The Gossamer Gate
Revived post from 2015 - Halloween34 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
Thought-provoking, in the wonders of what an after-life might be.
As I remember it; paraphrasing of course. A long ago Analog SF short story postulated a lone survivor, the last of her species, under a darkly lowering sky, wandered through a sere valley among the bones of the long dead.
It was summer in these high latitudes though a chill was in the air in the last months. She knew she had to move far to the south if she was to survive.
Drawn into long days of travel since awareness of this bewildering plight, she encountered a being, defined only by a wispy outline of a familiar form she saw as of one of her species.
Now, she stood among a gathering of unfamiliar creatures, some human-like, others, far divergent. They all crowded about this ill-defined entity, pushing her far to the fringe.
Creature after creature appeared before this apparition. Some were quiet, their indistinct conversation marked by a few gentle gestures, seeming to request a boon. Others beat their bodies with their fists, proclaiming themselves loudly to the ever-changing specter before them; mimicking their forms as each approached. Their aggressive postures emphasized their attempt to claim some order of primacy. As she watched, each seemed to be addressed in their unique language, foreign to her. Their rage showed as an incomprehensible speech from this ever-changing overseer struck at them. Some showed despair as they withdrew and faded into nothingness. Others loudly berated the shimmering vapor for its apparent denial. Each was stilled and slowly wisped away into nothingness before the next approached. As the last in the long line of apparent supplicants; after a long and indeterminant wait that seemed so very long, she stood before the raised dais.
An elder, fierce of visage, tall, with flowing beard and hair, enrobed in a shimmering robe, looked down at her.
"What would you expect of me, Sister."
It was startling to hear her language spoken. At first, confused, she stood silent. Then spoke, "I don't know what you offer. Especially, since so many of these others before me were apparently disappointed in your final words to them."
"I offer restitution of your species in health and happiness if you plead well. None of these that were, including yours, have lived in harmony. I destroyed them, save a single spokesperson. All of these before you would have me restore them as they were, without a count of these disgressions.
"What say you, then?"
"I don't know. I know now, that these others must long for what was, as do I; and the pleasures of their lost lives. I miss my loved ones as others in this multitude must have, too. Cannot you grant recourse to those who grieve most sincerely, for their lost ones, innocent of these errors of conduct you declare?"
"Why would you plead for these others I have deemed unworthy of existence?"
"It would be a great gift for them."
"You plead for others, not yours?"
"I would be blessed indeed if they were also one of those worthy to permit a life and a future to."
"And if I exclude you and yours?"
"Then I will grieve that we are not worthy. If not, I take my leave."
"Wait! You trouble me. Of all who appeared here, you are the only one to have pled for others than yours. Why is that?"
"It seems only right."
"You question my judgment, woman?
"Mine is not to say, only my wish."
There was a pause, and silence as whorls spun about the figure before her. She stepped back, saddened by her inability to plead well for these now-lost people and seeing only oblivion for herself.
"Wait. It will be in your favor that I will do this, though it will cost me dearly. You may walk in peace."
She stood in a verdant meadow, bounded by tall, flowering trees. There were others, too; tilling fields in the bright sun of a spring morning.
Wondering at it all, she clasped her hands to her face and burst into tears.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
  |
Thought-provoking, in the wonders of what an after-life might be.
As I remember it; paraphrasing of course. A long ago Analog SF short story postulated a lone survivor, the last of her species, under a darkly lowering sky, wandered through a sere valley among the bones of the long dead.
It was summer in these high latitudes though a chill was in the air in the last months. She knew she had to move far to the south if she was to survive.
Drawn into long days of travel since awareness of this bewildering plight, she encountered a being, defined only by a wispy outline of a familiar form she saw as of one of her species.
Now, she stood among a gathering of unfamiliar creatures, some human-like, others, far divergent. They all crowded about this ill-defined entity, pushing her far to the fringe.
Creature after creature appeared before this apparition. Some were quiet, their indistinct conversation marked by a few gentle gestures, seeming to request a boon. Others beat their bodies with their fists, proclaiming themselves loudly to the ever-changing specter before them; mimicking their forms as each approached. Their aggressive postures emphasized their attempt to claim some order of primacy. As she watched, each seemed to be addressed in their unique language, foreign to her. Their rage showed as an incomprehensible speech from this ever-changing overseer struck at them. Some showed despair as they withdrew and faded into nothingness. Others loudly berated the shimmering vapor for its apparent denial. Each was stilled and slowly wisped away into nothingness before the next approached. As the last in the long line of apparent supplicants; after a long and indeterminant wait that seemed so very long, she stood before the raised dais.
An elder, fierce of visage, tall, with flowing beard and hair, enrobed in a shimmering robe, looked down at her.
