THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Great Power-Flaunting Escapade"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
43 total reviews
Comment from Walter L. Jones
How long before before I get the six stars back, clever and well drawn, touch of the mind playing and writing, past to present, enjoyed as always!!! thak you Walt
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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How long before before I get the six stars back, clever and well drawn, touch of the mind playing and writing, past to present, enjoyed as always!!! thak you Walt
Comment Written 26-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Just keep reading, Walt. don't worry about sixes. I know you are enjoying. That's payment enough to me.
Comment from Sasha
I apologize for taking so long to get to this one. I am still only reviewing 5-6 posts a day. At this rate, I doubt I will ever put a dent into the 54 still left in my inbox. I found this a fascinating chapter and was surprised by Axtilla's refusal to accept the toast. I do hope you will provide us with her reason in the next chapter. As always, excellent work with this one.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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I apologize for taking so long to get to this one. I am still only reviewing 5-6 posts a day. At this rate, I doubt I will ever put a dent into the 54 still left in my inbox. I found this a fascinating chapter and was surprised by Axtilla's refusal to accept the toast. I do hope you will provide us with her reason in the next chapter. As always, excellent work with this one.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Sasha. Her motives are forthcoming. Get well, girl. But until you do, don't try so hard to get caught up.
Comment from Reedblitzerman
Hi Jay. I enjoyed your sense of humor which was on display here. Your characters are playful. Now that I think of it, it seems many of them kind of toy with danger. They're some nice little bits of conflict that keep the story moving. I enjoyed this section and look forward to the next. Again, enjoyable dialogue. Chiel actually seemed to be a bit of a scene stealer. Was that intentional? Maybe you like him best. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2015
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Hi Jay. I enjoyed your sense of humor which was on display here. Your characters are playful. Now that I think of it, it seems many of them kind of toy with danger. They're some nice little bits of conflict that keep the story moving. I enjoyed this section and look forward to the next. Again, enjoyable dialogue. Chiel actually seemed to be a bit of a scene stealer. Was that intentional? Maybe you like him best. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2015
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I'm so glad you enjoyed this, Reed. Chiel will play a more prominent role later. Thrilled to have you aboard.
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I certainly hope you got my thank you for your crit. This is happening too frequently. I work down my thank-you?s to about 10 and all of the sudden there are 20 that I?ve already completed back to haunt me. So I?m pasting this to all I KNOW I?ve answered. I?m sorry if it seems a tad casual, but I?m going bonkers!
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi Jay,
Just wanted to let you know I read this chapter, I've been swamped beyond belief, but I wanted to stay up to date with the stuff I've been following, The commas tripped me up in a few places and I read to get an idea of what is going on at dinner, all I gathered is something is going on, and I'm not sure what, but figure I will soon.
elbow, eyes closed[,]? and a smile twitching the corners of his lips,
cross his moustache with flourish[,] and enjoyed a brisk inhalation.
A ruddy-faced, muscular man of about thirty-five[,] stood just
(why this comma?)
inside the door, balancing a large tray, ladened with a pot, stacked bowls, serving spoons and other miscellany, on his right shoulder.
(confusing to wade through the commas in this sentence.)
She brought her face down to the level of the salad[,] and seemed "Thank you, Chiel. That will be all," she said.
(Picky eater?)
vegetables or roots were tasty, while(though?) unidentifiable.
head, and looked down at his fingertips, (which were) curled into
When the meat arrived, a pepper-blackened roast, oozing juices[,] and perched atop a tray,
She gave her consent with a dip of her head(,) and he filled her
"I will not!" Axtilla said, the veins protruding from her neck.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
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Hi Jay,
Just wanted to let you know I read this chapter, I've been swamped beyond belief, but I wanted to stay up to date with the stuff I've been following, The commas tripped me up in a few places and I read to get an idea of what is going on at dinner, all I gathered is something is going on, and I'm not sure what, but figure I will soon.
elbow, eyes closed[,]? and a smile twitching the corners of his lips,
cross his moustache with flourish[,] and enjoyed a brisk inhalation.
A ruddy-faced, muscular man of about thirty-five[,] stood just
(why this comma?)
inside the door, balancing a large tray, ladened with a pot, stacked bowls, serving spoons and other miscellany, on his right shoulder.
(confusing to wade through the commas in this sentence.)
She brought her face down to the level of the salad[,] and seemed "Thank you, Chiel. That will be all," she said.
(Picky eater?)
vegetables or roots were tasty, while(though?) unidentifiable.
head, and looked down at his fingertips, (which were) curled into
When the meat arrived, a pepper-blackened roast, oozing juices[,] and perched atop a tray,
She gave her consent with a dip of her head(,) and he filled her
"I will not!" Axtilla said, the veins protruding from her neck.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
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Thanks, as usual, Turtle. I had to paste this in word since I need to go over the suggestions when I have more time. I'm swamped!
Comment from Writingfundimension
'I glanced at Rheuther who appraised the server's every move, waiting-I believed-for a slip-up, an overturned pot, a bowl that teetered over the edge and fell.' I always enjoy your excellent sentence structure, Jay.
'I knew she was enacting her role, but something in my chest seemed to wither with her avoidance of me.' I admit this gave me just a sniggle of doubt that Axtilla may not be playing a role after all.
Wonder what is the reason for Axtilla's outburst?
