The Birthing Room
Short Story-Read Author's notes first20 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mikey
A ripper of a story. LOL Interesting and entertaining, though he waited two years?
An interesting character, Mr Washington. I suppose that's how I might feel if I'd been robbed of twelve years, and had to survive in that hole. Especially if I hadn't done the crime. I'm pleased though that I don't go to McDonalds anymore. :))
Well penned, your protagonist is full of flavour to satisfy any reader, the language works well also the dialogue. I can see why your entry fared so well. Congratulations. Hugs - Lovi xoxo No six I'm sorry.
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Hi Mikey
A ripper of a story. LOL Interesting and entertaining, though he waited two years?
An interesting character, Mr Washington. I suppose that's how I might feel if I'd been robbed of twelve years, and had to survive in that hole. Especially if I hadn't done the crime. I'm pleased though that I don't go to McDonalds anymore. :))
Well penned, your protagonist is full of flavour to satisfy any reader, the language works well also the dialogue. I can see why your entry fared so well. Congratulations. Hugs - Lovi xoxo No six I'm sorry.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2015
Comment from country ranch writer
He has nothing to live for and nothing to gain killing all the people to make for his time in incarceration. He would never survive in the real world
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He has nothing to live for and nothing to gain killing all the people to make for his time in incarceration. He would never survive in the real world
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
Comment from CR Delport
Last week I was on training and didn't have much time to read and review. Although I am going to be swamped with work this week, I'll read and review as much as I can. Sometimes using strong language is necessary for the story. This is well done.
Take care.
Christelle.
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Last week I was on training and didn't have much time to read and review. Although I am going to be swamped with work this week, I'll read and review as much as I can. Sometimes using strong language is necessary for the story. This is well done.
Take care.
Christelle.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
wow nicely done.
What a great story. Strong beginning in the description. Bold body in the play acting as the story catches up. Quite a different ending than I expected, but then you always have the element of surprise.
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wow nicely done.
What a great story. Strong beginning in the description. Bold body in the play acting as the story catches up. Quite a different ending than I expected, but then you always have the element of surprise.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Great job with this prompt, Mikey. You wrote the scenario very well. The deep POV of the wrongly accused is totally believable. I was bracing myself for the inevitable ending, but you threw a surprise in there, didn't you? Our guy apparently doesn't act on his thoughts, since two years have passed. Brilliant twist, Mikey.
Although this story is entertaining, it's also very sad, as this happens all the time. Too many in jail for doing absolutely nothing wrong.
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Great job with this prompt, Mikey. You wrote the scenario very well. The deep POV of the wrongly accused is totally believable. I was bracing myself for the inevitable ending, but you threw a surprise in there, didn't you? Our guy apparently doesn't act on his thoughts, since two years have passed. Brilliant twist, Mikey.
Although this story is entertaining, it's also very sad, as this happens all the time. Too many in jail for doing absolutely nothing wrong.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from w.j.debi
Hi Mickey,
The title caught my attention, especially attached to the picture. Scary thoughts run through this guy's head, but being locked up twelve years could really mess with someone's thought process. Even after he is out he still has the label and cannot live a normal life. If only the crowd had a clue what he was really thinking it would scar them to death.
Excellent character development. I don't think I want to meet this guy. He could snap at any moment and his fantasy could make the evening news.
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Hi Mickey,
The title caught my attention, especially attached to the picture. Scary thoughts run through this guy's head, but being locked up twelve years could really mess with someone's thought process. Even after he is out he still has the label and cannot live a normal life. If only the crowd had a clue what he was really thinking it would scar them to death.
Excellent character development. I don't think I want to meet this guy. He could snap at any moment and his fantasy could make the evening news.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from l.raven
HI Michael, how many who have truly been in this situation???...served time for something they never did...would you forgive and walk away...or take revenge!!!...and he still waits...wondering...in the mean time...he has his freedom...a great story told sweetie...and a ending for thought...very well done you...luff Linda xxoo
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HI Michael, how many who have truly been in this situation???...served time for something they never did...would you forgive and walk away...or take revenge!!!...and he still waits...wondering...in the mean time...he has his freedom...a great story told sweetie...and a ending for thought...very well done you...luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from Sasha
You did a great job with this. Awesome imagery both visual and emotional. That picture is so depressing I cannot imagine anyone spending a minute in there and not going crazy. Terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
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You did a great job with this. Awesome imagery both visual and emotional. That picture is so depressing I cannot imagine anyone spending a minute in there and not going crazy. Terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from Nosha17
Of course, I don't like the language, but I guess it's necessary for this type of story. Very realistically written, bit tongue in cheek, but I am sure these cases are going on all the time, the injustice and then the revenge. A great ending leaving the reader to wonder will he or won't he? Good luck in the contest. Faye
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Of course, I don't like the language, but I guess it's necessary for this type of story. Very realistically written, bit tongue in cheek, but I am sure these cases are going on all the time, the injustice and then the revenge. A great ending leaving the reader to wonder will he or won't he? Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
Comment from Megalips
You are one hell of a writer, Mikey. To be honest, I'm just not sure what happens at the end, and I'm pretty sure that is your intention. To be honest, I'd like to think your protagonist is bluffing and the description of him sitting in the corner eating a Big Mac is a perpetual one...that this afternoon won't be any different than the last. What I can say is, I love the suspense of not really knowing...incredible way to end this. You do a terrific job with dialect in your quotations. I'm absolutely convinced with the validity of this character and his voice. Also, the way you open this story is absolutely perfect, with the judge reading off his mandated deliberation. The insight of your main character is both believable and palpable. You can feel the anger. You can hope against hope that he doesn't act on it. You empathize with him. You hold your breath. Really amazing job on this contest, Mikey. Hope you win it! Interesting title.
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You are one hell of a writer, Mikey. To be honest, I'm just not sure what happens at the end, and I'm pretty sure that is your intention. To be honest, I'd like to think your protagonist is bluffing and the description of him sitting in the corner eating a Big Mac is a perpetual one...that this afternoon won't be any different than the last. What I can say is, I love the suspense of not really knowing...incredible way to end this. You do a terrific job with dialect in your quotations. I'm absolutely convinced with the validity of this character and his voice. Also, the way you open this story is absolutely perfect, with the judge reading off his mandated deliberation. The insight of your main character is both believable and palpable. You can feel the anger. You can hope against hope that he doesn't act on it. You empathize with him. You hold your breath. Really amazing job on this contest, Mikey. Hope you win it! Interesting title.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015