Our Castles In the Sand
Contest entry19 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
Excellent traditional sonnet theme of a great love that went wrong, Yelena.
You perfectly describe a dreamy poetic romance with much imagery, and your volta kicks in perfectly to describe how it couldn't last.
Top iambic pentameter and rhymes.
One of your best, IMO.
Cheers, Ray xx
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Excellent traditional sonnet theme of a great love that went wrong, Yelena.
You perfectly describe a dreamy poetic romance with much imagery, and your volta kicks in perfectly to describe how it couldn't last.
Top iambic pentameter and rhymes.
One of your best, IMO.
Cheers, Ray xx
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Thank you for the great review, Ray. This is one of my favorite pieces too. I asked Dean to help me put the music without the video. It is Sinatra, "I am a fool to want you", the song he dedicated to Ava Gardner.
Comment from Quire's Gal
Such beautiful lines and a great imagery that needed no picture. You mentioned castles (plural), so you had more than one ? Again, the words ,rhymes and sonnet structure all there and so beautiful it seems to float on air. I'm not sure the metaphor of sand castrles except a line from a song I can't remember who wrote it...
"but castles made of sand: melt into the sea...eventually." Caught that song when I was reletively young which made me a bit of a realist about love.
Your lines are so beautiful it was a pleasure to read over and over.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2016
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Such beautiful lines and a great imagery that needed no picture. You mentioned castles (plural), so you had more than one ? Again, the words ,rhymes and sonnet structure all there and so beautiful it seems to float on air. I'm not sure the metaphor of sand castrles except a line from a song I can't remember who wrote it...
"but castles made of sand: melt into the sea...eventually." Caught that song when I was reletively young which made me a bit of a realist about love.
Your lines are so beautiful it was a pleasure to read over and over.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much for such a superb review and the six stars. Wow, I am honored. I am delighted you liked my sonnet. I worked with Dean Kuch on the animation and music, he a genius at that. I am glad the overall affect worked for you.
Blessings and love, Y.
Comment from BeasPeas
Nicely composed and rhymed. Presentation is awesome.
All poem is worded well, but I especially enjoyed the
third stanza. Marilyn
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Nicely composed and rhymed. Presentation is awesome.
All poem is worded well, but I especially enjoyed the
third stanza. Marilyn
Comment Written 21-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much for the great review. I worked with Dean Kuch on the animated image and music. So glad you enjoyed this. Love, Y.
Comment from Deborah Marie
Lovely contest entry; good luck. Beautiful music too. Nice progression, rhythm, flow. Thanks for sharing and keep 'em coming, Deb
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016
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Lovely contest entry; good luck. Beautiful music too. Nice progression, rhythm, flow. Thanks for sharing and keep 'em coming, Deb
Comment Written 13-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2016
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Thank you for the great review, love, Y.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A beautiful love poem, building Castles in the sand never last for long. At the end the ocean wash the castles away and it all remains just as a vast memory.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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A beautiful love poem, building Castles in the sand never last for long. At the end the ocean wash the castles away and it all remains just as a vast memory.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much! Love, Y.
Comment from AnnaLinda
Yelena,
Your sonnet for your contest is absolutely stunning in every way!
Your metaphor of the sand castles is lovely and I liked your turn
with "structures crumbled" and are prone to change of tides and
ocean gales.
Your animated art with the fantasy castle in the background was
a lovely choice for your beautifully written sonnet. I especially
liked the following line:
"A perfect paradise, the stars were ours,"
Your ending is sad with nice imagery,
Linda
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Yelena,
Your sonnet for your contest is absolutely stunning in every way!
Your metaphor of the sand castles is lovely and I liked your turn
with "structures crumbled" and are prone to change of tides and
ocean gales.
