It's a New Season
From hero to host to hero26 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
Hi John,
I enjoyed your story about baseball here... I've chosen this prose piece to review because it's Christmas night, and because it's ONE review away from All Time Best!
In the spirit of the Christmas gift program I started here earlier this month... i"m Paying It Forward... ;) I'd like to thank you for your support this year, for all your reviews and your encouragement. Without each other here on FS we couldn't have the will, or want to to keep writing.
I thank you for that, and I hope that 2016 brings you all positive and wonderful things to you and your family.
I've enjoyed your prose piece about Alex Rodriquez and his fall from fame... but more importantly, your right to 'dance with the one that brung ya" as we say in Texas. ;)
Well written, with just a few SPAG alerts, which are listed below.
Merry Christmas, John... May all your wishes come true!
Love and laughter to you,
Cat
Earlier this week, one of baseball(')s all time leading home run hitters had zero hits in six times at bat with four strikeouts.
For those who aren't aware, Alex Rodriguez or A-Rod, was banned for the entire 2014 baseball season for repeat violations of the league(')s rule against performing enhancing drugs (PED's)
To put it another way: he cheated. He put something in his body that allowed him to gain an edge over his peers. (whoa! Very powerful sentence, stops the reader and makes them aware, hey! this isn't just another article... another story, this is serious stuff! Well said.)
"...for a position on the club(')s roster."
(needs a possessive)
How does a players peers feel after taking the high road, paying their lifelong dues and then someone comes along and receives extra benefits to play better, recover faster and is well into his tremendous contracts because of his PED use? (I"m pretty sure this is just grammatically and structurally incorrect... not sure exactly how to fix it except to restructure it... how about....)
How are their peers supposed to feel when someone else cheats in order to get a huge contract because he has benefited from the use PED's?
(I'm not a fan of rewriting someone else's sentences, please know that, but I feel that I couldn't really save the other one because of the way it started with..
"How does a players peers feel..." It would have to read, "How should the peers of a player feel...." see?)
You may, of course, write it any way you like, lol , but it still needs a rewrite. Sorry . :(
That's exactly what Alex Rodriguez did. He vehemently denied taking and using PED's countless times. But facts are the facts and he was caught and subsequently suspended. (very strong statement.)
Our society one of second chances? (is this a question?... shouldn't it be: Is our society one of second chances?)
We are all entitled to make mistakes, realize them, correct them and move forward, God know I have. (and here, you bring the human element into light, that the narrator is VERY human as well. Well done!)
For me, a die hard Yankee(s) fan...
I'm a fan and that(')s my right.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015
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Hi John,
I enjoyed your story about baseball here... I've chosen this prose piece to review because it's Christmas night, and because it's ONE review away from All Time Best!
In the spirit of the Christmas gift program I started here earlier this month... i"m Paying It Forward... ;) I'd like to thank you for your support this year, for all your reviews and your encouragement. Without each other here on FS we couldn't have the will, or want to to keep writing.
I thank you for that, and I hope that 2016 brings you all positive and wonderful things to you and your family.
I've enjoyed your prose piece about Alex Rodriquez and his fall from fame... but more importantly, your right to 'dance with the one that brung ya" as we say in Texas. ;)
Well written, with just a few SPAG alerts, which are listed below.
Merry Christmas, John... May all your wishes come true!
Love and laughter to you,
Cat
Earlier this week, one of baseball(')s all time leading home run hitters had zero hits in six times at bat with four strikeouts.
For those who aren't aware, Alex Rodriguez or A-Rod, was banned for the entire 2014 baseball season for repeat violations of the league(')s rule against performing enhancing drugs (PED's)
To put it another way: he cheated. He put something in his body that allowed him to gain an edge over his peers. (whoa! Very powerful sentence, stops the reader and makes them aware, hey! this isn't just another article... another story, this is serious stuff! Well said.)
"...for a position on the club(')s roster."
(needs a possessive)
How does a players peers feel after taking the high road, paying their lifelong dues and then someone comes along and receives extra benefits to play better, recover faster and is well into his tremendous contracts because of his PED use? (I"m pretty sure this is just grammatically and structurally incorrect... not sure exactly how to fix it except to restructure it... how about....)
