THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "The Almighty Master Baits Doctrex"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
27 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
Catching up with chapter readings. I am astounded by this one and glad I read it. I am astounded by the quality of both your imagination and your writing. It is one thing dreaming this stuff up, it is another thing having the skill to pull it off. I look forward to your next chapter. Now I am caught up.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2015
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Catching up with chapter readings. I am astounded by this one and glad I read it. I am astounded by the quality of both your imagination and your writing. It is one thing dreaming this stuff up, it is another thing having the skill to pull it off. I look forward to your next chapter. Now I am caught up.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2015
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I'm happy you enjoyed this, Andre. Some things are going to start happening that will change the game, but I'm taking the exposition very slowly. Thanks for getting caught up.
Comment from ciliverde
I jumped into the middle of this one, but nevertheless less I very much enjoyed the dialogue between Doctrex and Glnot. The descriptions of Glnot are very good and the dialogue is fascinating.
That image of the carved ceiling with hundreds of eyes was very striking too.
I admit to studying your style as I read this, requiring a second and third look. I'll be back for more, without a doubt. Very impressive creation of a whole new world.
-Carol
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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I jumped into the middle of this one, but nevertheless less I very much enjoyed the dialogue between Doctrex and Glnot. The descriptions of Glnot are very good and the dialogue is fascinating.
That image of the carved ceiling with hundreds of eyes was very striking too.
I admit to studying your style as I read this, requiring a second and third look. I'll be back for more, without a doubt. Very impressive creation of a whole new world.
-Carol
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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I love it, Carol. Read as many times as you. Let me know how the good parts hang together. I already know about the bad parts since there are so many. Glad to have you aboard. BTW, I'll be posting the next chapter of my mostly non-fictional autobiography.
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I look forward to the autobiography, "mostly" non-fictional?! Intriguing :)
Comment from Gloria ....
Hey Jay, I bet you thought I was never going to get around to you. Well, I am happy to announce, I am here even though the almighty is doing the naughty.
Nice touch with the ceiling carvings. I was beginning to wonder why Doctrex needed a bathroom before meeting the almighty. I suppose they likely ARE watching him. Good bit of tension there.
Dear Jay you are awesome at showing emotion without telling us what the emotion is.
How ironic the Almighty, a title I get a real charge out of by the way, is in a wheelchair. He must be carrying a mighty powerful and contemptuous revenge inside of his heart.
As always most brilliant writing.
Gloria
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Hey Jay, I bet you thought I was never going to get around to you. Well, I am happy to announce, I am here even though the almighty is doing the naughty.
Nice touch with the ceiling carvings. I was beginning to wonder why Doctrex needed a bathroom before meeting the almighty. I suppose they likely ARE watching him. Good bit of tension there.
Dear Jay you are awesome at showing emotion without telling us what the emotion is.
How ironic the Almighty, a title I get a real charge out of by the way, is in a wheelchair. He must be carrying a mighty powerful and contemptuous revenge inside of his heart.
As always most brilliant writing.
Gloria
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Gloria, you are the best! I never mind the wait, because I know when it comes it will be with your intelligent discernment and wit. I still don't understand the mystery of keeping your sixes so long. Thank you, my dear, for diminishing your supply by one.
Comment from krprice
Another excellent chapter, but I have a few comments.
Opening sentence, comma before and.
Avoid felt, heard, smelled, and saw.
The poor fellow! ... Zarbs were delete that.
Check your punctuation in series.
Delete I knew.
Karlene
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Another excellent chapter, but I have a few comments.
Opening sentence, comma before and.
Avoid felt, heard, smelled, and saw.
The poor fellow! ... Zarbs were delete that.
Check your punctuation in series.
Delete I knew.
Karlene
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Good hearing from you again, Karlene. I will check out all these. I miss your stories, Karlene. Do you have anything in the works?
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I am in the process of outlining a YA murder mystery. I hope to start it after the first of the year.
Karlene
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Good for you. Keep reading my stuff. I do check each of these key areas with "find/replace". You will always be remembered as the person who brought my attention to "that". You are that girl! You are probably too young to remember the tv series "That Girl" starring Marlo Thomas.
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No, I'm not too young to remember 'That Girl.' In fact, I even remember 'Make room for Daddy', 'Perry Mason', and 'The Howdy Doody Show.'
Karlene
Comment from --Turtle.
