THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Garvin's Painful Truth (Pt. 3)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
28 total reviews
Comment from Thewriterwithnoname
Better late than never, my review, but it's been a crazy two weeks. Forgive me! It sounds like things are coming to head with Jed's illness and the tension--as I fully expect some disaster to occur--is becoming almost unbearable. How this resolves will be very important as to whether or not too much time was spent on this part of the story.
A few things, they're all pretty nitpicky: "Tardy chuckle" Don't like the tardy, reminds me too much of high school. I'd go with delayed here.
"it brought one out in me, as well." Wouldn't you say out OF me?
"My head hit the pillow," Hit the pillow is italicized.
On to the next chapter!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Better late than never, my review, but it's been a crazy two weeks. Forgive me! It sounds like things are coming to head with Jed's illness and the tension--as I fully expect some disaster to occur--is becoming almost unbearable. How this resolves will be very important as to whether or not too much time was spent on this part of the story.
A few things, they're all pretty nitpicky: "Tardy chuckle" Don't like the tardy, reminds me too much of high school. I'd go with delayed here.
"it brought one out in me, as well." Wouldn't you say out OF me?
"My head hit the pillow," Hit the pillow is italicized.
On to the next chapter!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much! I was afraid you'd left us. All are good points to consider. I'll be pasting this into my folder to use in the final edit.
Comment from Curly Girly
This is a well written chapter, in which I spotted no spag. Good dialogue and descriptions. Your writing is earnest and clear, placing the reader at the bedside of the patient. The tired friend also comes across as brisk and irritated, it is easy to feel his tension and anxiety.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
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This is a well written chapter, in which I spotted no spag. Good dialogue and descriptions. Your writing is earnest and clear, placing the reader at the bedside of the patient. The tired friend also comes across as brisk and irritated, it is easy to feel his tension and anxiety.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Curly Girly for your kind words and generous rating. Hope you choose to come back and visit this and my other novel as well. Blessings.
Comment from LIJ Red
Not knowing the backstory, I judge by the clarity and movement of what I see in any given posting, but I think the results would be the same. Your story moves steadily and smoothly, thoroughly detailed.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
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Not knowing the backstory, I judge by the clarity and movement of what I see in any given posting, but I think the results would be the same. Your story moves steadily and smoothly, thoroughly detailed.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Red. This isn't the first you've read of my novel, is it? It moves toward a lot more fantasy over the next several chapters, accelerating to the conclusion. Thanks for reading.
Comment from jaeladarling
Poor Jed! He doesn't need such internal turmoil on top of the physical mess. Glad to see that he's still healing, but hate to see him this way.
Good chapter - leaves me wanting more, so get on it! :p :) :)
A few nits:
"He smiled at me and then" (Comma after "me")
"I had to agree with him, and told" (No comma)
"And, then he let his arm" (No comma)
"He took a breath, and seemed to hold it." (No comma)
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
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Poor Jed! He doesn't need such internal turmoil on top of the physical mess. Glad to see that he's still healing, but hate to see him this way.
Good chapter - leaves me wanting more, so get on it! :p :) :)
A few nits:
"He smiled at me and then" (Comma after "me")
"I had to agree with him, and told" (No comma)
"And, then he let his arm" (No comma)
"He took a breath, and seemed to hold it." (No comma)
Comment Written 25-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2015
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Dang commas! They're ugly little critters anyway. All slanted and so forth.
Hey, thanks for reading and pointing out the obvious (to you, not to me, or they wouldn't be there.
You're the best, Jaela!
Comment from leigholiver
good piece of writing, had me interested from start to finish, which in its self is a unique trait to have. well done. good use of words
keep up the good work
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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good piece of writing, had me interested from start to finish, which in its self is a unique trait to have. well done. good use of words
keep up the good work
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Thank you so much, Leigh, for your kind words and your generous rating. Hope you come back for more of this novel.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Please tell me that Jed is not going to die. He has become my favorite character. I like the fatherly doting that Doctrex does. Good imagery in the way they talk mostly with their eyes and the unspoken bond between the three characters now. Good chapter. Gretchen
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Please tell me that Jed is not going to die. He has become my favorite character. I like the fatherly doting that Doctrex does. Good imagery in the way they talk mostly with their eyes and the unspoken bond between the three characters now. Good chapter. Gretchen
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Thanks for reading. I was beginning to think I'd lost you on this post.I would like to tell you Jed's going to pull through, Gretchen. I really would. He's one of my favorites as well. I have to be true to the novel, though.
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Dammit, Jay. Now I won't sleep tonight. What does that say about your novel. I am worrying a fictious character won't survive. Great writing. Gretchen
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I know. I should learn from my friend Jax and say Zip-Lock!
Comment from amahra
Very strong descriptive writing. Liked the image of Jed struggling to communicate with his eye and hand gestures. Very good imagery writing for the scenes.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Very strong descriptive writing. Liked the image of Jed struggling to communicate with his eye and hand gestures. Very good imagery writing for the scenes.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Gosh it's good to hear from you again, Ama. Are you planning to post any of your ongoing "witch" novel soon? It's been a while.
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Yes I'm about to post in just a few minutes. Had to earn some money first. I had to put my book on hold; I was busy trying to promote my new fantasy thriller, The Glass Cat Eye.
Comment from Dawn Munro
What a touching chapter. I'm so glad to see Jed improving as he is, especially since Gavin had all but declared him dead, but now this sad news had to be imparted. The description of that single tear as it trailed down his cheek is so touching. Well done - again.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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What a touching chapter. I'm so glad to see Jed improving as he is, especially since Gavin had all but declared him dead, but now this sad news had to be imparted. The description of that single tear as it trailed down his cheek is so touching. Well done - again.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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So happy to have you back, Dawn. You are so kind with your review. A lot's gonna happen. Please come back.
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It was my pleasure. :)
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I do love that we are back into the progress of this story now, Jay. These are great descriptions of the suffering of Jed and Doctrex's concern. Their loyalty to each other is touching, Giddy
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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I do love that we are back into the progress of this story now, Jay. These are great descriptions of the suffering of Jed and Doctrex's concern. Their loyalty to each other is touching, Giddy
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Giddy! So good to have you back. I was afraid you were going to miss this one. And then to give it a SIX!!!! Thank you so much. I'm waiting for your next chapter.
Comment from ravenblack
I know I am jumping in late in the story. I like your blend of fantasy and reality, particularly such words as pappering that add another level of immersion in your world. do you mean automatic translation as deciphering any language or in a more mystic sense?
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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I know I am jumping in late in the story. I like your blend of fantasy and reality, particularly such words as pappering that add another level of immersion in your world. do you mean automatic translation as deciphering any language or in a more mystic sense?
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Grasping at straws, Ed. I had to deal with an English speaking American who finds himself in another world, on a different plane (Time/physical/spiritual) discovering that he understands the verbiage of another, and she understands his, though her English words are out of sync with the movement of her lips. As he acclimates to her speech patterns he no longer notices the asyncronizaton. He finds out later that it is a natural phenomenon on this plane and it is how a person speaking in one language communicates with the language of another person. It's called pappering and he discovers over the course of book one that his learning of pappering is getting easier until he no longer thinks about it.
Ed, I'm honored that you dip into a chapter here and there, but don't feel any sense of obligation to follow it regularly. I think you'll just be frustrated.
Thanks again, my friend.
