Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 378 "Driftwood"Small and Specialty Poems
16 total reviews
Comment from ciliverde
Another great poem. I see you are also a fan of the Welsh forms. This one reads in a musical, appealing way - I enjoyed the feel of it. Those are some nice, big tree stumps you've got there. Not so big as the redwood stumps that used to wash up on Northern Cal. beaches, but still.
"Flotsam down the river drifts,
'Til currents shift it to shore
Where it sits upon the beach.
Roots reach nowhere anymore." I love this stanza, and the rhymes of drift with shift. Also enjoyed the last line, touching on those no-longer useful roots.
"Driftwood sitting patiently,
Expectantly, waiting rise,
Then flood waters come along,
Current strong, releasing ties." the second of my two favorite stanzas here. This just feels so nicely gwydd-ish. Also, the tone reminds me of Gynt somewhat (which is a compliment).
I do wish you'd read one of mine, as we're fans of the same form. Sorry, I'm a probably a pest, and I am a huge fan of these Gwydds.
Carol
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Another great poem. I see you are also a fan of the Welsh forms. This one reads in a musical, appealing way - I enjoyed the feel of it. Those are some nice, big tree stumps you've got there. Not so big as the redwood stumps that used to wash up on Northern Cal. beaches, but still.
"Flotsam down the river drifts,
'Til currents shift it to shore
Where it sits upon the beach.
Roots reach nowhere anymore." I love this stanza, and the rhymes of drift with shift. Also enjoyed the last line, touching on those no-longer useful roots.
"Driftwood sitting patiently,
Expectantly, waiting rise,
Then flood waters come along,
Current strong, releasing ties." the second of my two favorite stanzas here. This just feels so nicely gwydd-ish. Also, the tone reminds me of Gynt somewhat (which is a compliment).
I do wish you'd read one of mine, as we're fans of the same form. Sorry, I'm a probably a pest, and I am a huge fan of these Gwydds.
Carol
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Thank you Carol. I wil take a look.
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Oh, I've got Gynt onto it too - he wrote gwydds in the last couple of days, but may not have posted them yet.
Comment from Nottoway
You take the reader on a journey which incites them to wonder. I have often pondered the journey of the flotsam seen along mighty rivers. And it is true-the stump which has been displaced and discard, simply awaits the might of the raging water which will carry it to parts unknown.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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You take the reader on a journey which incites them to wonder. I have often pondered the journey of the flotsam seen along mighty rivers. And it is true-the stump which has been displaced and discard, simply awaits the might of the raging water which will carry it to parts unknown.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Nottoway. Yes, it if a simple thought, but profound when you really think about it. Someday, I t may end up on an ocean beach somewhere, or down in the Bayou.
Comment from Just2Write
So sad, really. A grand tree that's life was cut short. Great epathy for the tree. A good insight into man's reckless destruction of living things. Tangled roots, that perhaps may become home to a muskrat or shore birds. Nature does try to recycle. This is the 2nd Awdl Gwydd I've read this week. Yours and Dean's. I quite like both of them.
Rose.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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So sad, really. A grand tree that's life was cut short. Great epathy for the tree. A good insight into man's reckless destruction of living things. Tangled roots, that perhaps may become home to a muskrat or shore birds. Nature does try to recycle. This is the 2nd Awdl Gwydd I've read this week. Yours and Dean's. I quite like both of them.
Rose.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Rose. I forgot to mention the Deans inspired mine.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I have been working on one of these. I found the 7 syllable meter to be the hard part. I see you had that problem as well. The key is to realize it is trionic meter not iambic. When Carol(ciliverde) told me that secret I finally got it! Nice try Tom. Great picture and story. Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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I have been working on one of these. I found the 7 syllable meter to be the hard part. I see you had that problem as well. The key is to realize it is trionic meter not iambic. When Carol(ciliverde) told me that secret I finally got it! Nice try Tom. Great picture and story. Nancy
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Nancy.
Comment from Pantygynt
We are going to have to make you an honorary Welsh man, Tom, if you go on doing lovely things with Welsh forms.
Seldom have I seen simple scientific fact explained so eloquently as here. For eight years I lived in an old water mill on the banks of a small river that was subject to flash flooding from time to time. The stuff brought down and temporarily marooned on our banks was amazing.
On one occasion I saw an arm sticking out of the the water. With a a sick feeling I waded out to it only to find a tailor's dummy below the surface.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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We are going to have to make you an honorary Welsh man, Tom, if you go on doing lovely things with Welsh forms.
Seldom have I seen simple scientific fact explained so eloquently as here. For eight years I lived in an old water mill on the banks of a small river that was subject to flash flooding from time to time. The stuff brought down and temporarily marooned on our banks was amazing.
On one occasion I saw an arm sticking out of the the water. With a a sick feeling I waded out to it only to find a tailor's dummy below the surface.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Pantygynt, who'd have thought one could make poetry from such rubble. Glad it was only a dummy. I found a dead and bloated deer carcass floating quite near there, that day. It would be an honor to be an honorary Welsh man, as I have several other forms planned of that ilk.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for giving us a glimpse of driftwood on the Mississippi and sharing your Welsh format. I enjoyed your use of rhyme, repeats and alliteration. I especially liked your focus on the "roots". Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you for giving us a glimpse of driftwood on the Mississippi and sharing your Welsh format. I enjoyed your use of rhyme, repeats and alliteration. I especially liked your focus on the "roots". Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 10-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Joan. I am always checking out roots. So, you likely see some more coming up.
