Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Ghost stories are quite popular. Those with romance intertwined even more so. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

Thanks, Charlie.

Not a believer in ghosts myself, but they sure add a bit of drama to a tale...

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

I'm an agnostic, Steve, so I neither believe nor disbelieve in meter.

You tell a rousing story in a very demanding form/forms. All those internal rhymes work well.

This sort of poem always brings The Highwayman to mind. Probably because I'm not well enough versed to think of anything else.

I'm glad I decided to skip this contest. Leave it to the real poets.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

Meter only really matters when it either helps or hinders the flow of the poem. I borrowed this structure from Service's 'The Cremation of Sam Magee' - now there's a great story, but it's a humorous one so the plinkety-plonk of the meter and the internal rhyme don't matter - I had to be a little bit careful here that it didn't end up all sing-songy.

Gotta love 'The Highwayman' - it does stand out in the field of tragic romantic ballads...

Steve

reply by humpwhistle on 05-Feb-2015

The moon was a ghostly galleon, tossed upon cloudy seas...

reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

You must have been to a good school!

Do you know 'Sam magee' - it's worth a peek for the story-line and for lines like these:

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the "Alice May."
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then "Here," said I, with a sudden cry, "is my cre-ma-tor-eum."
>>>>
I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked"; ... then the door I opened wide.....

Steve

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

Well told story of love and revenge. He killed the count but he became a different man while supposedly avenging his wife.

The internal rhyme aids with meter and the story telling and add to images and action.

It is ironic that his son becomes the new duke. Hopefully he will be a kinder gentler duke. Live like his parents before the kidnapping.

Good luck and keep writing.

dragonpoet

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

Thank you for the generous review.

Steve

reply by dragonpoet on 05-Feb-2015

Any time, Steve.

Joan

Comment from Walu Feral

Excellent

G'day Steve. As you know I have no idea of the technical aspect or forms of poetry and I don't care either. This was just great and I don't have a six left. It reads a bit like a Poe write i think. Cheers fez

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

Thanks, Fez.

I suspect old Edgar Allan might have made this even darker!

Steve

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Fantastic job Steve I wish I had a six as well
For valiant tale of Vanterelle
I haven't seen you lately so I was pleased to review this
Hope all is well down under
God bless

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

Thanks, jenny.

Haven't been posting much - sometimes real life gets in the way!

Steve

reply by kiwijenny on 05-Feb-2015

I know what's with that lol
Well I hope it's been fun real life

Comment from alf collier

Excellent

hi kiwisteveh. What a wonderful tale, sad, perhaps but so very succinctly told without falter or pause. I love this type of poetry and absolutely enjoyed reading this. Haven't got a six, but it is extremely worthy of one, alf

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

Alf, thanks so much for the kind words and the virtual six!

Steve

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

a dark tale of evil and revenge - talk about being somber LOL
solid use of abcb rhyming with terrific internal rhymes
great combo of anapestic and iambic meter
good enjambment - so the story moves along at a good clip from line to line
strong high-impact verbs add to the drama
emotionally charged and wonderfully exciting - terrific story poem for which I have no sixes left, sorry about that :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

Brooke, thanks for the detailed review and the virtual six.

I wrote the first two stanzas and then had to think, that's dark, what sort of tale will suit?'

Steve

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Beautifully written Steve, I don't know where you derived the poem from but its a beauty, it has a beautiful consistent flow to it, I don't think it's boring to have a consistent meter, if it's read with emphasis it would sound great! Well done, it's not often I'm entertained by a poem, but with this I was! Nice abcb rhyming, and excellent even meter, elegant language, with that old feel wording, well,done, superb! Blessings, Roy.

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 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

Roy, thanks for the generous review.

I'd have to say that the tale of evil came from the darker crevices of my mind!

Steve

reply by royowen on 05-Feb-2015

Surely not, well done

Comment from emrpoems

Excellent

Fantastic rhythm and rhyme in this piece of poetic writing
Love every word of it with your internal rhymes and sensible use of alliteration
A strong entry in the contest

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015

Thanks for the great review.

Steve