Climbing Up the Ocean
short free verse on a hopeful journey29 total reviews
Comment from misscookie
Wow this is great
you captured my attention from the first line to the last.
I could vision being in the depths of the sea and slowly raising to the top,
I cant wait to read more.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Wow this is great
you captured my attention from the first line to the last.
I could vision being in the depths of the sea and slowly raising to the top,
I cant wait to read more.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Thank you! I'm so honored that your attention was captured misscookie ;) That was my goal. It means a lot. I'm truly grateful. Thank you.
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You're very welcome.
Until next time.
You're welcome and seasons Greeting to you and yours
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Very nice description of rising from the black depths of a suffocating presence into the light of hope and wakefulness. Nicely played
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Very nice description of rising from the black depths of a suffocating presence into the light of hope and wakefulness. Nicely played
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Thank you. Nicely played, I like that. Truly thank you so much.
Comment from visionary1234
One of your best & most unique pieces Greg! a whole life's journey from darkness to light here! I see rd has already pointed out fell/fallen - LOVE the perspectives:
the bare feet of the ocean
under the tongue of a pure nothing
ebony layers began breaking to solid blues
and love the hope at the end! oh YEAH!!!!
:)s
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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One of your best & most unique pieces Greg! a whole life's journey from darkness to light here! I see rd has already pointed out fell/fallen - LOVE the perspectives:
the bare feet of the ocean
under the tongue of a pure nothing
ebony layers began breaking to solid blues
and love the hope at the end! oh YEAH!!!!
:)s
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Thank you! You're the best. Shoot, I should've sent this to you first ;) I didn't realize that. One of my best? That's so incredibly sweet. Yeah, this is one of hope, my rise up to the top again. I really appreciate you taking the time to read. I haven't written in a while, so its really nice to hear something positive. Thank you S
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:)
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hello to you, Greg. This is an amazing poem ... So full of emotion. You use some fantastic words and phrases and I really love the ending stanza and the hint of hope to come. I know I've told you before, but your free verse poetry always gets to me.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Hello to you, Greg. This is an amazing poem ... So full of emotion. You use some fantastic words and phrases and I really love the ending stanza and the hint of hope to come. I know I've told you before, but your free verse poetry always gets to me.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much Karyn. I'm telling you, you really have no idea how big of a compliment that is to me. Especially coming from you. Congrats by the way. You're an amazing writer. I love hearing from you. Yes, there is hope!
Comment from MERRY1
Very well done.I like a lot of your lines but especially cotton Knuckles rapping at the falling door. The 2nd. line has fell I think it should be felt. thank you.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Very well done.I like a lot of your lines but especially cotton Knuckles rapping at the falling door. The 2nd. line has fell I think it should be felt. thank you.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Yes you are right! I need to change that. I missed it ;)
Thank you so much.
Comment from rama devi
Wow, Gregory, this gave me goose bumps. A powerful poem. Rich in imagery, intensity and originality (as usual from you!). Superb flow and pacing. Superb phonetics in phrasing with lots of fine alliteration,and other poetic devices.
Well timed internal rhyme with distance and existence i first stanza. Sounds musical read aloud. Superb personification in the first two lines:
I have seen the bare feet of the ocean,
fell the distance past the sun's fingers,
One spag nit--since you use HAVE in line one, FELL should FALLEN in line two, to be grammatically correct.
I have seen the bare feet of the ocean,
fallen the distance past the sun's fingers,
Awesome line;
sat under the tongue of a pure nothing...
the depth beyond existence.
Amazing line:
Only emptiness swam beneath such weight,
Superb contrast here--a note of hope in a heartbeat:
not a movement was felt within this icy black.
A heartbeat faintly bumped behind my ears -
cotton knuckles rapping at a falling door. (AWESOME IMAGE!)
Stroke of genius phrasing:
Even whispers would have been welcomed...
if dying were not so loud.
Superb shift in tone...
But upon each dawn my limp body would rise,
like a blade of grass plucked from a garden, (fine simile)
twirling within the currents, I was helplessly hopeful...
grateful for the change into anything.
Powerful emotional overtones.
Lovely bright notes in the closing, and fine alliteration on B
Then ebony layers began breaking to solid blues.
Hours could often laugh at endless tomorrows...
but within those colors, I knew I'd be home soon.
LOVE the line about HOURS.
Six stars for you...(knowing you'll fix that one spag!)
What a talented poet you are, Gregory.
Excellent, tasteful presentation as well.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Wow, Gregory, this gave me goose bumps. A powerful poem. Rich in imagery, intensity and originality (as usual from you!). Superb flow and pacing. Superb phonetics in phrasing with lots of fine alliteration,and other poetic devices.
Well timed internal rhyme with distance and existence i first stanza. Sounds musical read aloud. Superb personification in the first two lines:
I have seen the bare feet of the ocean,
fell the distance past the sun's fingers,
One spag nit--since you use HAVE in line one, FELL should FALLEN in line two, to be grammatically correct.