Your animated art with the fantasy castle in the background was
a lovely choice for your beautifully written sonnet. I especially
liked the following line:
"A perfect paradise, the stars were ours,"
Your ending is sad with nice imagery,
Linda
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Linda, thank you for your lovely review. I worked with Dean Kutch on animation and music. He is a genuis in it. I am so happy to have added Sinatra, with him it's kind of complete. Consider joining us. Love, Yelena
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Yes, Sinatra - Brings a little Vegas in your poem too.
Well...I did write one of my "flash" free verse poems when I saw your contest. I told myself I was not about to step to the Sonnet Queen and Cat...lol and now Dean and others.
It's a pretty good poem...Not like your sonnet, of course. It is about my first husband...and since you met my second husband...You know all too well there could be another blue poem.
Shall I enter it for you?
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Yes, you should enter, I think. Remember, the topic is love's bittersweet memories. So there has to be something sweet as well (lol).
And all poems must have blue background. Don't mention in the comments that met your ex-husbasd (lol). The poem could be free verse, rhymed and any poetic form, as long as it has three stanza.
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Yes, the one I already wrote is about the father of my sons...so it works.
I'm not going to be writing about Jim anytime soon...I don't think.
If I enter it would be to add to the FS money for the winner.
Linda
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I totally understand. It has to be about love, biiter or sweet (smile)
Comment from Selina Stambi
Oh, be still my heart ... swoon!
Beautifully crafted sonnet. Scanned flawlessly for iambs and pentametre.
As for the accompanying song and the video clip (how on earth did you do that?) ... as I've already said ... oh, be still my heart.
Sigh ...
I really hope you win, Yeltel. Marvellous!
Smiles,
Sonali :)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Oh, be still my heart ... swoon!
Beautifully crafted sonnet. Scanned flawlessly for iambs and pentametre.
As for the accompanying song and the video clip (how on earth did you do that?) ... as I've already said ... oh, be still my heart.
Sigh ...
I really hope you win, Yeltel. Marvellous!
Smiles,
Sonali :)
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much for the superb review and six stars. I am very honored indeed. Love, Y.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I see you got everything working wonderfully, Yelena.
I'm very glad.
This poem you've entered for your contest is quite wonderfully well done as well.
It's a beautifully written sonnet on love and loss.
The rhyming couplet is outstanding.
Good luck with this!
~Dean ;)
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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I see you got everything working wonderfully, Yelena.
I'm very glad.
This poem you've entered for your contest is quite wonderfully well done as well.
It's a beautifully written sonnet on love and loss.
The rhyming couplet is outstanding.
Good luck with this!
~Dean ;)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2016
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Thank you for the great review, Dean, and for your help.
Love, Yelena
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Anytime, Yelena.
It was my pleasure.
~Dean
Comment from rspoet
You've written a very fine sonnet in blue
for the contest
True to the sonnet form
correct rhyme pattern
and fine iambic pentameter
(line seven with eleven syllables?, feminine rhyme)
The Volta turn in stanza three
and the reflective rhymed couplet
But best is the imagery, the young love
built on shifting sands
Excellent presentation in blue
with animation and music
Very well done
Best wishes in the contest
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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You've written a very fine sonnet in blue
for the contest
True to the sonnet form
correct rhyme pattern
and fine iambic pentameter
(line seven with eleven syllables?, feminine rhyme)
The Volta turn in stanza three
and the reflective rhymed couplet
But best is the imagery, the young love
built on shifting sands
Excellent presentation in blue
with animation and music
Very well done
Best wishes in the contest
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Thank you so much for the superb review and six stars. I am very honored, and delighted that you liked the piece.
Comment from Joyce Long
Best wishes for the This Shade of Blue contest. Very well done. It is sad that things don't always last. "In my heart you'll always reign supreme." I married my soul mate and we have had several years together. He is my everything. Great poem.
Joyce 02-08-16
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Best wishes for the This Shade of Blue contest. Very well done. It is sad that things don't always last. "In my heart you'll always reign supreme." I married my soul mate and we have had several years together. He is my everything. Great poem.
Joyce 02-08-16
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Thank you for the great review.
