THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "DECISION ON THE PLAIN OF DJUR (Pt 2)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
22 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
is he going back to find eele? that would be so doctrex :) i just hope that arval rally is arval and not just another trick.
the scene with the santa was creepy - i always expect him to be dead and then he talks, and smiles, and something in me screams 'die, you freak!'
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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is he going back to find eele? that would be so doctrex :) i just hope that arval rally is arval and not just another trick.
the scene with the santa was creepy - i always expect him to be dead and then he talks, and smiles, and something in me screams 'die, you freak!'
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Ha! I love it. It was just the feeling I wanted left with the reader: "Die you freak!"
Comment from marijmd
There are some characters in this chapter I'm not as familiar with - coming in late in the game.
I think Doctrix is a very sensitive leader - not only caring that his men perform but caring about them each too.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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There are some characters in this chapter I'm not as familiar with - coming in late in the game.
I think Doctrix is a very sensitive leader - not only caring that his men perform but caring about them each too.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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In the beginning, Mary, All the troops were in one massive unit of about 5000 men. Doctrex decided it would be better to split them into 5 battalions, fanning out on their ways to the Plain of Djur. One of the leaders was Eele, and Doctrex was very close to him (in a brotherly way); the other was Arval, the first to arrive on the Plain of Djur. Doctrex is not being logical in his insistence to go back and rescue Eele. He realizes it. And, as you saw in the next chapter, it causes him to vacillate in his decision making.
Comment from Twilightspire
Oh crap! Not Eele! If he's killed...well, I'll still read on and enjoy it immensely, but I will be cross! :D
Man, you really ramped up the tension in this chapter! It sounds like the enemy went far harder on Doctrex's other troops, much harder than he did on Doctrex and his. I wonder why that was?
Excellent work forcing us ahead at break-neck speed.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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Oh crap! Not Eele! If he's killed...well, I'll still read on and enjoy it immensely, but I will be cross! :D
Man, you really ramped up the tension in this chapter! It sounds like the enemy went far harder on Doctrex's other troops, much harder than he did on Doctrex and his. I wonder why that was?
Excellent work forcing us ahead at break-neck speed.
-T.J.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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Almost up to speed. Yeah, shame about Eele. Unless ... do you think he ... We'll just have to wait and see. God, thanks for the other sixer, T.J.
Comment from Fridayauthor
Good chapter with a lot going on.
I had an intense knowing Rhuether was exhausted
I had an intense feeling knowing Rhuether was exhausted ??
Glad to see the Advance men are back on the job...
Didn't they have a mountain pass to get over? If so, maybe just a mention so picky people like me don't wonder.
I continue to have trouble of him addressing hundreds or thousands of troops as if they are in the same room. Perhaps in rewrite you could invent so electronic device where he could do so more logically.
Nice chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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Good chapter with a lot going on.
I had an intense knowing Rhuether was exhausted
I had an intense feeling knowing Rhuether was exhausted ??
Glad to see the Advance men are back on the job...
Didn't they have a mountain pass to get over? If so, maybe just a mention so picky people like me don't wonder.
I continue to have trouble of him addressing hundreds or thousands of troops as if they are in the same room. Perhaps in rewrite you could invent so electronic device where he could do so more logically.
Nice chapter.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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An electronic devise. Perhaps a vibratory devise that The Commander at Camp Jerri-Fibe might mention to him.
Comment from Benjohnsonjr
A lovely intriguing write. Now I feel I need to work backwards and read the preceding chapter. One small suggestion:
"high and our eyes on the prize"
"and KEEP our eyes on the prize"
Just a thought.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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A lovely intriguing write. Now I feel I need to work backwards and read the preceding chapter. One small suggestion:
"high and our eyes on the prize"
"and KEEP our eyes on the prize"
Just a thought.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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Done, my new friend Ben! Oh, please do! You are such an asset! Thank you! Thank you!
