To Cherish Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 63 "Love's Sweet Accusations"Free Verse Poetry
10 total reviews
Comment from Irish Goat
three complete thoughts in seven autonomous poems that all inter-relate within categories and as an "Accusational" whole. Well-crafted, imaginative, and well- delivered. Good diction, multiple techniques and rhyme. Great compilation work.
  |
three complete thoughts in seven autonomous poems that all inter-relate within categories and as an "Accusational" whole. Well-crafted, imaginative, and well- delivered. Good diction, multiple techniques and rhyme. Great compilation work.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2015
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mikey
Brilliant ... you at your best. This is superb and I thought might have been the winner. Foiled by the love story and .... well she did bribe me with chocolate ... shameless hussy!. :)))
Fantastic presentation. A collage of fine words strung as elegant pearls. There is just so much going on here, I'm almost at a lost where to begin to review. Of course I'm first drawn to your senryu ... well, I'd say you've mastered the form with these two prime offerings... almost epic in the directions they can lead a reader to follow.
Of mega merit:-
"Hopscotch, monkey bars and merry-go-rounds--The stained off-white swimming pool at the city park.
But why are you late? Mom drove by the park. The pool was empty. The merry didn't go, the bars had no monkeys and scotches didn't hop ... a lie? untruth? deception? -unique phrasing, strong visual and emotional arousal. A sens of abandonment ...
"learning
guilt early with curly locks to hide behind so they don't find the
innocence destroyed ... the intelligent child's coping mechanism.
Do we all marry one parent or the other for our learning? ... of course for some, it is the ideal ... not everyone! :(
After all that we endure ... some still have the courage to look for something more ... something right ... despite all the delusions and conditioning. Deserved a ten star rating and I don't even have a six. Damn. Great work Mikey. Huge hugs - Lovi xoxo
|
Hi Mikey
Brilliant ... you at your best. This is superb and I thought might have been the winner. Foiled by the love story and .... well she did bribe me with chocolate ... shameless hussy!. :)))
Fantastic presentation. A collage of fine words strung as elegant pearls. There is just so much going on here, I'm almost at a lost where to begin to review. Of course I'm first drawn to your senryu ... well, I'd say you've mastered the form with these two prime offerings... almost epic in the directions they can lead a reader to follow.
Of mega merit:-
"Hopscotch, monkey bars and merry-go-rounds--The stained off-white swimming pool at the city park.
But why are you late? Mom drove by the park. The pool was empty. The merry didn't go, the bars had no monkeys and scotches didn't hop ... a lie? untruth? deception? -unique phrasing, strong visual and emotional arousal. A sens of abandonment ...
"learning
guilt early with curly locks to hide behind so they don't find the
innocence destroyed ... the intelligent child's coping mechanism.
Do we all marry one parent or the other for our learning? ... of course for some, it is the ideal ... not everyone! :(
After all that we endure ... some still have the courage to look for something more ... something right ... despite all the delusions and conditioning. Deserved a ten star rating and I don't even have a six. Damn. Great work Mikey. Huge hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
Comment from I am Cat
learning
guilt early with curly locks to hide behind so they don't find the innocence destroyed
(really? lol... oh yeah, I have these also... look away, look away, look away, Dixie land)
Wedded Bliss: (now there's an oxymoron)... or is that an ox, e'moron?!) lol
and freedom rings O O
one for me and one for you
I do, you do, we do two
the bridesmaid winks
we're on the blink
(well, that was fast!)
I'm turning rather pale
I'm in my father's jail!
Well, I got a girl just like the girl
only the start dear heart
(wow... this is really really... either 'telling'...
'ironic', or 'so fucking unfair'... or ... 'just another tale'... hard to say, my friend)
every move and word heard with every meaning
and every gesture leaning gleaning every possible
nuance and influential possibility of damnation
figured and deduced from what I didn't say or do
or what I might have could've did if I'd had the chance
(what are you trying to say? I mean... I KNOW what you're trying to say... but...
are you speaking to anyone in particular? or just wailing to the universe?)
and do you want to use the word, "did"? or 'done"?)
regardless of what I say
that doesn't matter anyway
(oh, but it does)
wedded bliss
my sacred vow eternal
cell door ajar
(is that how you feel?... )
Seeking Love: (is this a want AD)?
lesson learned
I won't be burned
a leaf's been turned
some joy's been earned
(and?)
I love you
oh, the bliss! (on the one hand....)
but, what about this? (but oh... on the other...) ;)
Ah, love's sweet accusations....
They do not sway me (I think thou protest too much....)
This is a very interesting entry... one which truly SCREAMS for my last six... but I'm sure that others have given you those already... and so, i'm going to save it for a little boy I know... at any rate... I find this extremely interesting.. and of course, very well written....
good luck in the contest...
