Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 286 "Water Garden"Small and Specialty Poems
8 total reviews
Comment from rod007
A well written almost melodic poem that pays a wonderful tribute to the rocks an cascading water. I found this stanza especially appealing in the way you worked music and symphonies into the piece:
"Terraced gardens gently surround cascading
Rivulets, that fill the ravine with music,
Symphonies with rocks that are serenading,
Gently acoustic.
Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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A well written almost melodic poem that pays a wonderful tribute to the rocks an cascading water. I found this stanza especially appealing in the way you worked music and symphonies into the piece:
"Terraced gardens gently surround cascading
Rivulets, that fill the ravine with music,
Symphonies with rocks that are serenading,
Gently acoustic.
Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Thank you rod. That was mine too.
Comment from artemis53
You captured the peace beautifully and I was most enchanted by your "acoustic" reference. Yes. It's unplugged and nature made with it's only purpose to man being contemplation.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
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You captured the peace beautifully and I was most enchanted by your "acoustic" reference. Yes. It's unplugged and nature made with it's only purpose to man being contemplation.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
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Thyank you Aretemis. yes, unplugged, indeed.
Comment from Pantygynt
It has a delightfully uneven feel to it that is most appropriate for the theme of running water which is often uneven but contained by the contours of the stream bed and banks that provide an interesting structure. It did occur to me that perhaps it might sound more steadily rhythmic in the ancient Greek language. I wrote something on the death of Sappho perhaps I ought to try and rework it into this format it would be fun.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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It has a delightfully uneven feel to it that is most appropriate for the theme of running water which is often uneven but contained by the contours of the stream bed and banks that provide an interesting structure. It did occur to me that perhaps it might sound more steadily rhythmic in the ancient Greek language. I wrote something on the death of Sappho perhaps I ought to try and rework it into this format it would be fun.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt. Give it a go. I'd love to read it.
Comment from Joan E.
Japanese gardens are always so restful--thank you for sharing the water feature in your photograph and Shappo's sonnet form. I enjoyed your rhymes and meter, along with the "Symphonies" metaphor. I needed to "resuscitate," since I'm at Heathrow Airport, en route home, and I felt like I was walking to Los Angeles! Cheers and a great new week- Joan
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Japanese gardens are always so restful--thank you for sharing the water feature in your photograph and Shappo's sonnet form. I enjoyed your rhymes and meter, along with the "Symphonies" metaphor. I needed to "resuscitate," since I'm at Heathrow Airport, en route home, and I felt like I was walking to Los Angeles! Cheers and a great new week- Joan
Comment Written 10-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you Joan. Almost home again.
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Yes, we made it back home--jet lagged, of course, but happy to be back to a pleasant 80 degree temperature and relatively solid land. Hugs- Joan
Comment from I am Cat
Wow, the notes are actually longer than the poem, Tom! lol
I think i"ll stick to the poem!
'Water falling is the most perfect setting
Anyone could ever appreciate, when
Walking through the forest without forgetting
Pathways where you've been. '
( I completely agree and you say it with poetry! our waterfall has dried up, and it's so sad... I'm ready for the rains to return)
'Terraced gardens gently surround cascading
Rivulets, that fill the ravine with music,
Symphonies with rocks that are serenading,
Gently acoustic. '
(I like the rhythm of this stanza, the last line being short and the rhyme of music/acoustic is lovely!)
'Such sights, such sounds, racing around the bubbling
Brook, where every nook has a look that's pleasing
Here in quiet park, it's a never troubling
Place for easing. '
(also, the internal rhyme on the second line of this stanza is wonderful... with brook, nook and look... )
'Go there when you need to resuscitate your
Energy within your poor Soul's unseen core. '
(I could use some resuscitation right now... I'll be right there!)
Well done, and the theme is one of my favorites.
Cat
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Wow, the notes are actually longer than the poem, Tom! lol
I think i"ll stick to the poem!
'Water falling is the most perfect setting
Anyone could ever appreciate, when
Walking through the forest without forgetting
Pathways where you've been. '
( I completely agree and you say it with poetry! our waterfall has dried up, and it's so sad... I'm ready for the rains to return)
'Terraced gardens gently surround cascading
Rivulets, that fill the ravine with music,
Symphonies with rocks that are serenading,
Gently acoustic. '
(I like the rhythm of this stanza, the last line being short and the rhyme of music/acoustic is lovely!)
'Such sights, such sounds, racing around the bubbling
Brook, where every nook has a look that's pleasing
Here in quiet park, it's a never troubling
Place for easing. '
(also, the internal rhyme on the second line of this stanza is wonderful... with brook, nook and look... )
'Go there when you need to resuscitate your
Energy within your poor Soul's unseen core. '
(I could use some resuscitation right now... I'll be right there!)
Well done, and the theme is one of my favorites.
Cat
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you Cat. Hah! I thought youd like that resuscitation line.lets pray, or dance, for rain.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Water Garden
by Treischel
Beautiful sonnet about how easy it's to remember where you've been when you're near a waterfall, with the beautiful sound. You can go there to resuscitate your soul. Well done!
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Water Garden
by Treischel
Beautiful sonnet about how easy it's to remember where you've been when you're near a waterfall, with the beautiful sound. You can go there to resuscitate your soul. Well done!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
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Thank you Gypsy Blue. Yes, you got it.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is a lovely poem, Tom, and really good authors notes. The Japanese really know how to make a soothingly, beautiful garden, I really like them and have tried to recreate a miniature one of my own. A wonderful poem, and a pleasure to read. :) Sandra. xsx
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
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This is a lovely poem, Tom, and really good authors notes. The Japanese really know how to make a soothingly, beautiful garden, I really like them and have tried to recreate a miniature one of my own. A wonderful poem, and a pleasure to read. :) Sandra. xsx
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
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Thank you Sandra. Yes, they are always lovely. Glad you enjoyed the poem.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Very interesting sonnet.
Water features are always soothing and calming to me and if you listen closely you can hear the music. It brings life back to a tired and drained soul. Once again a very beautiful photo.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
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Very interesting sonnet.
Water features are always soothing and calming to me and if you listen closely you can hear the music. It brings life back to a tired and drained soul. Once again a very beautiful photo.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
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Thank you Sandra. I see you are using more of your own photos too.
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I do use my own photos, but it is not nearly as good as yours, mine is mostly taken from my camera phone. I usually first write a poem and then the search for a suitable photo or image start, which sometimes take three times longer than to write the poem.