Comment from lightink
Like in so much of your poetry, I can see here, too, that you are so deeply conned tend to your environment. You observe and take things in with so much depth!
I love this about you! Also, beautiful photo!
I love the imagery if this poem, which can also be a metaphor for life. We never know when we will be washed away - to another location or out of this life...
This is such a lovely form... One thing I noticed - sometimes within the same stanza you moved the location of the internal rhyme. I am wondering if the form allows that. I know it sounds smoother to me when they are at the same spot - but it could be just a personal preference!
Other than that, it's a thought provoking, beautifully worded piece!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Like in so much of your poetry, I can see here, too, that you are so deeply conned tend to your environment. You observe and take things in with so much depth!
I love this about you! Also, beautiful photo!
I love the imagery if this poem, which can also be a metaphor for life. We never know when we will be washed away - to another location or out of this life...
This is such a lovely form... One thing I noticed - sometimes within the same stanza you moved the location of the internal rhyme. I am wondering if the form allows that. I know it sounds smoother to me when they are at the same spot - but it could be just a personal preference!
Other than that, it's a thought provoking, beautifully worded piece!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Jyoti. Yes, the form allows for that. The unevenness is designed to make it more akin to free verse. It certainly can become a metaphor
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Thank you for the explanation! It makes sense! :)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A strong tree stood for years at one place until some one chop it down. Its roots got weak and the river water unroot it one day made from a giant tree a piece of driftwood.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
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A strong tree stood for years at one place until some one chop it down. Its roots got weak and the river water unroot it one day made from a giant tree a piece of driftwood.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
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Thank you Sandra. Yes, exactly.
Comment from I am Cat
Hi Tom,
Do you think that it works when you move the internal rhyme back and forth from the second, third, and fifth syllables? It seems uneven to me....
Flotsam down the river drifts,
'Til currents shift it to shore
Where it sits upon the beach.
Roots [reach] nowhere anymore.
(that's the second syllable, not the third, correct?)
Roots then lost the earth's firm grip.
Began a [slip] -- erosion.
(and that's syllable four, correct?)
I found that it words VERY well when it's the third,
but other than that, it's sort of 'off' sounding...
what do you think?
I mean, maybe you like it that way?
for me, it throws me off somewhat, my rhythm, that is....
and you said that was important.
for my rhythm, this one was perfect:
Once it was a mighty tree,
Proud and free on wooded bank.
'Til lumberjack took its wood,
Where it stood, a stunted shank.
but some others put me off beat... it's probably just me though. I was wondering what you thought?
I love driftwood, by the way... I have some awesome pieces and I LOVE watercoloring them and apply seed beads to them... makes for gorgeous art... subtle jewels tones or pastels... gorgeous.
:) I enjoyed reading you
Cat
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
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Hi Tom,
Do you think that it works when you move the internal rhyme back and forth from the second, third, and fifth syllables? It seems uneven to me....
Flotsam down the river drifts,
'Til currents shift it to shore
Where it sits upon the beach.
Roots [reach] nowhere anymore.
(that's the second syllable, not the third, correct?)
Roots then lost the earth's firm grip.
Began a [slip] -- erosion.
(and that's syllable four, correct?)
I found that it words VERY well when it's the third,
but other than that, it's sort of 'off' sounding...
what do you think?
I mean, maybe you like it that way?
for me, it throws me off somewhat, my rhythm, that is....
and you said that was important.
for my rhythm, this one was perfect:
Once it was a mighty tree,
Proud and free on wooded bank.
'Til lumberjack took its wood,
Where it stood, a stunted shank.
but some others put me off beat... it's probably just me though. I was wondering what you thought?
I love driftwood, by the way... I have some awesome pieces and I LOVE watercoloring them and apply seed beads to them... makes for gorgeous art... subtle jewels tones or pastels... gorgeous.
:) I enjoyed reading you
Cat
Comment Written 10-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
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Thank you Cat. According to my research, it doesn't matter. One instruction I read even said it can be anywhere the poet wants, even the first. But most say second to fifth. I checked 4 different sources. I would think you'd like it, as it becomes closer to free verse. Dean wrote on this week. Check his out.
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i'll read it again tomorrow... I'm having a rough day today, I shouldn't even be here. :(
Comment from RodG
I have always enjoyed collecting driftwood because of its uniqueness. You have personified this piece , describing how it came to rest. Some lovely imagery throughout enables us to see its journey almost like a slideshow. Without trying too hard the reader can also see this drift wood as a metaphor for himself perhaps.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
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I have always enjoyed collecting driftwood because of its uniqueness. You have personified this piece , describing how it came to rest. Some lovely imagery throughout enables us to see its journey almost like a slideshow. Without trying too hard the reader can also see this drift wood as a metaphor for himself perhaps.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
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Thank you, RodG. Yes, it certainly could.
