Comment from comanalbert

Excellent

"uncharted male mind"-to our defence, "the woman is a necessary evil". Just joking, of course, but all in one you are right in most points, save for the fact your statement is quite one-sided.
There are women out there that act likeways for the same reasons. Remember Freud has taught us that the mind has no gender and the body reacts in the same way to identical temptations, no matter the gender.
Hope I didn't offend, yours was a very well written story, heart-felt and true.

 Comment Written 23-Dec-2014

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reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014

As I stated in my Author's Notes, no need to defend your gender, I was not painting with a broad brush, rather drawing from personal experience and general observation. I can only write from a female perspective, I have no insight on the male perspective with regard to such behavior.

No offense taken, it is a subject fraught with personal feelings and everyone has a right to their view on the subject.

Thank you for the read, I appreciate it as well as your comments.

Marisa

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Marisa,

You've pinpointed a problem that I'm sure is far more prominent than imagined. The man wanting his cake and eat it too. Sometimes it works for the gal if she's just out for a good time --- no ties.

You bring up many interesting points.

Nicely presented.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014

Thanks Jax, I'm glad you enjoyed the piece.

Marisa

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

I love the combination of an academic tone( His reaction to her query of his feelings for her, or possibly another, is exponentially proportionate to his actual guilt.) with the
low class earthy (As long as these men keep blowing smoke up their own asses) which helps connect us to the author.
You've nailed this narcissistic lover. The only way to get even is to be one yourself.

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014

Hey Shari,

Yep, I guess I need to get my SOB license before dealing with these duplicitous characters again. Actually, I'm finding complete avoidance works nicely.

Thanks for the read, I greatly appreciate it.

Marisa

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Well, I sort of felt trapped within the first chapter. How could I run and not even read the rest. You described me for the most part. Never totally happy with anyone because of a constant desire for everyone, needing someone new, not necessarily more exciting or better, just different. But if it's any consolation, you women win in the end, because people like me burn the bridges between themselves and anyone who ever meant anything to us. And as we age and become less attractive and wanted, we find our selves alone, and with little desire, as we have found the truth. That we have missed our chances for happiness with the only ones who could have ever made us happy; therefore, we choose solitude. Great job. :-)

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014

Hey Ric,

I feel like the dog that chases cars and finally caught one, don't exactly know what to do with it. :=) Never had this sort of self-evaluation from a man before.

Solitude is not an all together bad deal. One is free to do what one chooses at any given time without having to answer to another person. You can't step on hearts and toes if they aren't there, right?

Thanks for the read and your very interesting comments.

Marisa

reply by Ric Myworld on 20-Nov-2014

I read your reply, and then re-read my review. What the heck was I thinking! The first three sentences were true, but from there on, I wasn't necessarily talking about me, I was referring to a large number of men in general. I guess what I was trying to say was that not all of those men intended to treat anyone disrespectfully, and many don't realize until it's too late, what they lost. :-) Ric.

reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014

Hey buddy, I thought that was a little too good to be true. I've never met a man quite that up front before. :=)

I would not disagree with you about these men not intentionally trying to hurt or disrespect the women they become involved with. It's more that they are just emotionally unavailable. I honestly think they give as much as they have to give. And maybe your right that at some point they do have a couple of regrets for what they lost. Although I find that at most of these guys are not that self-analytical, they just block out what they don't want to look at and move on.

In the end I just try and find a bit of humor in it all. No use in getting all Greek drama about it. It is what it is.

reply by Ric Myworld on 20-Nov-2014

That person I first described is very similar to me and my story. I prefer to believe that the majority don't set out to be mean or bad, but I'm sure some do. I've known some men who were, and probably still are, despicable jerks, but I'm known some terrible women too. I guess you said it best, "It is what it is." Wishing you all the Best! :-)

reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014

Thanks, Ric. Same to you.

Comment from Adri7enne

Exceptional

You describe such an unsolvable problem. These guys are definitely not monogamous. They are likely incapable of truly caring for any woman. Sadly, these rogues are often the most charming, aggressive alpha males. Dynamic, upbeat and exciting when in hot pursuit, they are nonetheless women users, not lovers. As soon as they have us, they lose interest. Not a damn thing to be done to solve that problem, except move on and vow to not fall for another charming psychopath.

You sure paint a clear picture of these "terminally dysfunctional men". There's no changing that type of guy. I agree that we have to change our "selection process." Shame, uh? I have the same bad GPS system. LOL! Lots of drama!

I totally enjoyed the read. Well written, spag free, and fun to read.

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014

You are so right, there is nothing to be done about these hopeless head cases.

I guess it's up to us to replace our faulty GPS system,; easier said than done though.

This was a really enjoyable review and I thank you so much for the six stars.

Marisa

Comment from scd41

Excellent

I liked your essay for its boldness and frankness. You have justifiably put all males who possess mental infidelity on the dock.Nevertheless, you have only viewed the problem from the perspective of women. There may be many females who could also be blamed with mental infidelity. Even strict laws and punishments have not been able to wipe out physical infidelity, not to speak of mental infidelity. It takes two to tango.

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014

With all due respect, what other perspective do you suppose I could come from if not that of a woman? This is a piece based on my experience and observations of male behavior. I would not presume to know what a man's perspective would be when it comes to women.

We, both men and women, have the capacity to justify our behavior when it is less than stellar. So I am not exonerating one gender or the other, I am merely presenting my portrait of male behavior based on my own observations.

Thank you for your comments and thoughts on this piece, I greatly appreciate them.