Another excellent chapter, Jay.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
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'I glanced at Rheuther who appraised the server's every move, waiting-I believed-for a slip-up, an overturned pot, a bowl that teetered over the edge and fell.' I always enjoy your excellent sentence structure, Jay.
'I knew she was enacting her role, but something in my chest seemed to wither with her avoidance of me.' I admit this gave me just a sniggle of doubt that Axtilla may not be playing a role after all.
Wonder what is the reason for Axtilla's outburst?
Another excellent chapter, Jay.
:) Bev
Comment Written 02-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
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Oh, thank you, Bev for reading this like it was real. That makes me fell good!
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You're welcome, Jay, as always. :) Bev
Comment from ciliverde
What a strange dinner party! All of Rhuether's servants seem to be rather strange people - none of them are nonentities at all, and they seem to have their own opinions about whatever is going on. Chiel is no exception. All seems to be going rather well...until Axtilla refuses the toast. Why is she doing this? Has she suddenly come to the end of her endurance, with this toast (that seems simple enough?)
The intricate game continues. It's fascinating and would be one impossible to put down (were it not posted in segments ;) )
Carol
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
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What a strange dinner party! All of Rhuether's servants seem to be rather strange people - none of them are nonentities at all, and they seem to have their own opinions about whatever is going on. Chiel is no exception. All seems to be going rather well...until Axtilla refuses the toast. Why is she doing this? Has she suddenly come to the end of her endurance, with this toast (that seems simple enough?)
The intricate game continues. It's fascinating and would be one impossible to put down (were it not posted in segments ;) )
Carol
Comment Written 02-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Carol. I'm so happy this has a resonance for you. Some surprises next chapter.
Comment from Pyrrho
I assume the stilted dialog is character development and the apparently weird actions, say rather, weird mental games, are to define the characters and their somewhat strange relationships. I had difficulty understanding the 'why' of the presentation and the only character with whom I was in sympathy was the chef/server
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
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I assume the stilted dialog is character development and the apparently weird actions, say rather, weird mental games, are to define the characters and their somewhat strange relationships. I had difficulty understanding the 'why' of the presentation and the only character with whom I was in sympathy was the chef/server
Comment Written 02-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
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Well, Pyrrho, you are getting in rather late on the third of a trilogy. The characters are pretty well developed, so I will take the stilted dialogue as a negative. LOL, sorry it didn't resonate. I think you might enjoy the next chapter.
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If it pops up on my
Comment from ericawrites
This is a very interesting chapter,
holds the reader's attention from
start to finish. Good character
portrayal, interesting story,
good dialogue. Well done,
thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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This is a very interesting chapter,
holds the reader's attention from
start to finish. Good character
portrayal, interesting story,
good dialogue. Well done,
thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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Thank you so much, Erica, for your kind words. I hope you decide to come back as the story unfolds Saturday.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I do believe this is the first time I've read you, Jay. Great post - I enjoyed it despite coming into the middle of your story!
The scenes are well set and drawn out, making them easy to visualize. You write first person well - the narrator doesn't dominate as in some first person stories. He's subtle in his presence, at the same time being clearly defined.
A few things for consideration/attention:
Then, angling out his elbow, eyes closed, and a smile twitching the corners of his lips, he brought the rim sliding across his moustache with flourish, - he slid the rim across his moustache with flourish - suggestion to tighten up the paragraph a little. I think less words often give more impact.
(") Another, Madam?" - insert quotation mark
"Yes, Almighty Master.(") - and here too.
Hope this helps! I'll be back to read more for sure.
Av
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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I do believe this is the first time I've read you, Jay. Great post - I enjoyed it despite coming into the middle of your story!
The scenes are well set and drawn out, making them easy to visualize. You write first person well - the narrator doesn't dominate as in some first person stories. He's subtle in his presence, at the same time being clearly defined.
A few things for consideration/attention:
Then, angling out his elbow, eyes closed, and a smile twitching the corners of his lips, he brought the rim sliding across his moustache with flourish, - he slid the rim across his moustache with flourish - suggestion to tighten up the paragraph a little. I think less words often give more impact.
(") Another, Madam?" - insert quotation mark
"Yes, Almighty Master.(") - and here too.
Hope this helps! I'll be back to read more for sure.
Av
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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Thank you so much for your kind words and your keen eye, Av. I adopted your suggestion to tighten the dialogue and made the two corrections you pointed out. I'm thrilled you chose to read this and am encouraged that you're planning on returning for the next installment. Thank you, Av.
Comment from alvina224224
Engrossing, Jay, with vivid images. You are drawing mental pictures of the characters, with the words you've chosen without mundane descriptions. I note that this is a Book 111 chapter. Can I ask you if Books 1 and 11 are published yet? Looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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Engrossing, Jay, with vivid images. You are drawing mental pictures of the characters, with the words you've chosen without mundane descriptions. I note that this is a Book 111 chapter. Can I ask you if Books 1 and 11 are published yet? Looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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Thank you so much, Alvina. I am going to complete the Trilogy before I seek publication. I don't know how many chapters, but they are not representative of book chapters (only FanStory chapters). If the completed trilogy were in paper it would run better than 400 pages, I'm sure. Thanks so much for reading this. Hope you stay aboard for the conclusion.
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Will do.