(That this chapter has some Master baiting in the title brings out the 15 year old boy in me. (I'm not a boy, at all... I don't even know why I'm talking, On to my reading)
my terror of the carvings on the ceiling. Even he seemed to exude caution.
(so that's what Zarbs was up to, Does that make zarbs a little like percy? percy got ate by a frog. Those are things that I thought here.)
among all the troops, a willingness to die for their country and for each other.
(I liked his reflection back on his men, was it in reflection of how he ended up where he is now? I wondered.)
On my return, another sat at the table, his face turned in my direction[,]? but in shadow. As I approached, I [began to make](made)? out his features. His hair was
(I was interested in Glont's timing, and I liked his description. Not sure about the comma)
his tone was even, without emotion.
(My guess was it was Glont, my attention was peaked at the wheel chair, not something I was expecting, though maybe he is compensating)
though the corners of his mouth still held the remnants of a smile.
(I like the attention to detail of facial emotional cues and clues of responses.)
Lifting a hand from the blanket*, he pushed his fingers through his hair. His hand drifted back [to the blanket**](down?).
must be Almighty Master, and you will be General Doctrex."
(oh... but I did want him to ask... can I call you Al for short? This little scuffle is neat... two leader type men drawing lines and such)
"After all, you are a General, Doctrex--and you are ..."
(The tension and banter also do good for bits of anticipation, like here, where I was curious as to what he was going to say. That's when I noticed I was involved in the scene)
"I want you to know I have no reason to tell you anything about Zarbs."
(I see Glont looking or sounding a little like the one villain actor in fifth element, and from my memory, that guy looking like him, in a wheel chair... .
I acknowledged with a nod, making sure it wasn't attended with any tell-tale (telltale)? expression open to his speculation.
has been destroyed."
(Even though I don't really know Zarbs well, but the tension here has me wondering what happened to him, why he was destroyed, or if Glont is just saying words to see what happens, or ... I'm not sure what to expect. I didn't trip over any of the writing, though I did wonder if some of the 'I' usage could have been hidden... from time to time. There wasn't any I could point at and say, that one 'I' there isn't needed, though.)
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2015
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(That this chapter has some Master baiting in the title brings out the 15 year old boy in me. (I'm not a boy, at all... I don't even know why I'm talking, On to my reading)
my terror of the carvings on the ceiling. Even he seemed to exude caution.
(so that's what Zarbs was up to, Does that make zarbs a little like percy? percy got ate by a frog. Those are things that I thought here.)
among all the troops, a willingness to die for their country and for each other.
(I liked his reflection back on his men, was it in reflection of how he ended up where he is now? I wondered.)
On my return, another sat at the table, his face turned in my direction[,]? but in shadow. As I approached, I [began to make](made)? out his features. His hair was
(I was interested in Glont's timing, and I liked his description. Not sure about the comma)
his tone was even, without emotion.
(My guess was it was Glont, my attention was peaked at the wheel chair, not something I was expecting, though maybe he is compensating)
though the corners of his mouth still held the remnants of a smile.
(I like the attention to detail of facial emotional cues and clues of responses.)
Lifting a hand from the blanket*, he pushed his fingers through his hair. His hand drifted back [to the blanket**](down?).
must be Almighty Master, and you will be General Doctrex."
(oh... but I did want him to ask... can I call you Al for short? This little scuffle is neat... two leader type men drawing lines and such)
"After all, you are a General, Doctrex--and you are ..."
(The tension and banter also do good for bits of anticipation, like here, where I was curious as to what he was going to say. That's when I noticed I was involved in the scene)
"I want you to know I have no reason to tell you anything about Zarbs."
(I see Glont looking or sounding a little like the one villain actor in fifth element, and from my memory, that guy looking like him, in a wheel chair... .
I acknowledged with a nod, making sure it wasn't attended with any tell-tale (telltale)? expression open to his speculation.
has been destroyed."
(Even though I don't really know Zarbs well, but the tension here has me wondering what happened to him, why he was destroyed, or if Glont is just saying words to see what happens, or ... I'm not sure what to expect. I didn't trip over any of the writing, though I did wonder if some of the 'I' usage could have been hidden... from time to time. There wasn't any I could point at and say, that one 'I' there isn't needed, though.)
Comment Written 21-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2015
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Happy you enjoyed this, Turtle. Glnot ... That's his name. You're forgiven.
can I call you Al for short? [Oh, I wish I could have. But it wouldn't have been a prudent question for him to ask at the time.]
