Baseball USA
Little league aspirations22 total reviews
Comment from Marvin Calloway
This piece has you sounding like a real baseball aficionado. Very well done. Exciting! I don't want to miss a pitch. You've thoroughly covered everything from the fans in the stands to the paint on the grass.
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This piece has you sounding like a real baseball aficionado. Very well done. Exciting! I don't want to miss a pitch. You've thoroughly covered everything from the fans in the stands to the paint on the grass.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2015
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi John,
Popping in to say hello. I love how you make the scene come alive. ("Hoo, hoo, hoo ...!)
Hope you've had a great summer. Are the grandkids keeping you busy? :)
Sonali
tournament and (would) proceed to play qualifying
The coaching (staff) for the Wildcats and Minutemen arrived hours earlier
The coach('s) serious demeanor suddenly (broke) into a smile. "Keep
Others (chanted,) "(H)oo, hoo, hoo, hoo."
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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Hi John,
Popping in to say hello. I love how you make the scene come alive. ("Hoo, hoo, hoo ...!)
Hope you've had a great summer. Are the grandkids keeping you busy? :)
Sonali
tournament and (would) proceed to play qualifying
The coaching (staff) for the Wildcats and Minutemen arrived hours earlier
The coach('s) serious demeanor suddenly (broke) into a smile. "Keep
Others (chanted,) "(H)oo, hoo, hoo, hoo."
Comment Written 31-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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I'm good, Selina. Great to hear from you. My grand kids are great. I should post a new picture on my profile. My granddaughter just started pre-school (that means I'm getting old).
Thanks for the corrections... John
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Never old, John - just ... seasoned!!!
Comment from boxergirl
Hey John...I love your sports stories because you do such a great job with details and dialogue. A team from Camden AR. won the Little League World Series this summer. Not sure what age group. 8-)
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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Hey John...I love your sports stories because you do such a great job with details and dialogue. A team from Camden AR. won the Little League World Series this summer. Not sure what age group. 8-)
Comment Written 30-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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Thank you BG. Always great to read your reviews... John
Comment from IndianaIrish
You know how much I Love baseball, so I enjoyed this story very much, John. I liked all the pre-game prep and your descriptions are great. This has the feel of the start of something more? I hope so. I've always Said you should write a book about kids and baseball. You write some long sentences that need to be broken up or use a comma to give the reader a rest.I was told once, any sentence over 25-words loses the reader. Slightly longer sentences are okay, just be sure not to string any together. Baseball is your game and it shows in your baseball stories. I made some notes while reading...it looks like a lot, but it's just easier for me to copy and paste the paragraph. Best wishes, John.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
The July sun blazed brightly high over center field drying the morning dew,(.) (this is a long sentence but splits up easy) (S)spectators lined the bleachers,
(Need past tenses in this paragraph)In a few short hours, the Rumson Wildcats (would)will square off against the Springfield Minutemen in the deciding game of the Eastern Regional finals. The winner (would earn)earns an automatic entry into the coveted Little League World Series tournament and (delete-will) proceed to play qualifying teams from other regions of the United States. The ultimate prize; to play in Williamsport, Pa., home of the Little League World Series, versus the leading international team. The winner (delete-will be) crowned the champions.
(Long sentence and needs comma)Mental preparation and execution are key ingredients to achieve victory(,) and the coaches wanted to ensure they were ready for the challenge and to put their team in the best position to win. The team (that)which delivers good pitching, defense or timely hitting(would stand)stands a better chance to advance in further competition. The team which(that) doesn't, (would head)heads home, defeated.
(Need past--it's just easier if I copy and paste the paragraph)For one of (the)these teams, four months of baseball (would culminate)culminates today. From those bone-chilling days in April when the bleachers were filled with fans watching the games wearing winter coats, scarves and gloves, through (those)these last scorching days of July, it (would come)comes down to one final game. This(That) pivotal moment when the winner (would move)moves on to play more baseball(,) and the loser (would go)goes home. Some players (might)will cry, others (would)may just hang their head(s). The coach (would)will replay the game
exclaimed twelve-year(-)old Jeffery White,
chanted out, "(H)hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo."
