Comment from Father Flaps

Excellent

Hi Mike,
I enjoyed your dark poem, especially these lines,
"And so the knives rang out that night --
in sorrow, I confide
I found my absolution in
the glass stare of my bride." ... I feel that this man has killed his wife. But he considers himself free from blame or sin in her death. Am I to believe she deserved it?
This is a deep and dark poem, and the bright red print on black background highlights the trauma he feels.
But he's tormented by inner demons,
"The personalities I keep
like sacred friends inside
were weeping for my future's shade"
I just wrote a short essay on "Dracula", and how Bram Stoker kept him in the shadows for much of the novel. Your lines were then familiar to me,
"the bleeding edge of mystery
amalgamating fears
like seven shades of seven sins
into a shape unclear
but heavy with my life ahead --
the fog of deadly peers."
Nicely penned!
Cheers,
Kimbob

 Comment Written 30-May-2022

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022

Wow, thanks Kimbob - for diving into my portfolio for this one :-). Just re-read it after your review and now I see I'm still catching back up to where I was 8 years ago! Really appreciate it, and I'm glad you liked it.

Mike

Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

Love this sentence.....but heavy with my life ahead -- the fog of deadly peers.

Dark and brooding - with the artwork I am reminded of a scene from Ghost (Demi Moore/Patrick Swayze) when the shadows on the street rise up and take the damned soul of the criminal to hell.

The B&W with red lettering is terrific for this offering and your rhyming and the flow were also really good.

Nicely done. AT=/

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014

Thank you, AT :-). I love to write dark poetry. Well, I love to write all poetry, but dark taps into something philosophical for me. It must be the material of my nightmares ;-).

Mike

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A very dark poem, that emits a sense of foreboding, the wording is exquisite, they create a myriad of dark Images. I find my absolution in the shadow of a tear, nice words, what does it mean? I'm sorry, I love the words, but I don't understand, I found this a touch obtuse! Well written but! Blessings, Roy.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014

Thank you, Roy :-). I think of shadows as the things that sit behind us, following in the wakes of our lives. As such, they are ideally placed to see what we've just done and provide perspective. In the case of the tears, they represent the aftermath - that peaceful place in the wake of strong emotion. I hope that makes sense.

I'm really glad you liked the poem.

Mike

reply by royowen on 22-Jun-2014

Thank you for being gracious, Mike, I appreciate it, great metaphor! Blessings, Roy.

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Brilliant enjambment and alternate tetrameter/trimeter, and rhymes, Mike.

The flow is incredibly good, as are you original dramatic metaphors.

They say 'love is in the eyes', and you dramatically express how that seems to have gone from your bride. I hope it wasn't on the honeymoon, already. :-)

Excellent, with a capital 'E'.

Cheers, Ray.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014

Thanks so much, Ray :-). I was feeling in need of poetry on the way home Friday and this was the result.

Mike

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

enjoyable read great flow and beat as I read it


"I found my absolution in
the glass stare of my bride." love this line

thanks for sharing fleedle

dip

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014

Thank you, dip - glad you liked it :-)

Mike

Comment from Eric1

Excellent

I have never read 'Shaking the doll' Mike, but your poetry is inspired in itself! It flows like a good red wine and the rhyming is brilliant.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014

Thank you, Eric - what a lovely thing to say :-).

Mike

Comment from Tegan1311

Excellent

A very well done poem. Love that it's a horror/thriller poem as I don't see too many of them on here. Your words flow well and I especially like the intensity and imagery of the last line. Great job.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014

Thanks so much, Tegan :-). I do like to write things a little out of the ordinary - I'm really glad you enjoyed this one.

Mike

Comment from Riss Ryker518

Exceptional

I love the flow of this chilling poem! I loved the very first line, "I found my absolution in the shadow of a tear." Brilliant! Insanity speaks in the form of personalities, another great line. This poem is so good and I thank you for another great read!

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014

Thanks so much, Riss Ryker :-). This one came to me while I rode the train home, with the mentioned song playing in my ears. It feels good to write a darkish poem!

Mike

Comment from Kenneth Schaal

Excellent

whoops. Bad boy. A short psychological thriller in ballad 8/6 form. A clever synopsis of horror, or character study. The stuff of Poe. Kenny

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014

Hehe, thank you, Kenny. It's a little while since I wrote a dark poem so this was lots of fun!

Mike

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I don't do horror or thriller, really well. I get scared. Yes, I am a wimp the same holds true for spicy food. Oh well, this is a good poem. You did your usual great job.

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014

lol, thank you, Barbara :-). It's a while since I 'went dark' with a poem so this was a bit of a steam vent!

Mike