Thanks, Turtle. I always look forward to your crits. You have good contact with your self-evaluative mind as you read. That's rare.
Comment from MaBaker
This is a big read. Thank you for including the footnotes. I know this will continue to excite me as I read with relish Doctrex's misadventures. Also Zarbs demise but if he has done what you intended him then kill him off and let the reader go forward. Now we return to his soldiers who are not sure if Docterx is still alive. I have enjoyed what I have read. I will read the next segment with pleasure.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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This is a big read. Thank you for including the footnotes. I know this will continue to excite me as I read with relish Doctrex's misadventures. Also Zarbs demise but if he has done what you intended him then kill him off and let the reader go forward. Now we return to his soldiers who are not sure if Docterx is still alive. I have enjoyed what I have read. I will read the next segment with pleasure.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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I'm so glad to have you aboard, MaBaker. I hope this doesn't disappoint. I don't think it will.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Okay, I have to tell you that I found your title quite wicked, Jay.
'I had been criticized, more often covertly, but a few times to my face, for the procedure I initiated in an effort to humanize the Kabeezan military.'
The above describes well the reason that I've always liked Doctrex.
Another excellent chapter, Jay.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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Okay, I have to tell you that I found your title quite wicked, Jay.
'I had been criticized, more often covertly, but a few times to my face, for the procedure I initiated in an effort to humanize the Kabeezan military.'
The above describes well the reason that I've always liked Doctrex.
Another excellent chapter, Jay.
:) Bev
Comment Written 20-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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I'm glad you found it wicked, Bev. You and two others are the only ones who caught it. I mentioned it to those I thought would find it curious or funny, but those who answered said they still didn't get it. Go figure.
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Oh boy, seems my mind tends to wander in certain directions! hehe
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This is an incredible story, Jay. It is not the sort of story I would usually choose to read, but since your very first chapter, it has kept me intrigued. I admire the intricacies of the plot, and the two protagonists are such likeable characters. As for Ginot... we haven't seen the end of him yet but I'm pleased with what I've seen. I am assuming this is Doctrex's dreams as he recovers from that tremendous fall and somehow his job in real life is involved. It will be a relief when all is revealed. Giddy
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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This is an incredible story, Jay. It is not the sort of story I would usually choose to read, but since your very first chapter, it has kept me intrigued. I admire the intricacies of the plot, and the two protagonists are such likeable characters. As for Ginot... we haven't seen the end of him yet but I'm pleased with what I've seen. I am assuming this is Doctrex's dreams as he recovers from that tremendous fall and somehow his job in real life is involved. It will be a relief when all is revealed. Giddy
Comment Written 20-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Giddy. I appreciate your kind words. Don't hang too close to your assumptions with this. Lots of twists and turns before I bring down the final curtain.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay,
My reaction about this chapter soon as you gave the description of the Almighty Master I got very tense; what really got me going was the dialogue between Doctrex
and the mighty master. I definitely was not at ease.
Question, should of I felt so?
Gert
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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Hello Jay,
My reaction about this chapter soon as you gave the description of the Almighty Master I got very tense; what really got me going was the dialogue between Doctrex
and the mighty master. I definitely was not at ease.
Question, should of I felt so?
Gert
Comment Written 20-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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First, thanks for the sixer! I appreciate it. There is no religious significance to his title. But it does speak loudly about his self-aggrandizement. Thanks for reading it anyway and giving it such a wonderful rating.
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You are welcome
Now I didn't think it as religious in any manner.
I don't know how what I said left you that impression?
Just my relation feeling tense.
Gert
Comment from lancellot
I like the idea of the main villain, the all powerful one, being (it appears) physically unable to fight, and in a wheelchair. It leads to many questions as why he is so feared and so confident in his own power. This makes the villain even more mysterious and somehow scary. It also makes the reader wonder why he hasn't been overthrown. Well done. I never read a villain like that.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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I like the idea of the main villain, the all powerful one, being (it appears) physically unable to fight, and in a wheelchair. It leads to many questions as why he is so feared and so confident in his own power. This makes the villain even more mysterious and somehow scary. It also makes the reader wonder why he hasn't been overthrown. Well done. I never read a villain like that.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
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Leave it to me to put a villain in a wheelchair or an iron lung. Lance, you are always so generous with your rating and your kind words. I feel so honored having you read my posts.