Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

I wrote a review, but it seems to have gotten lost in the ether. I'll try to remember what I started to write the first time. This is an interesting segment of your story. Russ is having problems with his women, remembering who's who and doesn't seem to care a bean about any of them. Dialogue is interesting and direct, which I like. I think the best and snappiest dialogue has been between Russ and the lawyer/and Charley. Length of chapter is good. Marilyn

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2015

Thanks for your review.
I'm glad you found this chapter interesting and a good length. It's a good length to strive for.
Russ's problems with his women could be from my lack of clarity.
I hope there's more dialogue in store, similar to that of Russ/Charley. If not, I may have to repeat it and change the names.

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

This kind of jumped around and I didn't really settle into reading until I got to the part about the flower shop. The description of the clerk and her personality were excellent, and she made him up grade his choice of flowers.

:) ellen

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2015

So glad to have your review. When you singled out a particular segment of a chapter, it was very gratifying. I could not think of the word 'clerk.'
I do think of the word, 'barkingdog' and I like it a lot.
Thanks for the 5*'s.
Marv

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have had loopholes livening up their life. ["Everyone" requires a singular complement: his/her"]

"Then browse awhile and I'll be with you soon."

(Followed by)

I browsed awhile. She wasn't with me soon.

I love your wry sense of humor.

the man she was dealing with stuttered. I pitied him for having to to go through life with that impediment [Was the double "to" intended? Went right along with his stuttering.]

This is much easier to read than previous posts, Marvin. Remember we went round and round on that score.

This flows and I flowed right along with it.

 Comment Written 07-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2015

Thanks for catching the everyone/her error. I hope to be wary of these things, someday.
I not only like your comments, I need them. For example, the 'browse awhile' phrase. I wasn't sure about it, took it out, then put it back. You made it worthwhile.
The 'to to' was a mistake. I almost wish I had thought of it. But I think it would have been in bad taste. If I do leave it in, I would have to add one or two more to reinforce the first one. What's your opinion?
Thanks for all your help and compliments and the stars. Did you skip a chapter?
Marv

reply by Jay Squires on 08-Oct-2015

I don't know, by adding a couple more, makes no doubt of your intention. If you think two to's is in bad taste, four might be over the edge.

I might have missed one, Marv. I'll check. As a general rule, I read only what is promoted on the home page, or the one I catch while it's still gamble-worthy at 50 percent. Not trying to be selfish, but I have to read so many posts to make the "money" to post my own stuff. I can't take the time to read what drops to 2 cents. Yeah, I know that DOES sound self-serving. And I guess it is.

Comment from AnnieDawn

Excellent

I enjoyed reading your story chapter and it did hold my interest through the whole read. I would like to keep up with the future writings that you do. I hope to run into them again. Good story and good job.

 Comment Written 07-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2015

Annie
I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. A review such as yours is gratifying. Holding a reader's interest is the thing. I like the fact that you want to keep up with my writing. Thanks for the review and compliments. Sorry if I sound like a robot.
Marv