How are their peers supposed to feel when someone else cheats in order to get a huge contract because he has benefited from the use PED's?
(I'm not a fan of rewriting someone else's sentences, please know that, but I feel that I couldn't really save the other one because of the way it started with..
"How does a players peers feel..." It would have to read, "How should the peers of a player feel...." see?)
You may, of course, write it any way you like, lol , but it still needs a rewrite. Sorry . :(
That's exactly what Alex Rodriguez did. He vehemently denied taking and using PED's countless times. But facts are the facts and he was caught and subsequently suspended. (very strong statement.)
Our society one of second chances? (is this a question?... shouldn't it be: Is our society one of second chances?)
We are all entitled to make mistakes, realize them, correct them and move forward, God know I have. (and here, you bring the human element into light, that the narrator is VERY human as well. Well done!)
For me, a die hard Yankee(s) fan...
I'm a fan and that(')s my right.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015
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Cat, thank you first for the kindest words in this holiday season. Not only are you an amazing writer, but also a warm, loving and friendly person.
Thank you for the gracious review and corrections. I wrote that long ago and I guess I never fully edited it.
I've been in a writing slump that has lasted months. I hope the turn into 2016 will change that.
Here's to a joyous holiday season. Thanks for everything... John
Comment from w.j.debi
A professionally written commentary. You should submit it to a newspaper or sports magazine. I like your analysis of A-Rod and what it means to fans, future players, and parents of kids who think they want to be baseball players. Excellent ending. A fan has his rights.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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A professionally written commentary. You should submit it to a newspaper or sports magazine. I like your analysis of A-Rod and what it means to fans, future players, and parents of kids who think they want to be baseball players. Excellent ending. A fan has his rights.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Professionally written? Wow! Awesome. Thank you. I love baseball and dream of writing kids stories for the game.
Just not now...
John
Thank you for both reviews!!!
Comment from Jennpenn
As a Yankee fan myself, I totally agree. I'm also not upset that the Yankee organization will not be awarding A-Rod extra cash--or much recognition--for tying Willie Mays' 660 homers. How many of those did A-Rod really earn? Impossible to tell!
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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As a Yankee fan myself, I totally agree. I'm also not upset that the Yankee organization will not be awarding A-Rod extra cash--or much recognition--for tying Willie Mays' 660 homers. How many of those did A-Rod really earn? Impossible to tell!
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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Sorry for the late response. New work responsibilities tied me up a bit. Thank you for reading and sharing. John
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Sorry for the late response. New work responsibilities tied me up a bit. Thank you for reading and sharing. John
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Ah, 'tis the season! I suppose we all have athletes we love to hate. Time after time we put athletes on pedestals, expecting them to act nobly, even like role models, and when they don't, we're sorely disappointed. People are funny things, aren't they? I still want to see Tiger Woods do well, but he'll never be the utter phenom he once was.
"Players have began the..." (use begun)
"Sluggers are slugging, speedsters are stealing bases, pitchers are pitching deep into games and striking out sluggers at alarming rates." (Loved this sentence. Full of action.)
Enjoyed your commentary, John. And Comcast? They're all bad! LOL
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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Ah, 'tis the season! I suppose we all have athletes we love to hate. Time after time we put athletes on pedestals, expecting them to act nobly, even like role models, and when they don't, we're sorely disappointed. People are funny things, aren't they? I still want to see Tiger Woods do well, but he'll never be the utter phenom he once was.
"Players have began the..." (use begun)
"Sluggers are slugging, speedsters are stealing bases, pitchers are pitching deep into games and striking out sluggers at alarming rates." (Loved this sentence. Full of action.)
