THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Empire's Stability VS. Corl"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
39 total reviews
Comment from Walter L. Jones
As always the writer, u capture and hold still looking for doc x, book on line? Do u have publisher? The stars are for your skill set, I am working on the year, you are gifted, hope u are working on expanding yr audience, Walt
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2016
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As always the writer, u capture and hold still looking for doc x, book on line? Do u have publisher? The stars are for your skill set, I am working on the year, you are gifted, hope u are working on expanding yr audience, Walt
Comment Written 19-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2016
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I was wondering about you the other day, Walt. It is so good to hear from you again. And your six is a dramatic way to make your entrance. Thanks for that. How are you feeling, my friend?
I have less presence here this year. I decided to spend my time submitting my short stories to magazines. I got one of them accepted to be in the April issue of a literary journal called Fabula Argentea.
Again, Walt, I am thrilled to get this review because it means you're still on the site. PM me if you just want to chat.
Comment from Sis Cat
Strong characters and dialogue touched by humor and insight. Vivid imagination. Cinematic. A plot heavy with twists, surprises, and betrayals. This is a great fantasy yarn. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2016
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Strong characters and dialogue touched by humor and insight. Vivid imagination. Cinematic. A plot heavy with twists, surprises, and betrayals. This is a great fantasy yarn. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much, Andre. Gosh, I hope you got to this before it got to 2 cents. LOL, blessings, Jay
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Jay
Another excellent chapter. I so enjoy the way you use the most minute details to bring the reader into your story. Examples abound in this chapter.
The uneasy truce leaves the reader on edge, which as you might guess, I very much enjoy.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Hi, Jay
Another excellent chapter. I so enjoy the way you use the most minute details to bring the reader into your story. Examples abound in this chapter.
The uneasy truce leaves the reader on edge, which as you might guess, I very much enjoy.
:) Bev
Comment Written 17-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much, Bev. I'm thrilled you're enjoying it.
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You're very welcome, Jay. I've been in California and not doing a whole lot but drinking wine and eating great food! But all things must come to an end, and I'll be returning to arctic Michigan in ten days.
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Where are you in California?
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We're in Napa Valley, outside San Francisco. It's in the high 60's which is perfect for me :)
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Definitely grape country. And you're enjoying an uncharacteristic winter there. A light rain and 71 here tonight and tomorrow and up to 79 by next Tuesday.
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Hey, sounds good where are, too. :)
Comment from royowen
A good episode Doctex's indignation at Corl being beaten black and blue in an unjustifiable way seemed to have got a hearing from Glnot Reurther even though Doctrex ran the risk of it having far reaching affects in the province of the "Almighty Master" the letters directed to Gerol Roze, and for Reuther to life the confusion spell from Doctrex's army for his plan to work, I wonder if Reuther is partially aware of the plan? I love the mental chess game going on! Well done, Jay, blessings, Roy
Typo: Why? You said it fit(s) well.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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A good episode Doctex's indignation at Corl being beaten black and blue in an unjustifiable way seemed to have got a hearing from Glnot Reurther even though Doctrex ran the risk of it having far reaching affects in the province of the "Almighty Master" the letters directed to Gerol Roze, and for Reuther to life the confusion spell from Doctrex's army for his plan to work, I wonder if Reuther is partially aware of the plan? I love the mental chess game going on! Well done, Jay, blessings, Roy
Typo: Why? You said it fit(s) well.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Blessings and huge thanks for reading, Roy. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for your keen eye for nits as well. Will attend to it.
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Most welcome Jay
Comment from zarawest
This is my first foray into your story and from your synopsis I can see it is very complex. However, this chapter is written with good pacing and tension so that even though I am dropped into the middle of the story, I understood what was happening and cared about the characters . Two things that I noted that you may wish to revise. You have done a great job of showing the feelings and actions of the characters but in a few places the emotional piece is told rather than shown.
For example you wrote: "I waited, not wanting to interrupt this potentially volatile moment."
Rather than telling the reader it's a "potentially volatile moment" could you show that in some way by describing the character's physical reaction? something like: "I waited, my whole body rigid.
Second, I found this emotional reaction to be a bit over the top for gaining permission for a doctor to see the wounded tailor: "The joyful resolution of the clash of our opposing energies erupted inside me. I wanted to howl with the joy of that release."
This makes it sound like the tailor is the most important person in the world to him, but that doesn't come across in your character summary.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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This is my first foray into your story and from your synopsis I can see it is very complex. However, this chapter is written with good pacing and tension so that even though I am dropped into the middle of the story, I understood what was happening and cared about the characters . Two things that I noted that you may wish to revise. You have done a great job of showing the feelings and actions of the characters but in a few places the emotional piece is told rather than shown.
For example you wrote: "I waited, not wanting to interrupt this potentially volatile moment."
