A Copper Coin
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Harvest festival and the shawl dance"The beginnings of the Thief Hunter.
3 total reviews
Comment from rwilliam
Interesting story line. I like the setting.
The festival was to celebrate the change in seasons and it also started the social gatherings off for the year...for both poor and well off.--This sentence needs a little work to help with the flow. Maybe try: The festival celebrated the change in seasons and started off the social gatherings for the year..for both the rich and poor.-- Just a thought. :-)
Good job!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2014
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Interesting story line. I like the setting.
The festival was to celebrate the change in seasons and it also started the social gatherings off for the year...for both poor and well off.--This sentence needs a little work to help with the flow. Maybe try: The festival celebrated the change in seasons and started off the social gatherings for the year..for both the rich and poor.-- Just a thought. :-)
Good job!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2014
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I made the changes you suggested and thank you very much for the review :)
Comment from mparker016
A lot of what I read on here feels very rushed. But this certainly doesn't. There is so much vividness in what you have created.
If I was to offer any kind of creative advice, it would be to perhaps include some more observations from your central protagonist about what she might notice some of the other people at the festival might be doing, just to enhance the feeling of there being a crowd present. Then when it comes to her spotting Noah in the crowd, you can really hone in on how everyone else, for that moment at least, doesn't exist, just the two of them.
I'm not even sure that that would enhance it in any way. But there really wasn't much wrong with it at all. I will certainly be heading back to read the rest of the story.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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A lot of what I read on here feels very rushed. But this certainly doesn't. There is so much vividness in what you have created.
If I was to offer any kind of creative advice, it would be to perhaps include some more observations from your central protagonist about what she might notice some of the other people at the festival might be doing, just to enhance the feeling of there being a crowd present. Then when it comes to her spotting Noah in the crowd, you can really hone in on how everyone else, for that moment at least, doesn't exist, just the two of them.
I'm not even sure that that would enhance it in any way. But there really wasn't much wrong with it at all. I will certainly be heading back to read the rest of the story.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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I will edit it to include your creative advice :) thank you very much for the 5 stars too. I'd be honoured if you would continue to check back for new chapters.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
A nicely done chapter with fine details that made to stick to the page till the end. Good scenarios, smooth run of the plot without rigmarole with words. Minimal dialogue lines too.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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A nicely done chapter with fine details that made to stick to the page till the end. Good scenarios, smooth run of the plot without rigmarole with words. Minimal dialogue lines too.
ola thomas
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much, I thought the story needed a little bit of a more positive spin on things for this chapter. (I also really wanted to put something in about knitting or weaving cloth in this chapter...I couldn't resist! :) )