C
|
learning
guilt early with curly locks to hide behind so they don't find the innocence destroyed
(really? lol... oh yeah, I have these also... look away, look away, look away, Dixie land)
Wedded Bliss: (now there's an oxymoron)... or is that an ox, e'moron?!) lol
and freedom rings O O
one for me and one for you
I do, you do, we do two
the bridesmaid winks
we're on the blink
(well, that was fast!)
I'm turning rather pale
I'm in my father's jail!
Well, I got a girl just like the girl
only the start dear heart
(wow... this is really really... either 'telling'...
'ironic', or 'so fucking unfair'... or ... 'just another tale'... hard to say, my friend)
every move and word heard with every meaning
and every gesture leaning gleaning every possible
nuance and influential possibility of damnation
figured and deduced from what I didn't say or do
or what I might have could've did if I'd had the chance
(what are you trying to say? I mean... I KNOW what you're trying to say... but...
are you speaking to anyone in particular? or just wailing to the universe?)
and do you want to use the word, "did"? or 'done"?)
regardless of what I say
that doesn't matter anyway
(oh, but it does)
wedded bliss
my sacred vow eternal
cell door ajar
(is that how you feel?... )
Seeking Love: (is this a want AD)?
lesson learned
I won't be burned
a leaf's been turned
some joy's been earned
(and?)
I love you
oh, the bliss! (on the one hand....)
but, what about this? (but oh... on the other...) ;)
Ah, love's sweet accusations....
They do not sway me (I think thou protest too much....)
This is a very interesting entry... one which truly SCREAMS for my last six... but I'm sure that others have given you those already... and so, i'm going to save it for a little boy I know... at any rate... I find this extremely interesting.. and of course, very well written....
good luck in the contest...
C
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
Comment from Joyce Long
With no directions this poem is very interesting. Your poem runs from childhood to Wedding Bless to Seeking Love. Why not go from childhood, seeking love, to wedding bless. I sought love before I got married and I have been married 50+ years.
I didn't see any errors or corrections to be made.
Thanks for sharing.
Joyce 11-16-15
|
With no directions this poem is very interesting. Your poem runs from childhood to Wedding Bless to Seeking Love. Why not go from childhood, seeking love, to wedding bless. I sought love before I got married and I have been married 50+ years.
I didn't see any errors or corrections to be made.
Thanks for sharing.
Joyce 11-16-15
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
Comment from royowen
Well done with this one, it certainly fulfils the requirements of the contest, no rules. Is it about correct speech in teaching children? It certainly seemed that way at first. Marvellously designed poem, it is a deign all its own, well done, expressive, enigmatic, daring, great work, great entry, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo : We do two. Intentional?
|
Well done with this one, it certainly fulfils the requirements of the contest, no rules. Is it about correct speech in teaching children? It certainly seemed that way at first. Marvellously designed poem, it is a deign all its own, well done, expressive, enigmatic, daring, great work, great entry, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo : We do two. Intentional?
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
Interesting popurri of writing styles, I guess with the contest giving free range to whatever you want to write about, you took it literally and decided a well varied group of styles. Good job!
Gypsy
|
Hello :)
Interesting popurri of writing styles, I guess with the contest giving free range to whatever you want to write about, you took it literally and decided a well varied group of styles. Good job!
Gypsy
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"off white" should be "off-white".
Poem one is a good depicting of a boy who tells his Mother he is going to the pool only to have her drive by and find out he lied and went some place else. And, the consequences of his actions.
Poem two seems to depict the escaping from living at home with parents to starting a life of their own, thus the open cell door illusion.
And, poem three seems to be learning from the loss of the first love so the same mistakes are not made in subsequent ones.
|
"off white" should be "off-white".
Poem one is a good depicting of a boy who tells his Mother he is going to the pool only to have her drive by and find out he lied and went some place else. And, the consequences of his actions.
Poem two seems to depict the escaping from living at home with parents to starting a life of their own, thus the open cell door illusion.
And, poem three seems to be learning from the loss of the first love so the same mistakes are not made in subsequent ones.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
Comment from LanceHill
This was an interesting read. There was a lot to take in yet you kept the flow going well. The innocence, guilt, love, and so many other emotions covered. Thanks for sharing. God bless.
|
This was an interesting read. There was a lot to take in yet you kept the flow going well. The innocence, guilt, love, and so many other emotions covered. Thanks for sharing. God bless.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
Comment from Unspoken94
Accusations in different stages of life.
I think this will be a challenge in the contest
as the connection to the three is to me
to be oblique.
All the best in the contest.
|
Accusations in different stages of life.
I think this will be a challenge in the contest
as the connection to the three is to me
to be oblique.
All the best in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
Comment from wordspinner314
What a clever and interesting journey through one man's life of being loved, yet simultaneously feeling smothered by it. Even well-intentioned love can feel suffocating at times, and this is a well written example of that. Best of luck in the contest!
|
What a clever and interesting journey through one man's life of being loved, yet simultaneously feeling smothered by it. Even well-intentioned love can feel suffocating at times, and this is a well written example of that. Best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