"What would you expect of me, Sister."
It was startling to hear her language spoken. At first, confused, she stood silent. Then spoke, "I don't know what you offer. Especially, since so many of these others before me were apparently disappointed in your final words to them."
"I offer restitution of your species in health and happiness if you plead well. None of these that were, including yours, have lived in harmony. I destroyed them, save a single spokesperson. All of these before you would have me restore them as they were, without a count of these disgressions.
"What say you, then?"
"I don't know. I know now, that these others must long for what was, as do I; and the pleasures of their lost lives. I miss my loved ones as others in this multitude must have, too. Cannot you grant recourse to those who grieve most sincerely, for their lost ones, innocent of these errors of conduct you declare?"
"Why would you plead for these others I have deemed unworthy of existence?"
"It would be a great gift for them."
"You plead for others, not yours?"
"I would be blessed indeed if they were also one of those worthy to permit a life and a future to."
"And if I exclude you and yours?"
"Then I will grieve that we are not worthy. If not, I take my leave."
"Wait! You trouble me. Of all who appeared here, you are the only one to have pled for others than yours. Why is that?"
"It seems only right."
"You question my judgment, woman?
"Mine is not to say, only my wish."
There was a pause, and silence as whorls spun about the figure before her. She stepped back, saddened by her inability to plead well for these now-lost people and seeing only oblivion for herself.
"Wait. It will be in your favor that I will do this, though it will cost me dearly. You may walk in peace."
She stood in a verdant meadow, bounded by tall, flowering trees. There were others, too; tilling fields in the bright sun of a spring morning.
Wondering at it all, she clasped her hands to her face and burst into tears.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
-
Thank you.
Nice story, reminiscent of a variety of others where the protagonist finds the best response to a riddle or problem, usually by thinking a little outside the box and often with a spiritual or unselfish moral as here.
Steve
Comment from Douglas Goff
I agree, this is interesting. You covered all bases in the types of denizens and the imaginative creation of the Gossamer Gate is awesome!
I think there could be a book about that whole situation. Fun read.
D
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
|
I agree, this is interesting. You covered all bases in the types of denizens and the imaginative creation of the Gossamer Gate is awesome!
I think there could be a book about that whole situation. Fun read.
D
Comment Written 03-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Douglas.
Apologies for the very late reply.
Steve
-
No worries. I remember the gate. Very interesting.
Comment from Navada
What a fascinating idea. The endless parade of various characters is really interesting and I absolutely loved your tight rhyming scheme - it's exquisite. One minor question - did you intend to use "effusive" twice in the third stanza or is there another alternate you might use instead? Very lively and enjoyable read. One wonders what havoc they would wreak on their one day of freedom in the world below before being forced to return.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2023
|
What a fascinating idea. The endless parade of various characters is really interesting and I absolutely loved your tight rhyming scheme - it's exquisite. One minor question - did you intend to use "effusive" twice in the third stanza or is there another alternate you might use instead? Very lively and enjoyable read. One wonders what havoc they would wreak on their one day of freedom in the world below before being forced to return.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2023
-
Well we here in New Zealand and you in Australia don't see the havoc they wreak as much as elsewhere. I am referring of course to the hordes of monsters ghouls and superheroes marauding the streets in search of candy at this time of the year!
Thank you for the kind words. Amazingly, I think you are the first reviewer to spot the accidental repetition of effusive. I've even read this aloud a few times without noticing. Luckily there are a couple of other rhyming words that can fit in sweetly. I am tossing up between elusive and reclusive at the moment.
Have a thumb for the keen eye.
Steve
-
Thank you so much! :)
Comment from Wendyanne
Wow what a wonderful, well written piece of poetry. I love the fast pace of it and the good rhythm and rhyme scheme. You have listed so many different characters. I enjoyed this very much!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
|
Wow what a wonderful, well written piece of poetry. I love the fast pace of it and the good rhythm and rhyme scheme. You have listed so many different characters. I enjoyed this very much!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Wenyanne.
Apologies for the very late reply.
Steve
Comment from rama devi
This should win the contest. Imaginative, insightful and maste4refully crafted with awesome creativity in rhyming and an excellent sense of musicality both in cadences and phonics...especially all the awesome,a artistic and amazing alliteration and rhyming.
Favorite Lines:
the mighty, the humble,
with swagger or stumble;
Clever rhyming, especially here:
the guilty, the innocent,
lost in an instant;
the maiden, the harlot,
director and starlet,
Great internal rhymes, espcially:
the sweetly effusive and gently intrusive,
And fine alliteration too, especially:
the beggar, the baron,
the druggy, the duchess.
I enjoyed reading this.
Good luck!
