Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

I take it then that you really enjoy this particular person's company, Ine? It certainly sounds that way.
A lovely poetic proclamation portraying pure passion.

Well done...

~Dean :)

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Well done, Ine, have you music to this piece? I love the lyrics, nicely laid, certainly sounds like they designed for just that, as reassuring words, for someone, well done, my friend, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hi Robina,

so you are into song lyrics
Robina take a look at this line ( what do you think )?

Ar you standing still ad life can give you no more

Gert

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.

reply by Gert sherwood on 29-Oct-2015

You are welcome robina
ert

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

A lovely thought in this. "If you are with me" works really well. Nice scenario of the couple enjoying their glass of wine, just the two of them. The rest of the world is shut out. In the refrain, are you standing still, not ar. Also, what did you mean with ad life? You might clarify that. Very romantic, with great atmosphere. judi

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.

reply by judiverse on 29-Oct-2015

You're very welcome. judi

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

If you are with me, his can last o very long
--> I don't understand this line -- revise??

This was a sweet song, Ine! It sounded VERY romantic!

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello Ine,

Nice song, romantic and uplifting. You had a few minor errors- A few minor SPAGs: Ar (are?), ad (and?), o (SO?), like fairy tale (like a fairy tale?).
gypsy

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.

Comment from davisr (Rhonda)

Excellent

What a beautiful poem about wanting to be with the one you love. The repetition of the phrase, "If you are with me", emphasizes the importance to the poet that the loved one is near. The poem goes on to explain how good things will be if they are.

Nicely done, and quite sweet!

Rhonsa

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, making for a very good read. Your poem/song has very good imagery and descriptive scheme.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.

reply by c_lucas on 29-Oct-2015

You're welcome, Robina. Charlie

Comment from vapros

Excellent

This is an ardent and imaginative song to a lover, and is quite well done and artfully presented. A few minor SPAGs: Ar (are?), ad (and?), o (SO?), like fairy tale (like a fairy tale?) Easy to clean up. Well done.

v

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.

Comment from Tessa Kay

Excellent

This has a lot of melody to it. I could imagine that as a song, no problem.
Romantic and uplifting. Very nice.
A couple typos maybe?
-Ar(e) you standing still a(n)d life can give you no more

-If you are with me, (t)?his can last oh very long

-If you are with me it's like (a) fairy tale

I liked this a lot. Now all you need is the melody
:)


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.