Love in the Sand
Blank Verse83 total reviews
Comment from padumachitta
Hey Teresa...I missed this the first time around...it is wonderful.
and CONGRATULATIONS on the second place win...
you rock!
padumachitta
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Hey Teresa...I missed this the first time around...it is wonderful.
and CONGRATULATIONS on the second place win...
you rock!
padumachitta
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2015
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Hey thanks. I was so surprised. Meter is so hard for me to do.
Comment from Autumn Splendour
I like this poem, because it is not the usual mushy love poem that talks of eternal happily ever after but has a touch of cynicism. Yes when the romance is over and reality sets in, how many notes of love get washed ashore and how many get 'buried deep within the crashing waves"? Lovely. Simple yet profound.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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I like this poem, because it is not the usual mushy love poem that talks of eternal happily ever after but has a touch of cynicism. Yes when the romance is over and reality sets in, how many notes of love get washed ashore and how many get 'buried deep within the crashing waves"? Lovely. Simple yet profound.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much:)
Comment from Shadowfaxw
Quite thought provoking. This poem shows how fragile love really is. It can be encased deep in sand, yet every few second a wave crashes down on top of it, eroding it slowly over time. It's like a pie crust as Mary Poppins would say, easily made and easily broken.
Cheers for the entry!
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Quite thought provoking. This poem shows how fragile love really is. It can be encased deep in sand, yet every few second a wave crashes down on top of it, eroding it slowly over time. It's like a pie crust as Mary Poppins would say, easily made and easily broken.
Cheers for the entry!
Comment Written 10-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Thanks so much;)
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Thanks so much;)
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Thanks so much;)
Comment from c_lucas
Love notes in the sand seldom last very long. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. It is better you carve your note in curing concrete.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Love notes in the sand seldom last very long. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. It is better you carve your note in curing concrete.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Thank you Charlie:)
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Thank you Charlie:)
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Thank you Charlie:)
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You're welcome, Teresa. Charlie
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Theresa
I've enjoyed your entry very much. Loving sentiments in your first verse following into a muse into the nature of love, its longevity, its propensity for diversity and continuance. Your final verse provides a questioning; the speculation of just how much, how many have loved over the eons.
You begin on the 'surface' and delve to great depths in this short set of triplets. So much in so few words and phrases. (At least that is what I read).
"Wind-swept/tossed/buried deep/crashing waves" - powerful word usage takes your poem to the next level. Excellent image and presentation.
*Just to note: you have some hieroglyphs in your notes.
Excellent use of enjambment to maintain good flow and detract from the lack of rhyme which some expect. The 'a' and 'o' assonance throughout creates a delightful melody with the tiny touch of 'h' alliteration.
I'm no expert on blank verse ... perhaps "cross/tossed" would be considered rhyme??
A wonderful entry for the contest. I wish you the best of luck. Warm regards - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Hi Theresa
I've enjoyed your entry very much. Loving sentiments in your first verse following into a muse into the nature of love, its longevity, its propensity for diversity and continuance. Your final verse provides a questioning; the speculation of just how much, how many have loved over the eons.
You begin on the 'surface' and delve to great depths in this short set of triplets. So much in so few words and phrases. (At least that is what I read).
"Wind-swept/tossed/buried deep/crashing waves" - powerful word usage takes your poem to the next level. Excellent image and presentation.
*Just to note: you have some hieroglyphs in your notes.
Excellent use of enjambment to maintain good flow and detract from the lack of rhyme which some expect. The 'a' and 'o' assonance throughout creates a delightful melody with the tiny touch of 'h' alliteration.
I'm no expert on blank verse ... perhaps "cross/tossed" would be considered rhyme??
A wonderful entry for the contest. I wish you the best of luck. Warm regards - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 10-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Thank you Lovi for the wonderful review and suggestion on the possible rhyme - I'll check into that.
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Thank you Lovi for the wonderful review and suggestion on the possible rhyme - I'll check into that.
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Thank you Lovi for the wonderful review and suggestion on the possible rhyme - I'll check into that.
