Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Well, Tom, you've certainly seemed to have covered all of the bases that the Dorsimbra poetry requires. At least as far as I can discern from having read your informative author's notes.

Although you've done a superb job of writing in this form while also expressing your message quite succinctly, I'm not much of a fan of this style of poetic expression. It seems too jumbled for my particular tastes. That is to take nothing away from your efforts. You've done a wonderful job here of staying true to form and adhering to the style. It's simply the way the Dorsimbra reads that I don't much care for. But, we're all very different as individuals and just as diverse in our tastes.

Well done...
~Dean

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Thank you Dean. Yes, each to their own. Appreciate your comments and honesty.

reply by Dean Kuch on 05-Mar-2016

My pleasure as always, Tom.
~Dean

Comment from Just2Write

Excellent

An excellent Dorsimbra, Tom. The form is relatively new and I like it a lot. I wrote one in 2011 and another in 2013. You use the varying paces of the 3 stanzas to create a great compliment to the photo. Loved the multi-bird family bird house. I guess we all have to adapt.
Rose.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Thank you Rose. Yup, urban living at its best. Lol.

reply by Just2Write on 04-Mar-2016

I left that jungle long ago. I now live in a place where birds have to build their own houses. LOL. Rose.

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

What an amazing photo, Tom, and how nice that someone would do that for birds.
I enjoyed your take on this photo too, you did a wonderful job. Well done, my friend. xsx Sandra.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Thank you Sandra, of course the birdhouse is one side of the Mississippi, while the buildings are on the opposite shore. I just got the angle and perspective right.

reply by Sandra Stoner-Mitchell on 04-Mar-2016

You certainly did, really clever! xx

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

This is a fascinating form but i am not entirely convinced that the three parts gell together as a whole. Perhaps we need a word of significance repeating in each part to unify the whole. Architecture is the obvious casndidate as it already repeats as part of the repeated first line. Architect also occcurs in the third stanza.

It's just a thought but for me the second stanza "floats" unfettered desperately seeking inclusion in the whole.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Hmmm, you might have a point about the form, but I thought thought "apartments in the sky" does just that.
S1 has architecture, cozy crates, and towers.
S2 has apartments in the sky, and flock top to bottom
S3 has living space, density, and urban living

So, I don't see it here. Thought I bound them well.

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

condos for birds, good job on this a nice write has great rhyming and rhythm a wonderful read thanks for sharing this and have a great day.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Thank you William.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

Thank you for the notes on the form, explaining the name and its essential components. Your photograph wonderfully contrasts and compares the bird apartment house and the modern apartment complex. I enjoyed your varied rhythms and rhymes, as you described the architecture as "crates" and similar to "Aztec's vast domains". Your play on "birds of feather flock" was quite clever as well. Cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Thanks Joan. I like your assessments. So glad you liked my poem.

Comment from lightink

Excellent

Hi Tom, Wow your notes are so detailed that it feels like you did a rather complete analysis yourself! It's sure a way of sparing the frustration of people missing most of the symbols :)!
The image is stunning and I love where your mind went with it!
Seeing a pyramid in it was quite a fun play of imagination - also, the bird theme/metaphor was a wonderful touch! Freedom is not inside a box no matter how luxurious it might be!
I love the irony of this line:
"Where even birds succumb to urban life".
Such a fine poem!

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you Jyoti. Your analysis is even better, and I am pleased.

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

Treischel this is well done using the photo to determine your words. You did it quite well and I enjoyed the juxtaposition of the towering apartments to the bird house. Patricia

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you Patricia. Glad you enjoyed it. That birdhouse is on one side of the Mississippi, those buildings are on the other.

Comment from vapros

Exceptional

Your carefully-fashioned post is an apt commentary on today's approach to the matter of constructing living space for human birds. It is thought-provoking and entertaining at the same time. I will take your word that it conforms to the requirements to this new verse form. Well done.

v

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you vapors fir the wonderful review and all the stars. Much appreciated.

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

Excellent writing and my favorite is the first stanza. As for the Dorsimbra, it sounds complicated. Just give me free verse..Smile. I just want to write, without having to count syllables or lines. To each his own.

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you Nika2016. I like to try every possible style.