The Olive Branch
Boy learns a new word: hearse.51 total reviews
Comment from Curly Girly
This is a well written story, and it reads like a true one. Looking at your author's notes, I'd say that it is true. It's sad, and I can only hope, just like you, that the boy never joined a gang. That was a terrible thing for a child to witness.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
  |
This is a well written story, and it reads like a true one. Looking at your author's notes, I'd say that it is true. It's sad, and I can only hope, just like you, that the boy never joined a gang. That was a terrible thing for a child to witness.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Yes, Curly Girly, this is a true story that happened to me. Never in my life have I had a conversation with a child as difficult as that one. I hoped he got my message, too. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of writing. It is even more interesting to see that you are a published author. That is my dream and I hope that I can achieve this through this site and Amazon.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of writing. It is even more interesting to see that you are a published author. That is my dream and I hope that I can achieve this through this site and Amazon.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Thank you, Tomes, for your kind review. After sitting in a manila envelop for twenty-three years, I am going to submit this story for publication. Thank you for your encouragement.
-
Good luck.
Comment from JW
Wow. This story is not only well written, it's impressive.
In reading it you could easily visualize the scene before you. The action within the story easily pulled at your heartstrings.
Thanks for sharing this, Sis Cat. JW
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
Wow. This story is not only well written, it's impressive.
In reading it you could easily visualize the scene before you. The action within the story easily pulled at your heartstrings.
Thanks for sharing this, Sis Cat. JW
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Thank you, JW, for your encouraging review. What also impressed me was that I wrote this twenty-three years ago and then stopped writing. I am now rewriting old stories and writing new stories and submitting them to publications. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Shanaya3
A snapshot in the lives of two people that is very touching. Talking about death to a child sometimes brings awkward reflections, like the one time my daughter asked me how a person could get UP to heaven when we had buried him in the ground. I had a hard time explaining the notion of physical body and soul to a 5 year old, but I think it's important to introduce the subject to them at a young age.
Thank you for sharing. I simply loved this piece.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
A snapshot in the lives of two people that is very touching. Talking about death to a child sometimes brings awkward reflections, like the one time my daughter asked me how a person could get UP to heaven when we had buried him in the ground. I had a hard time explaining the notion of physical body and soul to a 5 year old, but I think it's important to introduce the subject to them at a young age.
Thank you for sharing. I simply loved this piece.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Yes, Shanaya3, death was the most difficult conversation I have had with a child. I am impressed at how I handled it. Thank you for your review and for simply loving this piece.
Comment from c_lucas
In some communities you either joined the gang or died. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
In some communities you either joined the gang or died. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Yes, c_lucas, a growing number of young men in my community either ended up in gangs, in prison, or dead. Twenty-eight years old at the time I wrote this story, I fled the neighborhood a year later because I feared for my life. Thanks for your review.
-
You're welcome, SC. Charlie
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"My uncle's been shot" seems to be something that would not illicit one boy kissing another. Nor would playing basketball typically become the way for them to pass the time of day. Seems Dave has much to learn about life and death.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
"My uncle's been shot" seems to be something that would not illicit one boy kissing another. Nor would playing basketball typically become the way for them to pass the time of day. Seems Dave has much to learn about life and death.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Yes, Brett, Dave was excited when his uncle was shot. Only later did his uncle's death sink in. If Dave is still alive, he is thirty-one years old now and has learned much about life and death. I am glad I witnessed the beginning. Thank you for your review.
Comment from lightink
This is an incredibly sweet and caring writing that shows a piece of reality that the white middle class people love to deny and marginalize! Your caring voice in the middle of this horrible situation is like a sunbeam cutting through the clouds! The symbol of the unharmed olive branch and the message to respect life explained with so much loving simplicity makes this an excellent story!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
 |
This is an incredibly sweet and caring writing that shows a piece of reality that the white middle class people love to deny and marginalize! Your caring voice in the middle of this horrible situation is like a sunbeam cutting through the clouds! The symbol of the unharmed olive branch and the message to respect life explained with so much loving simplicity makes this an excellent story!
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Yes, lightink, I am impressed at the tact, honesty, and creativity with which I handled that difficult conversation. Using the olive branch to teach a lesson was inspired. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Jay Squires
This is one of the most moving stories I've read here on FanStory. I think you'll have little problem finding a magazine home for it. Maybe not the first place you send it, maybe not the fifth. It needs publication, though.
That makes Blaze eight years younger than me [I don't know how colloquial you want the narrative to be in this, but grammatically it should read, "younger than I ("am" being implied.)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
|
This is one of the most moving stories I've read here on FanStory. I think you'll have little problem finding a magazine home for it. Maybe not the first place you send it, maybe not the fifth. It needs publication, though.
That makes Blaze eight years younger than me [I don't know how colloquial you want the narrative to be in this, but grammatically it should read, "younger than I ("am" being implied.)
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
-
Thank you, Jay, for your generous, six star review. Other reviewers have urged me to published this story which sat in a manila envelope for twenty-three years. Your words encourage me. Thanks also for the tip on "younger than I." Cheers.
Comment from Erin929
Opening with this amount of drama I was pulled in right away, just loved it - really well done. My favorite parts: Dave's innocence, the dialogue about the cap guns, the details like the soap-covered hand and Dave messing with his scabs.
Also love this line:
Once you pick a flower, it starts to die, no matter how much water you pour on it."
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
|
Opening with this amount of drama I was pulled in right away, just loved it - really well done. My favorite parts: Dave's innocence, the dialogue about the cap guns, the details like the soap-covered hand and Dave messing with his scabs.
Also love this line:
Once you pick a flower, it starts to die, no matter how much water you pour on it."
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
-
Thank you, Erin929, for your generous review of my story which was lost for twenty-three years. I had forgotten the conversation and the details. Fortunately, my story preserved them. Thanks again for your review.
Comment from LIJ Red
A neatly edited, literate printing of your efforts to give young David some perspective on youth and gangs. Hopefully you got through to him. Excellent post.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
|
A neatly edited, literate printing of your efforts to give young David some perspective on youth and gangs. Hopefully you got through to him. Excellent post.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
-
Thank you, LIJ Red, for your thoughtful review. My goal now is to publish this story so that others might get my message. Thanks.
