The Cook and the Time Traveller
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Taste and Distaste"Love blossoms under impossible circumstances
15 total reviews
Comment from babylonia
Mike,
I have to say, I don't recall this one. Looks good so far. I really love the last line. Has me captivated to be sure. Easy to read and follow. Spaggies ...
if he found a(drop a) canine hairs in his dinner, that was chef's fault rather than the dogs'.
his young hands calloused and burned(I think this should be burnt but not sure. Whatever you decide will probably be good.)
I can't wait to read more.
Love,
Barbara
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Mike,
I have to say, I don't recall this one. Looks good so far. I really love the last line. Has me captivated to be sure. Easy to read and follow. Spaggies ...
if he found a(drop a) canine hairs in his dinner, that was chef's fault rather than the dogs'.
his young hands calloused and burned(I think this should be burnt but not sure. Whatever you decide will probably be good.)
I can't wait to read more.
Love,
Barbara
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Barbara :-). Annoyingly, I created that spaggie when I fixed a different one! I'm thrilled you enjoyed it my friend.
Mike
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Mike,
LOL That sounds like something I would do. Then I look after someone has pointed it out and think that darn sentence will drive me nuts. LOL Definitely a good read and I can't wait to read more.
Love,
Barbara
Comment from Bryana
This caught my interest from the beginning.
I felt sorry for the cooks, Lizzy and the
young man. Now I wonder what was that guy
Marcus, I did not understand what he brought.
Very well written story my friend. I will
be waiting for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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This caught my interest from the beginning.
I felt sorry for the cooks, Lizzy and the
young man. Now I wonder what was that guy
Marcus, I did not understand what he brought.
Very well written story my friend. I will
be waiting for the next chapter.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Thank you, Bryana :-). Part 2 is out, and part 3 will be very soon. I'm enjoying revisiting this.
Mike
Comment from The Death
Hi, Mike.
Interesting plot and amusing concept! The first few paragraphs provide the necessary movements and pace required to set up a good introductory scene and thus grab readers' attention.
The settings you build are visual because of the fine details you've provided. They are well-voiced, too. Nice use of dialogues along with effective use of action tags to add to settings and deepen the characterization.
You've sketched the four characters very nicely. Raff's innocence, Liz's determination, Winsome's arrogance, Marcus' evil intentions, all come across easily.
A few issues I'd like to highlight:
# She didn't watch him, too concerned with turning carrots against her paring knife, but she knew it wasn't necessary. Raff was a good worker -- he just needed to be kept on his toes.
IMHO, dashes will work better after 'him' rather than commas as it's a side thought. If you don't want to overuse it, you can slightly change the next line so that you won't need s dash there, like this:
She didn't watch him--too concerned with turning carrots against her paring knife--but she knew it wasn't necessary. Raff was a good worker who just needed to be kept on his toes.
# Of course, if he found a wiry hair in his dinner, that was chef's fault, not the dogs'.
You have used 'wiry' while describing Winsome as well, so you might want to avoid redundancy. You can simply have 'strand of ' or anything like that.
# The sound of a throat being cleared echoed across the room, and she turned to see the manservant in the doorway, his customary smirk in place
Put a period at the end.
# Sod knows what you do with it."
You really mean 'Sod', or 'God'?
# His hair was insane-- waving around his head like a highborn lady's.
Put a space after 'insane'.
I like the touch of humor you have included while describing the lord and his expressions. It looks like a princess trapped between two villains waiting for her prince... LOL!
The closing is very apt and you keep the readers on a hold here. It will be exciting to know about this guy. :)
Regards,
Anupam
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Hi, Mike.
Interesting plot and amusing concept! The first few paragraphs provide the necessary movements and pace required to set up a good introductory scene and thus grab readers' attention.
The settings you build are visual because of the fine details you've provided. They are well-voiced, too. Nice use of dialogues along with effective use of action tags to add to settings and deepen the characterization.