Comment from Thewriterwithnoname
"They responded by pushing the bag down the ravine." Brutal but effective prose there, I like it. What I'm noticing about your writing is that you're very careful not to overwrite. You put enough to ensure that the vision we see is yours but you also leave enough room for our imagination to work which is a fine line to walk, yet here you do it effortlessly. "I noticed droplets of sweat had formed at his hair line." Is a nice break in the dialogue to fill the reader in on the non-verbal aspect of the conversation. It's also an efficient way to portray Arval's stress without explicitly stating it.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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"They responded by pushing the bag down the ravine." Brutal but effective prose there, I like it. What I'm noticing about your writing is that you're very careful not to overwrite. You put enough to ensure that the vision we see is yours but you also leave enough room for our imagination to work which is a fine line to walk, yet here you do it effortlessly. "I noticed droplets of sweat had formed at his hair line." Is a nice break in the dialogue to fill the reader in on the non-verbal aspect of the conversation. It's also an efficient way to portray Arval's stress without explicitly stating it.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have a lot of respect for your skills as a writer. When you say such kind words about mine I feel validated.
Comment from Walter L. Jones
History, from the smartest guy to the ?, strange this army, fan closing, ah, the author leaves us open and wondering about his final facing, magic or perhaps just a dream coming full, is death real, so many left uncounted, long day.. Keep the words coming.. Walt
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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History, from the smartest guy to the ?, strange this army, fan closing, ah, the author leaves us open and wondering about his final facing, magic or perhaps just a dream coming full, is death real, so many left uncounted, long day.. Keep the words coming.. Walt
Comment Written 11-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Thanks, Walt. I probably will have to wait until Saturday to post the next trio of chapters. I need to earn some funny money promotion bucks.
Comment from Writingfundimension
This chapter has a decided psychological feel to it for me, Jay. Doctrex is always so aware of the emotional state of those around him. He seems not only a General, but a father figure as well. This is what makes him unique and attractive for me.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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This chapter has a decided psychological feel to it for me, Jay. Doctrex is always so aware of the emotional state of those around him. He seems not only a General, but a father figure as well. This is what makes him unique and attractive for me.
:) Bev
Comment Written 11-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Bless you, Bev. I'm so pleased you are bonding with Doctrex. Personally, I think it's love. LOL, it will take an interesting turn after a few chapters. Please stay tuned.
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Yes, I have quite a thing for men who remind me of Jung! :)
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I wrote an historical, fictional account of Carl Jung from the diary of a young lady (now a great-grandmother) and lover of Carl. It was when he first came to America with Freud to lecture at the university here.
The story is told from the point of view of the great-grandson of the diarist (whose illegitimate great-grandfather was the great man, himself.
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I think Jung was an amazing man who had access to the same 'stream' that physicists like Einstein and Tesla claimed to be able to tap into.
Seems to me you might be channelling Jung in your work considering how much time you spent immersed in his story.
Really cool, Jay!
:) Bev
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay.
I don't know you can keep track of all the characters in you novel (great work) here are my thoughts. If Arval has a little over two-hundred and fifty men left why not join Doctrex's troops. ( I don't know how many men there would be) Better than what Arval has now.
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Hello Jay.
I don't know you can keep track of all the characters in you novel (great work) here are my thoughts. If Arval has a little over two-hundred and fifty men left why not join Doctrex's troops. ( I don't know how many men there would be) Better than what Arval has now.
Gert
Comment Written 11-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Well, they were planning on waiting at the plain of Djur for the rest of the battalions to arrive, and then there would be close to 5000 men to do battle with Rhuether. But slowly their numbers are being decimated.
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Thank you Jay for the info.
Gert
Comment from lindalcreel
I always love it when a post is ended on a question and the reader has no idea what's about to happen next. I guess we'll have to wait and see what it is that Doctrix is planning, and how that will impact his soldiers.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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I always love it when a post is ended on a question and the reader has no idea what's about to happen next. I guess we'll have to wait and see what it is that Doctrix is planning, and how that will impact his soldiers.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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I don't think I'll have enough funny money to promote the next chapter until Saturday, Linda. Thanks, though for joining in for this chapter, and for your kind words.
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You're so welcome:)