Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "All Aboard"Dawn of Chaos
63 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
I read your prologue to see if it could give me a handle on where you're going with this book, but I have to admit coming away even more confused.
I like some things about this piece which I read as a kind of stream of consciousness effort - flinging words at the page like abstract art. This works to some extent and certainly creates interest e.g.
Train brake placed on a Hershey Kiss its slope to cope, clang bell dropped jelly beans raining closer scope, rope lightning its liquid a deposited cream.
I also enjoyed the obvious fun you had with the sound of words - see multiple rhymes like slope/cope/rope/scope in the quote above.
However, the problem with this approach is that it is bound to leave some readers confused by the lack of precise meaning and the seeming incoherence of the overall piece.
Cheers.
Steve
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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I read your prologue to see if it could give me a handle on where you're going with this book, but I have to admit coming away even more confused.
I like some things about this piece which I read as a kind of stream of consciousness effort - flinging words at the page like abstract art. This works to some extent and certainly creates interest e.g.
Train brake placed on a Hershey Kiss its slope to cope, clang bell dropped jelly beans raining closer scope, rope lightning its liquid a deposited cream.
I also enjoyed the obvious fun you had with the sound of words - see multiple rhymes like slope/cope/rope/scope in the quote above.
However, the problem with this approach is that it is bound to leave some readers confused by the lack of precise meaning and the seeming incoherence of the overall piece.
Cheers.
Steve
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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Appreciate the input prevailing this write. I have my issues with grammar. Thanking you for your response and generous rate.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This was fun to read and think about, TPAC. You created great
imagery of candies on a train. I understood each one and could
see each as I read. Your words were well chosen with some internal
rhymes. I believed young kids, well most anyone who likes candy,
would enjoy this.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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This was fun to read and think about, TPAC. You created great
imagery of candies on a train. I understood each one and could
see each as I read. Your words were well chosen with some internal
rhymes. I believed young kids, well most anyone who likes candy,
would enjoy this.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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Glad aspects prevailing this write were appealing to your interests. Thanking you for your encouraging response and generous rate.
Comment from estory
This was interesting in its construction and I thought you built up really interesting, unique and original rhythms to your language in this piece. The language was very convoluted but if you followed the rhythm and the echoing alliterative and rhyme effects there were some great melodies in there. The overall effect of the jumbled images is quite kalaidascopic, and surreal. I was reminded of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory. estory
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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This was interesting in its construction and I thought you built up really interesting, unique and original rhythms to your language in this piece. The language was very convoluted but if you followed the rhythm and the echoing alliterative and rhyme effects there were some great melodies in there. The overall effect of the jumbled images is quite kalaidascopic, and surreal. I was reminded of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory. estory
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I appreciate this break down on this particular read, realizing my lacks as a writer. Glad certain aspects were appealing to your interests. Thanking you for this comment and generous rate.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Tpac,
I read this multiple times... and whilst a tad confusing, the difference in the way it is constructed and delivered is very pleasing in the richness of textures within this sugary retreat.
So different, but I loved it... after all, things pleasing to a child, of more so children... and yes, those among us who have a sweet tooth.
With our thoughts we create...
fantasies of treats.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Hi Tpac,
I read this multiple times... and whilst a tad confusing, the difference in the way it is constructed and delivered is very pleasing in the richness of textures within this sugary retreat.
So different, but I loved it... after all, things pleasing to a child, of more so children... and yes, those among us who have a sweet tooth.
With our thoughts we create...
fantasies of treats.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Glad aspects within this write were appealing to interests, hanging up my guns ending my attempts to write such creative works. Thanking you for your kind words of encouragement and generous rate.
Comment from Wendy G
I found it a bit confusing reading your notes, and trying to relate it to the poem, filled with references to sweets and a train ride. Not sure what you were trying to say? Just stimulating a child's imagination? A metaphor for the whirl of life? I'd be happy to find out more ....
Wendy
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I found it a bit confusing reading your notes, and trying to relate it to the poem, filled with references to sweets and a train ride. Not sure what you were trying to say? Just stimulating a child's imagination? A metaphor for the whirl of life? I'd be happy to find out more ....
Wendy
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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My English is short, broken ideals which are confusing and incoherent, hoping the major concepts of this write, candy and train, were appealing to your interests. Thanking you for your honest comment and generous rate.
Comment from nomi338
Stop! My teeth ache, my A1C levels are very high. I am in sugar overload. This account seems to be at some point reaching a manic pace that threatens to become totally chaotic. I need to get off this ride.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Stop! My teeth ache, my A1C levels are very high. I am in sugar overload. This account seems to be at some point reaching a manic pace that threatens to become totally chaotic. I need to get off this ride.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I love my sugar even with rotten teeth, plotting my Halloween second strike. Thanking you for your response and generous rate.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I like how you mentioned certain candies within the poem. Some of them are a child's favorite. It has been known that some are produced from farm products.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I like how you mentioned certain candies within the poem. Some of them are a child's favorite. It has been known that some are produced from farm products.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Outside of milk, my information is a little short on that farm products statement, finding myself pleases certain aspects in this read were captivating to your interests. Thanking you for this shared thought with a generous rate.
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Milk is a great product in candies~
Comment from dragonpoet
T Pac,
This sounds like an imaginary train ride where food items make up the tracks, and sites along the way. Sometimes it is hard to understand because some of the grammar and words usage seems backward.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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T Pac,
This sounds like an imaginary train ride where food items make up the tracks, and sites along the way. Sometimes it is hard to understand because some of the grammar and words usage seems backward.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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No Joan, I'm surrendering my efforts, having gotten my fun from the experience, finding myself pleased by the response given back. Thanking all reviewers for their conveyances prevailing my write. A more literate deposit is needed. Again, thanking you for your generous rate dispute the flaws.
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You're welcome, TPAC.
Joan
Comment from Terry wrote
this was such fun to read ... the imagery in each short stanza awakened memories of childhood that came with built-in smiles. My husband and son both loved old trains, little and large, and spent many hours visiting them and sharing memories. Thank you for reminding me of that.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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this was such fun to read ... the imagery in each short stanza awakened memories of childhood that came with built-in smiles. My husband and son both loved old trains, little and large, and spent many hours visiting them and sharing memories. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I wanted something for the kids at bedtime, giving them hopes for the next day by things they enjoyed. Glad adults have the same interests. I know I do. Thanking you for your endearing comments and over generous rate.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this very creative poem with us. I enjoyed reading and you mentioned many of my favorite candies. What's not to like? I could easily get on this fantasy train.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Thank you for sharing this very creative poem with us. I enjoyed reading and you mentioned many of my favorite candies. What's not to like? I could easily get on this fantasy train.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Glad certain aspects prevailing this write were appealing to your interests. Thanking you for your supportive comment and generous rate.