You've sketched the four characters very nicely. Raff's innocence, Liz's determination, Winsome's arrogance, Marcus' evil intentions, all come across easily.
A few issues I'd like to highlight:
# She didn't watch him, too concerned with turning carrots against her paring knife, but she knew it wasn't necessary. Raff was a good worker -- he just needed to be kept on his toes.
IMHO, dashes will work better after 'him' rather than commas as it's a side thought. If you don't want to overuse it, you can slightly change the next line so that you won't need s dash there, like this:
She didn't watch him--too concerned with turning carrots against her paring knife--but she knew it wasn't necessary. Raff was a good worker who just needed to be kept on his toes.
# Of course, if he found a wiry hair in his dinner, that was chef's fault, not the dogs'.
You have used 'wiry' while describing Winsome as well, so you might want to avoid redundancy. You can simply have 'strand of ' or anything like that.
# The sound of a throat being cleared echoed across the room, and she turned to see the manservant in the doorway, his customary smirk in place
Put a period at the end.
# Sod knows what you do with it."
You really mean 'Sod', or 'God'?
# His hair was insane-- waving around his head like a highborn lady's.
Put a space after 'insane'.
I like the touch of humor you have included while describing the lord and his expressions. It looks like a princess trapped between two villains waiting for her prince... LOL!
The closing is very apt and you keep the readers on a hold here. It will be exciting to know about this guy. :)
Regards,
Anupam
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much for all the catches, and I'm really glad you liked it. 'Sod knows' is common London dialect, so that's there to help bed-in the newcomer's character. Thanks again for the help :-)
Mike
Comment from Jay Squires
Fascinating and entertaining story, Mike.
shaped meticulously to uniform height and shape. [You might want to choose a synonym for one of the "shapes"]
a face like a bird of prey crossed with a rotten grape. [What an unexpected and delightful turn of phrase.]
I'll be waiting for the continuation.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Fascinating and entertaining story, Mike.
shaped meticulously to uniform height and shape. [You might want to choose a synonym for one of the "shapes"]
a face like a bird of prey crossed with a rotten grape. [What an unexpected and delightful turn of phrase.]
I'll be waiting for the continuation.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Thanks for the repetition catch, Jay. I'll definitely rework that line. So glad you enjoyed it :-).
Mike
Comment from lindalcreel
Can't wait to see more of this. I wonder what kind of magic awaits us. The Lord definitely is a brute - even his wife and daughters don't dare make a sound when he's off on one of his tirades. Great post.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Can't wait to see more of this. I wonder what kind of magic awaits us. The Lord definitely is a brute - even his wife and daughters don't dare make a sound when he's off on one of his tirades. Great post.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Linda :-). I've been waiting for the right moment to put this on FS - it just needed a little tweaking to make me happy with it.
Mike
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Love it!!!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I was really getting bored reviewing today. I have reviewed all afternoon. I am so glad I caught your post. It brightened my reviewing. Great job.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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I was really getting bored reviewing today. I have reviewed all afternoon. I am so glad I caught your post. It brightened my reviewing. Great job.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Barbara :-). Romance is obviously not my usual genre but I'm determined to do a reasonable job. Plus, I get to be all nerdy with the time travel stuff so that's more in my comfort zone!
Mike
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, Mike. Lord Winsome certainly sounds like a pleasant sort o fellow, ahem. It would seem that Lizzy thought very little of the man, or his demeaning mannerisms. And why should she? he spoke to her as one would a mongrel hunting hound.
Lizzy was simply surrounded by caring, giving men. Take Marcus, the manservant. He wanted to help Lizzy out in the worst possible way. Of course, the type of "help" he was offering had little to do with helping her improve her cuisine or recipes in the kitchen. But, in a way, it did involve heat, and a little cooking. It just wasn't the type of "cooking" Lizzy had in mind nor needed. Naturally, she spurned his advances.