The coaches(coach's) serious demeanor
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You know how much I Love baseball, so I enjoyed this story very much, John. I liked all the pre-game prep and your descriptions are great. This has the feel of the start of something more? I hope so. I've always Said you should write a book about kids and baseball. You write some long sentences that need to be broken up or use a comma to give the reader a rest.I was told once, any sentence over 25-words loses the reader. Slightly longer sentences are okay, just be sure not to string any together. Baseball is your game and it shows in your baseball stories. I made some notes while reading...it looks like a lot, but it's just easier for me to copy and paste the paragraph. Best wishes, John.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
The July sun blazed brightly high over center field drying the morning dew,(.) (this is a long sentence but splits up easy) (S)spectators lined the bleachers,
(Need past tenses in this paragraph)In a few short hours, the Rumson Wildcats (would)will square off against the Springfield Minutemen in the deciding game of the Eastern Regional finals. The winner (would earn)earns an automatic entry into the coveted Little League World Series tournament and (delete-will) proceed to play qualifying teams from other regions of the United States. The ultimate prize; to play in Williamsport, Pa., home of the Little League World Series, versus the leading international team. The winner (delete-will be) crowned the champions.
(Long sentence and needs comma)Mental preparation and execution are key ingredients to achieve victory(,) and the coaches wanted to ensure they were ready for the challenge and to put their team in the best position to win. The team (that)which delivers good pitching, defense or timely hitting(would stand)stands a better chance to advance in further competition. The team which(that) doesn't, (would head)heads home, defeated.
(Need past--it's just easier if I copy and paste the paragraph)For one of (the)these teams, four months of baseball (would culminate)culminates today. From those bone-chilling days in April when the bleachers were filled with fans watching the games wearing winter coats, scarves and gloves, through (those)these last scorching days of July, it (would come)comes down to one final game. This(That) pivotal moment when the winner (would move)moves on to play more baseball(,) and the loser (would go)goes home. Some players (might)will cry, others (would)may just hang their head(s). The coach (would)will replay the game
exclaimed twelve-year(-)old Jeffery White,
chanted out, "(H)hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo."
The coaches(coach's) serious demeanor
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day John. What a fabulous story mate, I could feel the tension and the excitment through the words. I could also smell the popcorn and taste those hotdogs, you're talikn' my language there Sir. Very enjoyable story as yours always are. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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G'day John. What a fabulous story mate, I could feel the tension and the excitment through the words. I could also smell the popcorn and taste those hotdogs, you're talikn' my language there Sir. Very enjoyable story as yours always are. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thanks Fez. I can always count on you for your support. John
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I enjoyed this story very much. A very nice tone set and you paint the picture of the preparations and build up very well. A scene repeated many times over, time and again.
Good stuff
GMG
ala Babe Ruth - I think its a la Babe Ruth
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Hi there,
I enjoyed this story very much. A very nice tone set and you paint the picture of the preparations and build up very well. A scene repeated many times over, time and again.
Good stuff
GMG
ala Babe Ruth - I think its a la Babe Ruth
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thanks, GMG for reading, sharing and "catching" the correcting.
Always appreciated.
John
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Jeffrey sounds pretty confident...maybe too much so. You don't say how the game turned out, so it could have gone either way. I do think kids have a bit too much pressure put on them by parents when they compete in any sport, from dance to football, but if parents avoid that and tell them just to have fun, it can be good for them. You have to strike a happy medium between working for excellence and demanding too much of kids, I think.
The coaches serious demeanor << Should be coach's, with 's since it is the serious demeanor OF the coach. Coaches is plural, meaning more than one coach. But you know all that... just forgot for a second. :)
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Jeffrey sounds pretty confident...maybe too much so. You don't say how the game turned out, so it could have gone either way. I do think kids have a bit too much pressure put on them by parents when they compete in any sport, from dance to football, but if parents avoid that and tell them just to have fun, it can be good for them. You have to strike a happy medium between working for excellence and demanding too much of kids, I think.
The coaches serious demeanor << Should be coach's, with 's since it is the serious demeanor OF the coach. Coaches is plural, meaning more than one coach. But you know all that... just forgot for a second. :)
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Jeffery wasn't confident. He had the nervous jitters.
Thank for reading and "catching" that correction.
John
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He did seem pretty confident at the end, in what he said, tho.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi John,
well you created the atmospheric elation of the base ball fan and everything that entails my Brother... what a wonderful write... you built it up to the anticipation needed to have us sitting on the edge of our proverbial seats... I could almost hear the 'crack' of ball hitting bat.
