Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "After Lunch"All chapters
3 total reviews
Comment from Ashar001
I think something went wrong with numbering the chapters. This must be 7, I presume.
A kind of "bridging" chapter, not as sparkling as your previous work, introducing a new character, but I am not sure what role she is going to play as of yet..
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
I think something went wrong with numbering the chapters. This must be 7, I presume.
A kind of "bridging" chapter, not as sparkling as your previous work, introducing a new character, but I am not sure what role she is going to play as of yet..
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thanks for reviewing this chapter.
Not sure about the chapter numbers.
You made a negative into a positive, intimating that some of my previous work was sparkling. Thank you.
Ximena is a recurring character.
Marv
Comment from stroncoso1
Interesting chapter. I like the new character Ximena. In your line (at the top)
"I'll considerate it as a down payment" you have a small typo: I think you meant to write, "I'll consider it..." I get that Ximena has an accent and it works. But Charley doesn't need to correct his thoughts, "we utilized every meeneet, I mean minute of it." Although it's funny, it only works if he is speaking. The line sounds like he is thinking "We weren't late. Dolores already told me that Charley..."
The chapter intrigues me and I want to read about the surprise. Good job!
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2015
Interesting chapter. I like the new character Ximena. In your line (at the top)
"I'll considerate it as a down payment" you have a small typo: I think you meant to write, "I'll consider it..." I get that Ximena has an accent and it works. But Charley doesn't need to correct his thoughts, "we utilized every meeneet, I mean minute of it." Although it's funny, it only works if he is speaking. The line sounds like he is thinking "We weren't late. Dolores already told me that Charley..."
The chapter intrigues me and I want to read about the surprise. Good job!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2015
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Thanks for reviewing one of the chapters of this novel. That fact that you found it interesting I find to be high praise. Regarding typos, how can one read a chapter so many times and never see an obvious typo? It hardly seems possible. Thanks for pointing out that one and all that follow.
Ximena: I'm glad the accent works. She'll be back.
Marv
Comment from Jackreese
Sounds like a good story so far. The characters were well drawn and the relationship between the couple came across realistic. Ximenia was a hoot.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2015
Sounds like a good story so far. The characters were well drawn and the relationship between the couple came across realistic. Ximenia was a hoot.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2015
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Jackreese
Thanks, Jack, for reviewing my story. I appreciate the kind words and hope to hear from you often.
Marv