At least young Raff was introduced to a new word. That's always been a plus in my book. We can never know enough words, that's for certain. Fortunatel Lizzy, being the kind natured, well meaning soul she was, had spared him the true definition of the word. Too bad. Now Raff may go around calling everyone unfamiliar with certain word meanings or phrases a whore. That could get ugly, depending upon whom he chooses to use the word on.
Well done, Mike. I'd missed the Page & Spine series last year. I appreciate you reediting it and posting it once again.
Good work.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Well, Mike. Lord Winsome certainly sounds like a pleasant sort o fellow, ahem. It would seem that Lizzy thought very little of the man, or his demeaning mannerisms. And why should she? he spoke to her as one would a mongrel hunting hound.
Lizzy was simply surrounded by caring, giving men. Take Marcus, the manservant. He wanted to help Lizzy out in the worst possible way. Of course, the type of "help" he was offering had little to do with helping her improve her cuisine or recipes in the kitchen. But, in a way, it did involve heat, and a little cooking. It just wasn't the type of "cooking" Lizzy had in mind nor needed. Naturally, she spurned his advances.
At least young Raff was introduced to a new word. That's always been a plus in my book. We can never know enough words, that's for certain. Fortunatel Lizzy, being the kind natured, well meaning soul she was, had spared him the true definition of the word. Too bad. Now Raff may go around calling everyone unfamiliar with certain word meanings or phrases a whore. That could get ugly, depending upon whom he chooses to use the word on.
Well done, Mike. I'd missed the Page & Spine series last year. I appreciate you reediting it and posting it once again.
Good work.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Dean - what a thoughtful and detailed review. It's always good to know the characters come across to readers the way I hoped. When I published this with Page and Spine it was in two parts, each about 3,500 words, but I thought that might be a bit much so this will be seven or eight posts for Fanstory consumption.
Mike
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You're very welcome, Mike. I'll do my very best to keep following along.
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I'm also working on my Dr Terry Fying story at the moment ;-).
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:} In the immortal, but always philosophical, words of Larry the Cable Guy... "Get 'er done!", LOL.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Mike, this is a totally captivating write. Penned so well -- not a wasted word. I cannot wait to read the second part!!
Wish I had a proper six for you.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Mike, this is a totally captivating write. Penned so well -- not a wasted word. I cannot wait to read the second part!!
Wish I had a proper six for you.
:) Bev
Comment Written 02-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Bev :-). It feels good to be giving this the right treatment finally. Part two will be coming very soon.
Mike
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You're very welcome, Mike. Look forward to it. :)
Comment from Sasha
This is the first time I've read this, and I loved every word. You are an amazing writing that consistently creates a work of at with each post. I enjoyed this immensely and your descriptions once again defy appropriate praise. I anxiously look forward to the next post.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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This is the first time I've read this, and I loved every word. You are an amazing writing that consistently creates a work of at with each post. I enjoyed this immensely and your descriptions once again defy appropriate praise. I anxiously look forward to the next post.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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And you know how to put a great big smile on my face :-). I'm really enjoying editing this and fleshing out the ending, which felt way too rushed for me in the original version.
Mike
Comment from ravenblack
A cook and a Time traveler- a bold combination and I'm looking forward to seeing how you pull it off. With lines like his expression as if he swallowed a lemon- flavored cactus, I don't think you will have a problem. An original, thoroughly enjoyable read. You must be a fan of Chef Ramsey.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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A cook and a Time traveler- a bold combination and I'm looking forward to seeing how you pull it off. With lines like his expression as if he swallowed a lemon- flavored cactus, I don't think you will have a problem. An original, thoroughly enjoyable read. You must be a fan of Chef Ramsey.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Thank you, Raven :-). I actually modelled this guy more on Jamie Oliver and his relentless (often irritating) cheeriness. Gordon Ramsay might be more fun with the language though, lol. The description was inspired by a Terry Pratchett one: "a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle" - now THAT is descriptive :-)
Mike