'fughedaboutit'... loved that! And love the way you bring a 'realness' into your forum... a real familiarity from both a commentary and child's perspective... a very enjoyable read... but don't leave me hangin' Brother, who's headed to Williamsport... the Wildcats or the Minutemen? Hell, I hope it was the Wildcats... can you smell those 'dogs' on the grill? Jeez they smell good!... smile))))))))!
With our thoughts we create,
the smell of leather and dogs,
James.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Hi John,
well you created the atmospheric elation of the base ball fan and everything that entails my Brother... what a wonderful write... you built it up to the anticipation needed to have us sitting on the edge of our proverbial seats... I could almost hear the 'crack' of ball hitting bat.
'fughedaboutit'... loved that! And love the way you bring a 'realness' into your forum... a real familiarity from both a commentary and child's perspective... a very enjoyable read... but don't leave me hangin' Brother, who's headed to Williamsport... the Wildcats or the Minutemen? Hell, I hope it was the Wildcats... can you smell those 'dogs' on the grill? Jeez they smell good!... smile))))))))!
With our thoughts we create,
the smell of leather and dogs,
James.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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The smell of leather and dogs... Can I use that later on. I'm planning on continuing the story hopefully to a LL World Series. Baseball is pretty popular in Australia, correct? The Yankees had a big Aussie left hsnder one of there championship teams, 1999 I think. Graham Lloyd...
Been a while since I wrote and posted. Thanks for the grand slam of stars, my brother.
Always appreciated. John
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'Course you can... you see something you like, it yours... and Yes, Baseball is a pretty big deal down here, but doesn't get much coverage... strange hey? I used to play football with a couple of guys that played Baseball in the footy off-season... I think they loved it better than football... they both represent Queensland, so they must have been alright at it... and of course, always a true pleasure my Brother... be well.
Comment from Mastery
Great story, John. so many clear and concrete images and strong verbs make this a fine write:
"The American flag stood high atop the flagpole waving its Stars and Stripes to parents, grandparents and other interested onlookers sitting on the bleachers below. Homemade banners sporadically lined the fences rooting for both teams and players, displaying recognition for a job well done and a hope to continue playing tournament baseball. Younger siblings ran playfully in the playground unbeknownst of what was at stake today on the baseball diamond."
And: "Fughedaboudit," said Billy "The Hoot" Barber. "You'll do fine." Billy was the jokester on the team. He usually kept everyone loose with his goofy-type attitude. "It was the first game of the season, ya-know. I was real nervous and I came up with the bases loaded," Billy said. He began to strut like a rooster with a bat on his shoulder. He suddenly stopped and faced the bench. "But, dudes, I crushed it." Billy pointed to the outfield with his bat, ala Babe Ruth. "I got me a triple out of it, and the rest... is... history!"
I am a baseball nut and I loved this, John. Blessings...Bob
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Great story, John. so many clear and concrete images and strong verbs make this a fine write:
"The American flag stood high atop the flagpole waving its Stars and Stripes to parents, grandparents and other interested onlookers sitting on the bleachers below. Homemade banners sporadically lined the fences rooting for both teams and players, displaying recognition for a job well done and a hope to continue playing tournament baseball. Younger siblings ran playfully in the playground unbeknownst of what was at stake today on the baseball diamond."
And: "Fughedaboudit," said Billy "The Hoot" Barber. "You'll do fine." Billy was the jokester on the team. He usually kept everyone loose with his goofy-type attitude. "It was the first game of the season, ya-know. I was real nervous and I came up with the bases loaded," Billy said. He began to strut like a rooster with a bat on his shoulder. He suddenly stopped and faced the bench. "But, dudes, I crushed it." Billy pointed to the outfield with his bat, ala Babe Ruth. "I got me a triple out of it, and the rest... is... history!"
I am a baseball nut and I loved this, John. Blessings...Bob
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Thank you, Bob. I appreciate your stopping over to read and share your commentary.
Thank you, my friend.
John
Comment from Eric1
Hi jmdg, I know very little about Baseball coming from England, you seem to have adopted our national game with relish, yet we haven't adopted yours!
Great story but you can't leave the reader like that, I want to know who won and how lol!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Hi jmdg, I know very little about Baseball coming from England, you seem to have adopted our national game with relish, yet we haven't adopted yours!
Great story but you can't leave the reader like that, I want to know who won and how lol!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Aha... More to come.
Thank you for reading Eric. Always appreciated. John
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My pleasure John and looking forward to it my friend.