Rather than telling the reader it's a "potentially volatile moment" could you show that in some way by describing the character's physical reaction? something like: "I waited, my whole body rigid.
Second, I found this emotional reaction to be a bit over the top for gaining permission for a doctor to see the wounded tailor: "The joyful resolution of the clash of our opposing energies erupted inside me. I wanted to howl with the joy of that release."
This makes it sound like the tailor is the most important person in the world to him, but that doesn't come across in your character summary.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Good point about the purple prose paragraph about howling with joy. Couldn't agree more. I'll work on that. Thanks for the suggestion.
Comment from robyn corum
When is the last time I told you that you are brilliant? Well, even if it was five minutes ago, it's been tooooo long. This was such fun reading -- and the 'riggle' at the end was pure A. A. Milne. Who is one of my personal FAVORITES. Of all time. Forever. And ever. And etc.
This. Was. Fab.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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When is the last time I told you that you are brilliant? Well, even if it was five minutes ago, it's been tooooo long. This was such fun reading -- and the 'riggle' at the end was pure A. A. Milne. Who is one of my personal FAVORITES. Of all time. Forever. And ever. And etc.
This. Was. Fab.
Thanks!
Comment Written 16-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Well, I don't know what to say, Robyn. Except that I think I wet myself. LOL, thanks dear for your lovely words. About the Riggle ... If I can't end with a heart-stopping cliffhanger, I infect the ending with a little humor to grow in the reader's imagination until next Saturday night. Thanks again.
Comment from Ricky1024
chapter 23 very wonderfully written offer as a seaman and repainted a very wonderful picture very easy easy to read with the black and red a thoroughly enjoyable also and based on that theme and images on a scale of 1 to 100 easy 100 thanks 24 out
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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chapter 23 very wonderfully written offer as a seaman and repainted a very wonderful picture very easy easy to read with the black and red a thoroughly enjoyable also and based on that theme and images on a scale of 1 to 100 easy 100 thanks 24 out
Comment Written 16-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much, Ricky. I appreciate your kind words all the more because the last time we went back and forth I think each of us would have been content to strangle the other. Now I feel free to say I was quite moved by the lovely tribute you wrote to your wife ... but was afraid to review it. Again, thank you for your generous review.
Comment from Cogitator
Imagination is such a wondrous ability. You have been given such a dose that your inner self must be near explosion. Your words certainly come to life and entertain...John
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Imagination is such a wondrous ability. You have been given such a dose that your inner self must be near explosion. Your words certainly come to life and entertain...John
Comment Written 16-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Thank you, John for your generous words. Though it's not intended, you are leaving me with a strong feeling of guilt. I tried to read your last several posts, but I hit a massive wall with the political content. It doesn't matter that you brought a depth to it that is not common to political thought, but I just have such a deep-seated antipathy for politics that all comprehension shuts off when I encounter it. I hope that does my embarrassing lack of contact justice. If not, just accept my "I'm sorry, my friend."
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Jay
= I apologize, but my brain is a little fried from all the proofing and life in general, but since Doctex has been captive for a long time now, what happened to his peeps???
= Glad to see things are progressing. Hope Glnot gets his soon. Couldn't happen to a better guy. (*<*)
*** I apologize for my late response ***
= Just edited/published a new book.
= Highlighted w/plugin to = amazon.com = on my profile page.
= Working on getting caught up on reviews/reviewing.
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie <> Jax (*<*)
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Hi, Jay
= I apologize, but my brain is a little fried from all the proofing and life in general, but since Doctex has been captive for a long time now, what happened to his peeps???
= Glad to see things are progressing. Hope Glnot gets his soon. Couldn't happen to a better guy. (*<*)
*** I apologize for my late response ***
= Just edited/published a new book.
= Highlighted w/plugin to = amazon.com = on my profile page.
= Working on getting caught up on reviews/reviewing.
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie <> Jax (*<*)
Comment Written 16-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Doctrex's peeps are on the Plain of Djur under Rhuether's spell (where from dawn to dusk they bicker over who should lead the attack). And Rhuether is rescinding the spell as soon as his courier delivers Doctrex's message to his men not to attack until he gives them orders to do so. Um... it's complicated.
Thanks for reading. We're getting to the climax, believe it or not.
Comment from Ulla
I still enjoy reading,Ray, but I will admit that my mind started to wander in different direction at times. I found it a little bit drawn out. The writing is good but there could be a bit more dialogue to show what is happening. I am glad he is getting help for the Taylor. All best. Ulla
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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I still enjoy reading,Ray, but I will admit that my mind started to wander in different direction at times. I found it a little bit drawn out. The writing is good but there could be a bit more dialogue to show what is happening. I am glad he is getting help for the Taylor. All best. Ulla
Comment Written 16-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016
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Thank you, Ulla. I'll check it over and see if it needs a little tightening up.
