Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 198 "Moving Steps"Small and Specialty Poems
8 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Thanks for reminding me why I don't shop at malls! The Paradelle, another form new to me, was a good choice because it mimics the action and builds to a climax. I liked your "butterfly" simile and rhymes too. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
Thanks for reminding me why I don't shop at malls! The Paradelle, another form new to me, was a good choice because it mimics the action and builds to a climax. I liked your "butterfly" simile and rhymes too. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thank you Joan. Being the intrepid traveler i thought you'd love a mall.
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Too claustrophobic! LOL- Joan
Comment from ravenblack
I'm sorry Treischel, but I despise malls so much that your song or Pradelle made me cringe. It is well-written, but shopping all day up and down like a butterfly? Ack! Where is my cocoon? Again, I did enjoy the poem. Just , well, you know.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
I'm sorry Treischel, but I despise malls so much that your song or Pradelle made me cringe. It is well-written, but shopping all day up and down like a butterfly? Ack! Where is my cocoon? Again, I did enjoy the poem. Just , well, you know.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thanks ravenblack. Yes, i know.
Comment from rod007
I liked this as the image of the exhaustion of locomotion overwhelmed me with the repetition and that's what I felt when I use to go shopping with my ex-wife and kids in the mall. Thankfully I don't do that anymore and I don't think my tired old legs could keep up with the pace, Gov. Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
I liked this as the image of the exhaustion of locomotion overwhelmed me with the repetition and that's what I felt when I use to go shopping with my ex-wife and kids in the mall. Thankfully I don't do that anymore and I don't think my tired old legs could keep up with the pace, Gov. Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thank you rod, me neither.
Comment from mrsmajor
Hi,
I enjoyed this poem, I remember a few years back, Alvin had a contest using this form...I wrote a piece for it, but was disappointed with the way it came out, so didn't enter...Alvin reviewed it and scolded me for not entering the contest...Its not a very well used form, and yes at first I didn't like it, but it does take a bit of thinking...this is very well written, and your thoughts were something we could identify with....Yep, I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing...Six stars for the form, because you allowed us to follow you through the stores, using the escalators..
Hugs,
Victoria
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
Hi,
I enjoyed this poem, I remember a few years back, Alvin had a contest using this form...I wrote a piece for it, but was disappointed with the way it came out, so didn't enter...Alvin reviewed it and scolded me for not entering the contest...Its not a very well used form, and yes at first I didn't like it, but it does take a bit of thinking...this is very well written, and your thoughts were something we could identify with....Yep, I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing...Six stars for the form, because you allowed us to follow you through the stores, using the escalators..
Hugs,
Victoria
Comment Written 27-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
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Thank you very much Victoria. I am amazed at the six star rating. I didn't thing anyone would like it.
You're very welcome, I know how hard it is to write one of those...I did it once, and I have to say Alvin, thought it was good...I had to give you the 6 stars, because of the form and the way you handled it...the storyline was also something that all of us could identify with...yep, it was a 6 star poem...if only for me...
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Thanks for introducing your readers to the Paradelle. You're right--I had to read it a couple of times. Seems a bit sing-songy, but it's light and rhythmic. You did a good job with the format. I somehow don't think you could really shop all day, Tom! :D
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
Thanks for introducing your readers to the Paradelle. You're right--I had to read it a couple of times. Seems a bit sing-songy, but it's light and rhythmic. You did a good job with the format. I somehow don't think you could really shop all day, Tom! :D
Comment Written 27-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
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Thank you. Actually i like to shop.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
I agree. This style , at first, seems too repetitive and boring.
I can see the complexity of the structure in planning and executing the style.
However, the benefit of this pays off in stanza six when it all comes together and makes sense.
Whilst the subject didn't appeal to me, I feel you have captured that subject well in word and image.
Thank you for presenting varied styles so others may learn new techniques
and styles.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
I agree. This style , at first, seems too repetitive and boring.
I can see the complexity of the structure in planning and executing the style.
However, the benefit of this pays off in stanza six when it all comes together and makes sense.
Whilst the subject didn't appeal to me, I feel you have captured that subject well in word and image.
Thank you for presenting varied styles so others may learn new techniques
and styles.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 27-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
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Thank you Shirley. Wow, i didn't expect a six..
Comment from mshirachot
First time I have seen this poetic format. Cool! That would be challenging. However, you make it look easy. I well remember the first time I went to the Mall of America. I had a trade show across the street from it on Monday. I walked ALL DAY LONG all the way around every floor. I could barely stand up the next day at the trade show. But, what fun!
Thanks for sharing this lovely poem which evoked a wealth of memories from that era of traveling with my gypsy caravan of trade show pals.
Blessings,
Marsha
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
First time I have seen this poetic format. Cool! That would be challenging. However, you make it look easy. I well remember the first time I went to the Mall of America. I had a trade show across the street from it on Monday. I walked ALL DAY LONG all the way around every floor. I could barely stand up the next day at the trade show. But, what fun!
Thanks for sharing this lovely poem which evoked a wealth of memories from that era of traveling with my gypsy caravan of trade show pals.
Blessings,
Marsha
Comment Written 27-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
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Thank you Marsha. Glag you had some nice memories from it.
Comment from emrpoems
you may have fulfilled all the requirements of the form but I was not impressed with the repeated lines..
I totally admire your ability t o write the Dizain
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
you may have fulfilled all the requirements of the form but I was not impressed with the repeated lines..
I totally admire your ability t o write the Dizain
Comment Written 27-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
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Thank you Erica, yup, not my favorite format either.