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Seems there are three of you this week. :))) I'll answer them all to clear. I'm just learning a little about blank verse and I'm terrible at meter. Some contest are more strict than others about rhyme. I just thought I better point it out. Good luck. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
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Hi Theresa
Seems there are three of you this week. :))) I'll answer them all to clear. I'm just learning a little about blank verse and I'm terrible at meter. Some contest are more strict than others about rhyme. I just thought I better point it out. Good luck. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
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Hi Theresa
Seems there are three of you this week. :))) I'll answer them all to clear. I'm just learning a little about blank verse and I'm terrible at meter. Some contest are more strict than others about rhyme. I just thought I better point it out. Good luck. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment from tgoodrich1016
Wow! Amazing!!
I looked up iambic pentameter and was trying to understand it. I was having some difficulty even understanding what it was, let alone writing a iambic pentameter poem.
What I gathered is that an iambic pentameter is when you have and unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable or a short syllable followed by a long syllable (i.e. comPOSE). It's like the sound of a heartbeat (lubDUB). You then make five metric word consisting of one unstressed and stressed syllable each, I think????? I am not completely sure on this part????
Sorry, I was trying to understand it better. I am hoping, over time, I will catch on.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Wow! Amazing!!
I looked up iambic pentameter and was trying to understand it. I was having some difficulty even understanding what it was, let alone writing a iambic pentameter poem.
What I gathered is that an iambic pentameter is when you have and unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable or a short syllable followed by a long syllable (i.e. comPOSE). It's like the sound of a heartbeat (lubDUB). You then make five metric word consisting of one unstressed and stressed syllable each, I think????? I am not completely sure on this part????
Sorry, I was trying to understand it better. I am hoping, over time, I will catch on.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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You got it right. It is very challenging for me to write in iambic meter. I usually write free verse. Thanks for the great review:)
Comment from Glasstruth
Two lovers on a sandy beach as waves wash their existence away into the vastness of the sea. Has a romantic and sad touch to it. Nice rhythmic flow throughout. Reads well. Thanks for sharing. Les
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Two lovers on a sandy beach as waves wash their existence away into the vastness of the sea. Has a romantic and sad touch to it. Nice rhythmic flow throughout. Reads well. Thanks for sharing. Les
Comment Written 09-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Thank you Les:)
Comment from DALLAS01
How many drafts of love have been removed,
enfolded in the waves to cross the blue,
then tossed upon the shore athwart the sea?
I love it when a poet takes a simple act and gives me something to ponder.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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How many drafts of love have been removed,
enfolded in the waves to cross the blue,
then tossed upon the shore athwart the sea?
I love it when a poet takes a simple act and gives me something to ponder.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much:)
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You're welcome.
Comment from scd41
Though a common scene at sea beaches, your poem on a couple walking hand-in-hand arouses extraordinary feelings. That gives an inkling of your poetic imagination expressed in just a few lines. 'How many grains of sand have held the words of love' is just one of those thought-provoking lines.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Though a common scene at sea beaches, your poem on a couple walking hand-in-hand arouses extraordinary feelings. That gives an inkling of your poetic imagination expressed in just a few lines. 'How many grains of sand have held the words of love' is just one of those thought-provoking lines.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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THank you so much:)
Comment from Leineco
LOL. . .I have to tell you - based on the title (as a seaside dweller) I could not help but pre-imagine a tale of a romantic fantasy undone - - - once sand, crabs and seagulls got involved!
That aside - I really like the phrase "love draft" here - the dual ideas of impermanence (first draft) and sketch (illustration) :-)
And, oh, how true it is. . .carved in the sand, how many millions of declarations have been swept away by the crashing of of waves!
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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LOL. . .I have to tell you - based on the title (as a seaside dweller) I could not help but pre-imagine a tale of a romantic fantasy undone - - - once sand, crabs and seagulls got involved!
That aside - I really like the phrase "love draft" here - the dual ideas of impermanence (first draft) and sketch (illustration) :-)
And, oh, how true it is. . .carved in the sand, how many millions of declarations have been swept away by the crashing of of waves!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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lol. Thank you for the awesome and fun review:)