I have seen the bare feet of the ocean,
fallen the distance past the sun's fingers,
Awesome line;
sat under the tongue of a pure nothing...
the depth beyond existence.
Amazing line:
Only emptiness swam beneath such weight,
Superb contrast here--a note of hope in a heartbeat:
not a movement was felt within this icy black.
A heartbeat faintly bumped behind my ears -
cotton knuckles rapping at a falling door. (AWESOME IMAGE!)
Stroke of genius phrasing:
Even whispers would have been welcomed...
if dying were not so loud.
Superb shift in tone...
But upon each dawn my limp body would rise,
like a blade of grass plucked from a garden, (fine simile)
twirling within the currents, I was helplessly hopeful...
grateful for the change into anything.
Powerful emotional overtones.
Lovely bright notes in the closing, and fine alliteration on B
Then ebony layers began breaking to solid blues.
Hours could often laugh at endless tomorrows...
but within those colors, I knew I'd be home soon.
LOVE the line about HOURS.
Six stars for you...(knowing you'll fix that one spag!)
What a talented poet you are, Gregory.
Excellent, tasteful presentation as well.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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I am in awe of you. Your review has really gotten to me. It means so much hearing that from you. I love how you pull lines out. You really get me. You've gotten each part and gotten the lines most important to me. You're right about fallen of course. Sometimes you miss things when you read through it ;)
Thank you from my heart, thank you. I wasn't expecting this one to be good necessarily, I just felt like I needed to write, and I wanted to write one thing about me getting better. I am. You really have no idea how much your review has touched me. It gives me so much hope. It really does. You're great, just great Rama. Thank you so so very much.
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Thanks for your wonderful response, my friend. I LOVE your enthusiasm--and I am honored to support your writing endeavors, as you have genuine talent and a lot of rich intensity of emotions too. Blessings and best smiles, rd
Comment from michaelcahill
Whoa this is so excellent. That first stanza is just killer. Perfection in originality and showing something I wouldn't care to experience but, you have managed to as near as possible instill in me. That is rather amazing. As close to describing the indescribable as one could get. And then you follow in like fashion slowly coming to something a bit more familiar but only a bit thank god. I am so happy to see "to be continued" in your notes. To that I say....HELL YES!!! mikey
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Whoa this is so excellent. That first stanza is just killer. Perfection in originality and showing something I wouldn't care to experience but, you have managed to as near as possible instill in me. That is rather amazing. As close to describing the indescribable as one could get. And then you follow in like fashion slowly coming to something a bit more familiar but only a bit thank god. I am so happy to see "to be continued" in your notes. To that I say....HELL YES!!! mikey
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Haha Mikey, you're awesome. As I've said, I'm so glad to be following each other. I love hearing from you. You're such a talent and you really dive into pieces. I cherish that. You're one of the rare ones here and I LOVE it. I really do look forward to your reviews. Yes, I'm getting better and I can't wait to be in full force with reading. I just read one of your pieces, anything else in particular you'd like me to look at when I'm on? I love reading your words Michael.
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The funny thing is that the pieces I really work on don't get any attention at all. They would rather hear me blather on about my pets. hahaha. I have a poem called Alpha To Zeta it is an A-Z and also goes from 1 sylabble to 25. It was quite a challenge. Other than that I don't know what is good from what isn't unless someone else wrote it. mikey
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I've done an A-Z but never with syllable count! Incredible! Ill get on it and read. Awesome. I love everything I've read so far.
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Excellent creativity & imagination. My imagination soars, I can picture a thousand thoughts. A mermaid, surfer or Astronaut. Looks like you got something special, too. Intangibles, only the successful authors have. Your blueprint, created by specially you. Got a knack for poetry, Ironclad. Bottom-feeder, am-I but I slowly rise to the mixed layer and thermocline, a positive gradient. Would give you a six but fresh out. Good luck with Fanstory, welcome to the flock-Elder. wackydo
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reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Excellent creativity & imagination. My imagination soars, I can picture a thousand thoughts. A mermaid, surfer or Astronaut. Looks like you got something special, too. Intangibles, only the successful authors have. Your blueprint, created by specially you. Got a knack for poetry, Ironclad. Bottom-feeder, am-I but I slowly rise to the mixed layer and thermocline, a positive gradient. Would give you a six but fresh out. Good luck with Fanstory, welcome to the flock-Elder. wackydo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Thank you! Especially for the virtual six. That's awesome. You really took the time to review and your review is quite interesting! Thank you. I'm honored tht you think I have something special. Thank you.
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No problem Cody, I got a good eye, I recognize good talent when I see-her. happy hollidays, cheers! wackydo
Comment from Glasstruth
Wow! I just love your metaphors. The first stanza is a great opener. After that, you had me hooked. The title created a curiosity that led me to read this. Wonderfully written. Les
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reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Wow! I just love your metaphors. The first stanza is a great opener. After that, you had me hooked. The title created a curiosity that led me to read this. Wonderfully written. Les
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Thank you Les! That's so kind of you. I'm glad you caught the metaphors!