Enjoyed your commentary, John. And Comcast? They're all bad! LOL
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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Thank you GLG, for reading. Sorry for the delay. Many hours at work this week. John
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi John,
no matter the couple of little grammatical issues you have here... all of which are easily fixed... this is a great and topical story... especially for someone who loves his sport... and of course the reason to this most entertaining story... Baseball and the illegal use of enhancing drugs in the sport you love so much. But the truth is drugs are and will always be used when so much is at stake... injuries, longevity... or just wanting to get the upper-hand. It's in most every sport I know of... so this is how I choose to look at it, no matter the sport... if you take shit to enhance your performance, then you must think you're not good enough... not just the great A-Rod... the Lance Armstrong's and all the other over-paid athletes that not only lie to their adoring fans, but the ones that lie to themselves... and do not have the guts to put their hand up when caught with their hand in the cookie-jar... just shows you that these individuals are only human after all... and aren't the Gods we paint them to be... and yes, we all make mistakes... but we all have to pay the piper, sooner or later.
No need to point out your spags, they've already been over done... and as for the dickhead who brandished his poor excuse for a review... not even worth breaking a sweat over... it was total bullshit... now, back on the wagon, dust yourself off, address what needs to be tweaked and get back on the plate... this in no way is a strike out, you've just got to loosen your grip and swing through it brother.
I just lost my entire reply to your review before I wrote this... and yes it was about this long... so I thought while I still had the chance, I'd jump on and see what all the down-time was about... just glad you took a breath and regathered your thoughts... this is a great little story... technical you can fix.
Been having a fair bit of trouble with my physical, so I apologize for not getting back to my replies and such, especially yours my friend and brother... your support and encouragement will never go unappreciated... you're my brother of the pen... be well... love to you and your beautiful family... now get back to it!
With our thoughts we create,
the strength of our convictions,
James.
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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Hi John,
no matter the couple of little grammatical issues you have here... all of which are easily fixed... this is a great and topical story... especially for someone who loves his sport... and of course the reason to this most entertaining story... Baseball and the illegal use of enhancing drugs in the sport you love so much. But the truth is drugs are and will always be used when so much is at stake... injuries, longevity... or just wanting to get the upper-hand. It's in most every sport I know of... so this is how I choose to look at it, no matter the sport... if you take shit to enhance your performance, then you must think you're not good enough... not just the great A-Rod... the Lance Armstrong's and all the other over-paid athletes that not only lie to their adoring fans, but the ones that lie to themselves... and do not have the guts to put their hand up when caught with their hand in the cookie-jar... just shows you that these individuals are only human after all... and aren't the Gods we paint them to be... and yes, we all make mistakes... but we all have to pay the piper, sooner or later.
No need to point out your spags, they've already been over done... and as for the dickhead who brandished his poor excuse for a review... not even worth breaking a sweat over... it was total bullshit... now, back on the wagon, dust yourself off, address what needs to be tweaked and get back on the plate... this in no way is a strike out, you've just got to loosen your grip and swing through it brother.
I just lost my entire reply to your review before I wrote this... and yes it was about this long... so I thought while I still had the chance, I'd jump on and see what all the down-time was about... just glad you took a breath and regathered your thoughts... this is a great little story... technical you can fix.
Been having a fair bit of trouble with my physical, so I apologize for not getting back to my replies and such, especially yours my friend and brother... your support and encouragement will never go unappreciated... you're my brother of the pen... be well... love to you and your beautiful family... now get back to it!
With our thoughts we create,
the strength of our convictions,
James.
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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That damn grammer bug bites my behind sometimes more then others. One of these days I'll squash her.
Thank you James for stopping by and sharing everything. Gotta keep it quick, on my way to work. Second job today.
Be well my friend. John
Comment from RonTheWriter
This short story has great potential and is timely, but unfortunately has extensive grammatical errors, which detracts from its readability and understanding of what emotions and perceptions the reader is expected to experience. Here are some examples: The beginning of the third sentence should read "Players have begun. . . " The beginning of the sixth paragraph should begin "How do a player's peers feel . . . to play better, especially when this someone recovers faster and is well into his lucrative contract . . . " I suggest spell checking the story, then have an editor you can trust review the story and make comments. Hope my comments have helped and good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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This short story has great potential and is timely, but unfortunately has extensive grammatical errors, which detracts from its readability and understanding of what emotions and perceptions the reader is expected to experience. Here are some examples: The beginning of the third sentence should read "Players have begun. . . " The beginning of the sixth paragraph should begin "How do a player's peers feel . . . to play better, especially when this someone recovers faster and is well into his lucrative contract . . . " I suggest spell checking the story, then have an editor you can trust review the story and make comments. Hope my comments have helped and good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you so much for the great review and wonderful suggestions.
