Sometimes Roses, Sometimes Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Our Secret Dance"A collection of sonnets
24 total reviews
Comment from catandheath
This is lovely. The emotion of this secret love affair definitely comes through and my heart was captured by the speaker's love for this person. I was struck by the two opening lines conveying how strongly we hold the memory of the face of someone we love in our minds. It's sad that these two people have to be apart, but the elements of "dire consequences", "practicality" and "honesty" are firmly acknowledged here and I believe the speaker, though heart broken, is honoring those values. If only "the right thing to do" could keep our hearts from falling in love with someone we shouldn't. Very nice.
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This is lovely. The emotion of this secret love affair definitely comes through and my heart was captured by the speaker's love for this person. I was struck by the two opening lines conveying how strongly we hold the memory of the face of someone we love in our minds. It's sad that these two people have to be apart, but the elements of "dire consequences", "practicality" and "honesty" are firmly acknowledged here and I believe the speaker, though heart broken, is honoring those values. If only "the right thing to do" could keep our hearts from falling in love with someone we shouldn't. Very nice.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2015
Comment from Charlene0513
To michaelcahill,
Adoration is developed and prospers when we allow our fantasies to flourish.
But when our inner spirits tell us something is not right we must resign with
dignity and truth and pray that she understands and accepts things for what they are----as friends.
Charlene
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To michaelcahill,
Adoration is developed and prospers when we allow our fantasies to flourish.
But when our inner spirits tell us something is not right we must resign with
dignity and truth and pray that she understands and accepts things for what they are----as friends.
Charlene
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from catch22
Hi Mikey, this is a lovely sonnet for the Love Poem contest and your lines are filled with passion. I had an issue with some of the sentence structure in the following stanza though:
In blindness, we indulge our hearts desire
but practical and honest is recalled
(honest what? Something is missing from this line)
Other than this, you've penned a very strong contender in this contest.
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Hi Mikey, this is a lovely sonnet for the Love Poem contest and your lines are filled with passion. I had an issue with some of the sentence structure in the following stanza though:
In blindness, we indulge our hearts desire
but practical and honest is recalled
(honest what? Something is missing from this line)
Other than this, you've penned a very strong contender in this contest.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
Comment from Lylise
Well, I am just sitting here laughing my ass off!!! How fucking cool is this? You sticker! Lesson learned, my man. How dare you keep such secrets from me?? I can't stop laughing!!! This is beautiful, well formatted and you'll probably win this goofy contest. Thanks for making me laugh and sigh heavily.
Lynda
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Well, I am just sitting here laughing my ass off!!! How fucking cool is this? You sticker! Lesson learned, my man. How dare you keep such secrets from me?? I can't stop laughing!!! This is beautiful, well formatted and you'll probably win this goofy contest. Thanks for making me laugh and sigh heavily.
Lynda
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
Comment from jlsavell
Michaelcahill, ahh the world is full of love poems, love poems, love poems.. how much can one write about love poems?
Regardless, your poem is well worth reading. I am not sure what meter you are using, but at times I seem to get stilted upon reading, but otherwise it is a wonderful poem about unrequited love..
jlsavell
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Michaelcahill, ahh the world is full of love poems, love poems, love poems.. how much can one write about love poems?
Regardless, your poem is well worth reading. I am not sure what meter you are using, but at times I seem to get stilted upon reading, but otherwise it is a wonderful poem about unrequited love..
jlsavell
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
Comment from pattipac
Mike, you have penned a lovely love poem about two people drawn together in romance's grasp; however, other commitments prevent it from lasting. Good word choice and rhyme-scheme make this poem resonate with this reviewer.
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Mike, you have penned a lovely love poem about two people drawn together in romance's grasp; however, other commitments prevent it from lasting. Good word choice and rhyme-scheme make this poem resonate with this reviewer.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
Comment from lancellot
Very impressive. Some loves are not to be. It is rare see honor and love take characters into not fulfilling desire. You have written about a love few touch. Great job.
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Very impressive. Some loves are not to be. It is rare see honor and love take characters into not fulfilling desire. You have written about a love few touch. Great job.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
Comment from Tatarka2
I think this deserves a 6 because, no matter how many times I read this, I can't think of a single word or line that I would suggest you change. I love the poignant message, and the lyrical way in which the poem is written. The last stanza is perfect, and really completes the poem. This is so well done. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. I think this deserves to win.
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I think this deserves a 6 because, no matter how many times I read this, I can't think of a single word or line that I would suggest you change. I love the poignant message, and the lyrical way in which the poem is written. The last stanza is perfect, and really completes the poem. This is so well done. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. I think this deserves to win.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
Comment from Nosha17
Well expressed sentiments of love and romance between two souls who are destined to eventually be apart. Good use of descriptive language and excellent rhyming. I spotted one wee thing in verse 3, as it is a contest-it should read 'our hearts' desire. Most enjoyable and lovely imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
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Well expressed sentiments of love and romance between two souls who are destined to eventually be apart. Good use of descriptive language and excellent rhyming. I spotted one wee thing in verse 3, as it is a contest-it should read 'our hearts' desire. Most enjoyable and lovely imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
Comment from artemis53
Absolutely, beautiful, Michael. I actually can relate to the situation but am more intrigued by your total presentation. "For time is not your Master, I can see." Yes. I relate to this beautiful poem.
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Absolutely, beautiful, Michael. I actually can relate to the situation but am more intrigued by your total presentation. "For time is not your Master, I can see." Yes. I relate to this beautiful poem.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
