than 100 and less than 1000 very succinctly.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
When I saw the writing prompt for ?I remember? I was immediately transported back, in my mind, to this somewhat incoherent and yet extremely precious interchange with my grandson. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing with such extreme kindness and the five beautiful stars that you have given Gramps and Jadon. May God bless you!
