Comment from Jennpenn

Excellent

YETH, a wonderful way to relay a rite of passage. Who among us hasn't done something similar with that pesky tooth that just doesn't want to come out on it's own?

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015

I'm delighted you enjoyed this mini story, and thank you for taking the time to read, review, and for your kind comments, Jennpenn. Thanks so much!
Smiles,
Indy :-)

Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

OUCH!

PW, what in the world!? What crazy guy would do that sort of thing to himself? Take me to the dentist or give me a good shot of Bushmills to dull the pain. LOL.
You've penned a wonderful little story in so very few words. And the ending was a huge surprise.

I can see why this is a contest winner!
RR

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015

Thanks for your review and comments, Ray. My brother did this when he was a kid by tying his tooth to the doorknob and slamming the door. He was tired of waiting for the quarter from the tooth fairy. LOL I don't think my parents would have given him any Bushmills. I'm glad you enjoyed and liked the misdirection.
Smiles,
Kar :-)

Comment from abbasjoy

Excellent

Wow! And you sure did it in a few words. Bet everyone was thinking Jake was going to get a rope from the garage and hang himself. But you sure fooled us all.
Great writing by getting your audience to think one way but actually meaning something quite to the contrary.
Good job!

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015

Thank you, abbasjoy, for your kind review and comments for my micro story. I truly appreciate your taking the time to read nd share your thoughts. I'm delighted you enjoyed the misdirection of the story. Thanks!
Smiles,
Indy :-)

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

'He grinned. "(Yeth!) I did it!" I think you mean (yeah). Unless you wanted to make that noise (th) as he had just lost his tooth.

Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015

Yes, dmt, I did mean it to be yeth to show the lisp of losing a tooth. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my micro story, and I appreciate your kind comments. I'm delighted you enjoyed.
Smiles,
Indy :-)

Comment from Muffins

Exceptional

This is what flash fiction is about. It starts in the meat of the story. Immediately pushes the reader toward the right then, without notice, the reader is yanked toward the left.

"I'm gonna do it today," Jake told himself in the mirror." This first sentence offers an intensity of something awful to come. Automatically, I thought O.K. this person is going to kill themselves. I braced for it and then boom, I'm hit with this sentence,"and his loose tooth went flying.

Congratulations on a well deserved win.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015

Thank you so much for this wonderful review for my mini story, Muffins, and I truly appreciate your generous rating. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and that you liked the little bit of misdirection. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your kind words. Thanks, too, for your congratulations!
Smiles,
Indy :-)

Comment from Dashjianta

Excellent

A succinct piece of flash, with some mystery as I wondered what he was going to do, then a surprise as he removes his tooth. Well written with no wasted words.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015

Thank you for your great review and comments for my mini story, Dashjianta. I appreciate your taking the time to read and share your kind comments.
Smiles,
Indy :-)

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

I guess I was late to the party on this one. Congrats on winning the contest with this fine entry.

Nice, clean twist at the end.
John

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015

Thanks for reading my micro story, John, and I appreciate your kind words and congratulations. I'm glad you enjoyed the misdirection.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

HI Karyn, I am sorry I am to late to vote...but a well earned win....CONGRATULATIONS sweet girl...I think that's how my dad won't to pull our teeth as kids...LOL...love it...very well written story...Luff Linda xxoo luff

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015

Thank you so much, Linda. I'm delighted you enjoyed this mini story and your kind words and congratulations are very much appreciated. Thank you for reading and sharing your comments.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)

reply by l.raven on 20-Mar-2015

you are so welcome Karyn...smiling back at ya...Linda xxoo

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

I remember only one of my baby teeth. I had an odd feeling and glared at the apple I was eating and there the bloody thing was...I seem to remember my mom pulling lots of them with her fingers. Good twist at the end...no suicidal necktie party...

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015

LOL An apple works just as well as a doorknob, but who wants to keep eating a bloody Apple, huh? Thanks for your review and comments, LIJ Red. Thanks for taking the time to read.
Smiles,
Indy :-)

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Excellent dramatic build-up, as if Jake was going to commit some ghastly crime or commit suicide, Kar, plus a great surprise ending with suitable artwork.

I wonder if anyone actually ever did this. Knowing my luck, I'd tie the string on my only GOOD tooth. ;-)

Congrats on the win.

Cheers, Ray xx

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015

Thanks for your great review, Ray, and kind congratulations. My brother did this string tied to a doorknob thing because he was wanting the money from the tooth fairy and didn't want to wait till it fell out on its own. Lol. Thanks for reading!
Smiles,
Kar :-)