Marisa

Comment from granny goes viral

Excellent

When my husband of 15 years, came home from a business trip, and told me he had fallen in love with a 17 y.o. he met, "but we didn't sleep together", he expected me to jump with joy?!
I later found out he gave her a diamond ring I had saved up to buy him, and he told me it fell in the toilet. We never made it to 19 years. I left year 18. But that was the beginning of the end.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014

I can certainly see how his deplorable behavior would bring an end to your marriage. Not all men are so lacking in character. I would say that the majority of men are of good character, it is just the few bad eggs that spoil things.

Thank you for your review, I greatly appreciate it.

Marisa

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

Hi Marisa. Okay! Hi... I think it would be better for your argument if you wove the theme of the Author notes, early on, into your essay. This may prevent the male reader who does not happen to be "a certain type of male who tends to enter [your] world far too often for comfort," from feeling ganged up on.

I didn't read this to try to refute your argument. You seem to develop your argument well enough as proceeding from your major premise. I'll leave it for smarter men than I to decide the validity of that premise that "men are not wired to be monogamous."

Structurally, from the standpoint of effectiveness in writing, I have the following concerns:

I go back and reclaim my original thought,[I'm sorry ... is this part two? I haven't seen an original thought being explored (My goodness, that sounds like I'm accusing you of not having an original thought. Ahem! Not at all...) But it read like you had been discussing a prior thought.]

and eventually circle the drain. [Good line!]

go from one disastrous relationship to the next [Is he still doing this in his mind, or are we now looking at actual, physical relationships?]

what brings about the death toll of the relationship. [Could you possibly mean "death knoll" of the relationship"?]

I can tell in reading this, you have tried to be scrupulously careful in your presentation. You did a good job in that.

Thanks for sharing this, Marisa. May your search continue ... and with better luck.

Jay

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014

Hello to you too, Jay,

I believe I was careful to mention in the body of the post, as well as in my notes that I was writing about a certain type of man, i.e. in the closing portion of the piece I stated: "I have written about only one sort of man in this piece, because this is the type I know all too well, which doesn?t say much for my selection process".

What I would say to any man reading this post is, if the shoe doesn't fit don't wear it. I realize this is the reverse of the standard saying, but I think it applies all the same. No man who does not engage in this sort of behavior should feel "ganged up on".

I can see how my wording about reclaiming my original thought could be confusing, however, I did reiterate the thought.

Not sure I see your point on the "going from one disastrous relationship to the next". By virtue of it being a 'relationship' as opposed to a 'fantasy' I would think that would clarify it as a reference to a 'physical' relationship.

I think you might have meant "Death Knell" and yes, "knell" would be a more appropriate word. Although there is a certain emotional "toll" that is extracted from those on the losing side.

Thank you for taking the time and effort to give me an extensive review, I greatly appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.

Marisa

Comment from Kingsland

Excellent

Okay I'm going to play the devil advocate here. These men are playing around with other women. So then what are those other women's excuses. According to you, this one is a one way avenue with all of the fault remaining with men here. But these men need women to be so called cheaters with. Also according to you, women do not have fantasies about other men. Who are you trying to kid with that. If that was so, there would be no such thing as male strippers. This is a well written article that is totally slanted in one direction and really has no credence. So with all of that said. I will award this five star for a great work of fiction... John

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014

Well, you have made some very sweeping and inaccurate statements here.

First, I did not say that these men were "playing around with other women". What I said was: "What these men do not understand is that mental infidelity, and I am talking about serious preoccupation/fixation on one woman, not the random thoughts men have about women in general, is just as destructive as committing the physical act."

I never said or even implied that women don't fantasize about men. The piece is not about women it is about men. As far as it being slant, it is coming from my perspective, which is the only way for me to present it.

It would appear, John, by your closing statement, ("I will award this five star for a great work of fiction"), that you are not playing Devil's advocate" as much as you are recoiling and reacting in a defensive manner to this post.

I would say to you that if this is not part of your behavior pattern, then you have nothing to be defensive about.

Thanks for the read.

Marisa

reply by Kingsland on 16-Nov-2014

I don't have anything to defend myself about. I am not married and I have no girl friend and I don't date. I said what I said and it wasn't defensive. It was what I read into your piece, or took away from it. it was well written and a good piece of fiction as far as I was concerned. As far as being defensive, your reply was that in a nutshell...

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

This is well written with great organization of thought. I agree that many are unfaithful without the physical intimacy and that it damages the main relationship because energy and attentiveness is missing which starves the relationship.

Internet relationships now add to the mix. However, I feel women are just as tempted. Fantasy is a spark for sexual drive as long as it doesn't fixate on one individual. I've know a number of broken marriage from wives falling into the same trap.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014

II don't think anyone can argue that this is exclusive to the male gender. I am simply writing from my perspective. I would leave it to a man to write from his perspective as to this sort of behavior where women are concerned.

You have grasped the core meaning of my post in your first paragraph, i.e. this type of behavior on either party's part is highly destructive.

Thank you for your very astute review.

Marisa

reply by seaglass on 16-Nov-2014

I wrote this once, but accidently sent in to the wrong person who is now wondering "What the Heck?"

Here goes again: I was in a 20 year miserable marriage with a man who refused to bond but always had a great woman friend buddy. Claimed they were platonic and my resentment was over-reacting. Finally they were no longer platonic and I divorced him.

The counselor that put me back together said that there's no room in a marriage for either partner to have a best friend from the other sex. It is infidelity as much as a physical one.

Sadly, my 3 daughters carry on with this behavior and have destroyed good marriages.So I understand and agree with your point but have felt the pain from both sides. I probably should write something but it's painful. Hope you didn't get a lot of angry male feedback.

reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014

I completely understand where you are coming from, having witnessed this behavior from both genders. IIt is destructive behavior for all who engage in it.