Please explain - To date, RonTheWriter, has written four reviews this entire year. You've rewarded one four star, one three star, one two star and one one star. How is it, that with many poems or stories ranked above mine, paying much more then mine had to offer, you chose mine. It MAKES NO SENSE!!
You have one poem posted for 2015 and that's all. And you have the nerve, the gall to trash other writers who work hard on composing what they post! Who the "F" do you think you are.
Go ahead, run to Tom and whine about my retort to your BS review.
Comment from lancellot
I like honesty on this. A fan is a fan throughout all. They may get angry or hate what a player does, but love of the game and the team still survives. Well said.
just suggestions:
How does a player[']s peers feel after taking the high road,
- add
correct them and move forward, God know[s] I have.
- add
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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I like honesty on this. A fan is a fan throughout all. They may get angry or hate what a player does, but love of the game and the team still survives. Well said.
just suggestions:
How does a player[']s peers feel after taking the high road,
- add
correct them and move forward, God know[s] I have.
- add
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 09-May-2015
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Thank you lancellot for reading and correcting. John
Comment from Bina1
Alex is an issue, I don't presume to know how to view his record with his PED history. I don't know how he will be judged, will he ever get to the Baseball Hall of Fame? But he is a great player , and the Yankees are surely the best team. Good luck to all of them. You explained the issues well, and in a fair way. Thanks for the great write! Go Yankees!
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Alex is an issue, I don't presume to know how to view his record with his PED history. I don't know how he will be judged, will he ever get to the Baseball Hall of Fame? But he is a great player , and the Yankees are surely the best team. Good luck to all of them. You explained the issues well, and in a fair way. Thanks for the great write! Go Yankees!
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you Bina. I don't feel the Sosa's, McGuire's, Clemens, Bonds of the baseball world deserve the Hall of Fame. But I'm just a nobody...
Glad you liked the post. Go Yankees!
John
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day John. That is a great yarn mate. PED"S or cheating and there is no other way of saying it. One of our AFL teams lost all their points gained over it just last year (Essendon) cheating pricks. I enjoyed this mate.
Spag alert....
"God know(s) I have."
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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G'day John. That is a great yarn mate. PED"S or cheating and there is no other way of saying it. One of our AFL teams lost all their points gained over it just last year (Essendon) cheating pricks. I enjoyed this mate.
Spag alert....
"God know(s) I have."
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Yup, I cannot stand cheating in sports (in life as well).
Thanks Fez. I gotta check your site. John
Comment from Mastery
Hi, John. As a baseball nut, Imtoo am offended by Arod's bullshit. I don't know if I dislike him more or l;ess thaan all the other cheaters like Barry bonds. I collect baseball memorbilia...and have an authographed seattle Mariners cap by ARod...worthless now as are all of his cards I have so much monedy tied up in. I have a collection of over a half million casds. When all of these guys like clemens, bonds and Rodriguez turned up dirty, I lost my ass. aand yet, Pete Rose, the all time hits leader is denied the Hall. all I can say is these other three better be kept out too...and that includes Mark Mc lying--guire.. LOL...
Well written article, John. Bob ps. (I have been missing your reviews of late?)
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Hi, John. As a baseball nut, Imtoo am offended by Arod's bullshit. I don't know if I dislike him more or l;ess thaan all the other cheaters like Barry bonds. I collect baseball memorbilia...and have an authographed seattle Mariners cap by ARod...worthless now as are all of his cards I have so much monedy tied up in. I have a collection of over a half million casds. When all of these guys like clemens, bonds and Rodriguez turned up dirty, I lost my ass. aand yet, Pete Rose, the all time hits leader is denied the Hall. all I can say is these other three better be kept out too...and that includes Mark Mc lying--guire.. LOL...
Well written article, John. Bob ps. (I have been missing your reviews of late?)
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you Bob. I haven't forgotten your book, but with three jobs, I'm strapped for time,
I will get back to it. John
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I'm good. Just didn't want you to lose the thread, my friend. Bob