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
 |
This should win the contest. Imaginative, insightful and maste4refully crafted with awesome creativity in rhyming and an excellent sense of musicality both in cadences and phonics...especially all the awesome,a artistic and amazing alliteration and rhyming.
Favorite Lines:
the mighty, the humble,
with swagger or stumble;
Clever rhyming, especially here:
the guilty, the innocent,
lost in an instant;
the maiden, the harlot,
director and starlet,
Great internal rhymes, espcially:
the sweetly effusive and gently intrusive,
And fine alliteration too, especially:
the beggar, the baron,
the druggy, the duchess.
I enjoyed reading this.
Good luck!
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
-
Rama, many thanks for this excellent review. No surprises there.
I should point out that this was a revived post from a few years ago. I think it did place in the contest at that time.
I always appreciate it when you point out the clever things I did, because I often haven't noticed them myself.
Steve
-
Thanks for your gracious response, my friend. That title did sound familiar, come to think of it! :-))
Comment from lyenochka
You always know how to make your words sing! I enjoyed reading the sounds of the poem and liked the truth of how Death is such an equalizer as no dead one can pull rank (unless the other meaning) on another.
Thanks for promoting so we can enjoy on this Halloween. I'll look to see if any visitors tonight have come through the "gossamer gate."
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
|
You always know how to make your words sing! I enjoyed reading the sounds of the poem and liked the truth of how Death is such an equalizer as no dead one can pull rank (unless the other meaning) on another.
Thanks for promoting so we can enjoy on this Halloween. I'll look to see if any visitors tonight have come through the "gossamer gate."
Comment Written 31-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Helen.
Apologies for the very late reply.
Steve
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for reposting this in time for Halloween. It's prefect for this day. I enjoyed reading and am sorry I missed it the first time around. I guess I wasn't a fan back in 2015.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
|
Thank you for reposting this in time for Halloween. It's prefect for this day. I enjoyed reading and am sorry I missed it the first time around. I guess I wasn't a fan back in 2015.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Barbara.
Apologies for the very late reply.
Steve
Comment from phill doran
Hello Steve,
This is an apt and excellent choice for a revival - and a good strong idea well executed too. I can see why it caught your eye.
The role-call style reminds me of "Still" by Peter Sinfield, which is a complementary comparison, and a bit of Atlantis by Donovan too (also not too shabby), but neither are as sustained as this.
A great rhythmic read, with the opening two lines of each verse causing a slowing, a preparation, before the pace of the verse kicks in.
Much better than your usual cra...oh, I mean, well done that man!
All in all, a very enjoyable piece.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
|
Hello Steve,
This is an apt and excellent choice for a revival - and a good strong idea well executed too. I can see why it caught your eye.
The role-call style reminds me of "Still" by Peter Sinfield, which is a complementary comparison, and a bit of Atlantis by Donovan too (also not too shabby), but neither are as sustained as this.
A great rhythmic read, with the opening two lines of each verse causing a slowing, a preparation, before the pace of the verse kicks in.
Much better than your usual cra...oh, I mean, well done that man!
All in all, a very enjoyable piece.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 31-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
-
Phill, many thanks for the great review and especially the sixth star.
Never heard of Peter Sinfield, so I looked up that song and found this:
Like the changeable tides of the
Caesars and Pharoahs, prophets and heroes
Poets and hobos, before me and after me all the
Painters and dancers, mountainside chancers
Merchants and gamblers, bankers and ramblers
Winners and losers, angels and boozers
Beatles and Bolans, raindrops and oceans
Kings, pawns and deacons, fainthearts and beacons
So yeah, I see the resemblance...
Sorry for the very late reply.
Steve
Comment from Jim Wile
What a wonderful poem this was. I'm so glad you decided to revive it. What a cool idea to have the dead be able to come back to life for a short while, much as you have done with this poem.
I loved all your examples of people as well as the terrific rhythm and rhyme of it. This was very well done. - Jim
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
|
What a wonderful poem this was. I'm so glad you decided to revive it. What a cool idea to have the dead be able to come back to life for a short while, much as you have done with this poem.
I loved all your examples of people as well as the terrific rhythm and rhyme of it. This was very well done. - Jim
Comment Written 31-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
-
Thank you very much for the kind words, Jim.
Apologies for the very late reply.
Steve
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Bravo Zulu. This piece is as good as anything I have read today. Right from the start you grab my heart, starting precisely with "the sinners, the shriven, the unforgiven," and everything thereafter simply flowed. Thanks for sharing. Enjoy the bonus star.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
|
Bravo Zulu. This piece is as good as anything I have read today. Right from the start you grab my heart, starting precisely with "the sinners, the shriven, the unforgiven," and everything thereafter simply flowed. Thanks for sharing. Enjoy the bonus star.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Tom.
Apologies for the very late reply.
Steve