Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

I enjoyed reading Fine Day For Zarbs' Unravelling and finding out more about Zarbs adventures. You did an excellent job developing the plot and characters. Good job!

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015

Thank you, Gypsy Blue Rose. I appreciate your kind comments and generous rating.

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

from not six inches from my arm and drop it into his lap
(could you leave out the first 'from'?)

It was true I as much as promised him I would. (period after true to make 2 sentences.)

Jay, I did not get notifications for your work and that of several other writers, but happened upon this. Evil Eddie must have been busy over the weekend wrecking havoc with my inbox.

Well written as always--a couple things to look at though.

Have a wonderful week, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2015

Thanks for reading, Debbie. I've had the same problem with notifications. Thanks for your eagle eye. I took care of "It was true I as much as promised him ..." I had originally had a "that" after true. In my effort to get rid of unnecessary "thats" I took that one out. It's better with it in. Done. I can't take out the "from" in the other suggestion without changing the meaning. I'll look to reconstruct the sentence. I, too, don't like the same word used twice in the same sentence. Thanks again, Debbie.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent write, jay, I was going to skip it when I saw I had missed so many chapters, but saw the note with the summary attached so I read on as it was you that was writing it. I love the fear from the colonel for what he did

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2015

What a compliment you gave me, sweetwoodjax! Thank you so much for reading, for your generous rating and kindness.

Comment from JaseDR85

Excellent

This was outstanding. The summary, the start of the chapter, all informative. Even after leaving the characters thoughts the action and dialog was snappy. You do an excellent job of showing vs telling, in the action and in the characters head.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2015

Many thanks, JaseDR85. I know it's not easy getting into the middle of this. I'm gratified to see this has resonated in you.

Comment from thee-name

Excellent

Excellent chapter. Writing was interesting.

Earlier, with the safety of the troops being my responsibility,
my soul felt torn ( as under ) by the agony of being to choose, when the time would come, allegiance to one or the other: Axtilla or Kabeez.

( FORGOT SUGGESTION )

Suggestion: separate as & under

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015

Thank you, thee-name, for the kind and generous rating. I'll take a look at your suggestion when the story drops. I appreciate any and all suggestions, but only make grammar changes while it's up, or those things that, by not changing them, would make me look stupid. Jay doesn't like stupid--especially in himself.

reply by thee-name on 06-Jul-2015

thank you!

Comment from robina1978

Excellent

I did not realise this would be so far in your book. But your introduction helped somewhat. I can see you write well, and it sounds it might be a thrilling book. No mistakes found.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015

Oh, yes, it's deep into it. It stalled 4 months ago, and I'm just now working at resuscitating it. Hope to have you back.

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

I thought this might be the end, Jay. I'm glad you provided information on the last part of the story to catch us up. My mind keeps reverting back to the times when he regained consciousness and visions of his former life. I keep expecting him to wake up and his wife to be there in the form of Axtilla. Giddy

 Comment Written 04-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2015

Well, it is fantasy, but not romantic fantasy. LOL, The story stalled for 4 months, Giddy. I finally got the chapter completed that had stalled it and I see my way through to the other dozen or so to the end. I just wanted to make sure the readers were brought back to speed, so I reposted the last chapter and included the 20 preceding chapters. Thanks for reading, Giddy.

Comment from Javed05

Excellent

This piece is good.....I found this very interesting ....This piece flows smoothly and shows that writer has good command on words.....while reading I could see the imagery created by the author........thank you

 Comment Written 04-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2015

Thank you so much Javed. My you are a fast reader. I appreciate your enjoyment of the piece.

Comment from bob cullen

Excellent

Jay, while I can't say I enjoy this genre, I must compliment you on the writing. Your vocabulary is amazing and your phrasing exceptional. Allow me to provide an example. 'If Axtilla knew who, or what these agents were, it was locked behind her beautiful lips.

Tell me about your work life. Judging from the many reviews I've received from you, I'd not be surprised to hear there's some history of teaching in your background.

 Comment Written 10-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015

Hey, Bob, thanks for reading this and reviewing. I hated getting that close to ATB and not get it.

There is no work life. I'm retired. I apprenticed as a teacher for one semester, after getting a teaching degree. Didn't follow through, however. I sold insurance for forty years.

Comment from Walter L. Jones

Exceptional

This is masterful story, I am waiting each word, hope I am still around when you finish. really enjoyed, best day you can find, this one needs to be published.. Walt

 Comment Written 08-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015

Thank you, Walter. I'm relieved to get this review from you. You've been absent a few days. I do plan to pursue publishing this, but it may have to be e-published. I'm just pleased it found such an audience here, and your being a part of it is important.