To Cherish Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "No Particular Day"Free Verse Poetry
16 total reviews
Comment from robbme
Fantastic write! Reminds me of E.E Cummings the way you arrange your words and letters. Lines like "the answer fountain" jump off the page!
We always have those "what ifs?" In our heads for many things but for any of us who has lost a loved one to suicide those "what ifs?" Are difficult to get past. The depth of feeling expressed through your words is simply amazing!
Keep up the good work!
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Fantastic write! Reminds me of E.E Cummings the way you arrange your words and letters. Lines like "the answer fountain" jump off the page!
We always have those "what ifs?" In our heads for many things but for any of us who has lost a loved one to suicide those "what ifs?" Are difficult to get past. The depth of feeling expressed through your words is simply amazing!
Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
Comment from mfowler
This is an innovative format which explores the introspection of the girl contemplating suicide. Her voice argues, poses challenges to the supposed one who should be talking her out of the final move. But, he's not there. Excellent exploration of the plot theme,supported by downward spiralling shape of despair and cleverly chosen metaphors appropriate to the topic:
eg the answer fountain
SPAG: with southing waters of logical lotion ..soothing
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This is an innovative format which explores the introspection of the girl contemplating suicide. Her voice argues, poses challenges to the supposed one who should be talking her out of the final move. But, he's not there. Excellent exploration of the plot theme,supported by downward spiralling shape of despair and cleverly chosen metaphors appropriate to the topic:
eg the answer fountain
SPAG: with southing waters of logical lotion ..soothing
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
Comment from OLA THOMAS
So deep a thought in this work. I can see a flow of emotion that corroborate you muse in this poem. ''ave your hand
I won't let go
I'll hold it till the pain goes away
I promise it will get better
you just can't see it right now
trust me
I care" Unfortunately he's not just around at this crucial moment.
ola thomas
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So deep a thought in this work. I can see a flow of emotion that corroborate you muse in this poem. ''ave your hand
I won't let go
I'll hold it till the pain goes away
I promise it will get better
you just can't see it right now
trust me
I care" Unfortunately he's not just around at this crucial moment.
ola thomas
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
i LOVE THE ARTWORK AND IMAGINATION IN THIS SWEET POEM. I LIKE THE ROOSTER TAIL IN THAT ONE QUATRAIN. THE WORDS WERE ORIGINAL AND FORTHRIGHT TOO. A NICE DESCRIPTION, YET THE PICTURE LOOKS GRIM. I GOT A HANDFUL OF DOUBLOONS. REAP YOUR SPOILS FOR YOUR MASTERPIECE. DO LOCO, GU GURI
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i LOVE THE ARTWORK AND IMAGINATION IN THIS SWEET POEM. I LIKE THE ROOSTER TAIL IN THAT ONE QUATRAIN. THE WORDS WERE ORIGINAL AND FORTHRIGHT TOO. A NICE DESCRIPTION, YET THE PICTURE LOOKS GRIM. I GOT A HANDFUL OF DOUBLOONS. REAP YOUR SPOILS FOR YOUR MASTERPIECE. DO LOCO, GU GURI
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
Comment from TheSprite
Definitely a confused young lady! I read the prompt and never even thought about suicide. Sometimes you never know when and if a person is going to go to that psychological place. Ick! The messed up lettering added to the confusion -- nice visual touch. So, what were her Final Words?
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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2014
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Definitely a confused young lady! I read the prompt and never even thought about suicide. Sometimes you never know when and if a person is going to go to that psychological place. Ick! The messed up lettering added to the confusion -- nice visual touch. So, what were her Final Words?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2014
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"But, you aren't here today?"
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Ahhh! My bad! Got it!
Comment from Drew Delaney
It would be terrible to try to stop someone whom you thought was about to kill themselves. I can't imagine it. But I know of many. You wrote this very well.
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It would be terrible to try to stop someone whom you thought was about to kill themselves. I can't imagine it. But I know of many. You wrote this very well.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
Comment from Bobby Jo
This is really sad and suicide leaves terrible thoughts. It is scary to think about and to live with the horrible feelings. great job.
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This is really sad and suicide leaves terrible thoughts. It is scary to think about and to live with the horrible feelings. great job.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
This is gripping both in thought and presentation. I can easily imagine several conversations that you have condensed here to their essence. The ending is the truth. There is no need for guilt. Well done. NG
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This is gripping both in thought and presentation. I can easily imagine several conversations that you have condensed here to their essence. The ending is the truth. There is no need for guilt. Well done. NG
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
Comment from bard owl
Suicide is such a tragedy. The victim is not just the person whose life is ended. The victim(s) are also those who love and want the trouble soul to live and get better. Your conversational tone with this contest entry adds to it's powerful impact. Excellent contest entry. Best of luck.
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Suicide is such a tragedy. The victim is not just the person whose life is ended. The victim(s) are also those who love and want the trouble soul to live and get better. Your conversational tone with this contest entry adds to it's powerful impact. Excellent contest entry. Best of luck.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
Comment from Acquired Taste
This contest has had the most intense poems submitted for contest entry I've read here on FanStory.
Here the pain is palpable, the sadness so real, the fear is angry and the ultimate decision to leave is vivid. An excellent entry for the contest. AT=/
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This contest has had the most intense poems submitted for contest entry I've read here on FanStory.
Here the pain is palpable, the sadness so real, the fear is angry and the ultimate decision to leave is vivid. An excellent entry for the contest. AT=/
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
