Climbing Up the Ocean
short free verse on a hopeful journey29 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
I really, really like the third stanza- definitely gives the feel of the void-like waters dictating your life, you a mere grass blade subject to its whims rising from black to blue. I'm not too sure about "the bare feet of the ocean". Sun's fingers make sense as relating to Sun's rays and there is a logic to "under the tongue of a pure nothing" or silence. To be honest, I would just go with the depths of the ocean.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
  |
I really, really like the third stanza- definitely gives the feel of the void-like waters dictating your life, you a mere grass blade subject to its whims rising from black to blue. I'm not too sure about "the bare feet of the ocean". Sun's fingers make sense as relating to Sun's rays and there is a logic to "under the tongue of a pure nothing" or silence. To be honest, I would just go with the depths of the ocean.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
-
Thank you! I love your insight and take on my work. The bare feet is the raw, most naked, truest form of agony, depression, loneliness. It is the absolute bottom. Nothing is lower than the naked foot to the earth. Does that make sense? That's what I meant by it. I hope you liked the rest? This was, is, a poem about lifting up from that place. That's why I want to continue it. I'm gettin there! Thank you for reading my friend. How are you by the way?
Comment from joann r romei
This was a very philosophical poem. It has depth as well as emotion. The fact that it is to be continued is also intriguing. No errors noted.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
|
This was a very philosophical poem. It has depth as well as emotion. The fact that it is to be continued is also intriguing. No errors noted.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
-
Thank you Joann. Yes a lot of emotion for sure. Really, thanks for reading.
-
Had does have several parts, 4 I think. But there are a few contest wins that are shorter.
Comment from RGstar
What a great write. It gives imagery of a diver , lost in time with the solitude of silence in which overwhelms all else.
A great write.
Good word usage where nouns and adjectives perform well.
My best wishes ,
RGstar
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
|
What a great write. It gives imagery of a diver , lost in time with the solitude of silence in which overwhelms all else.
A great write.
Good word usage where nouns and adjectives perform well.
My best wishes ,
RGstar
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
-
Thanks so very much. I like your take. Thank you for the compliments!
Comment from Spitfire
A masterpiece! And aren't you looking realllllllll good. :-)
Love the images of beyond existence to a portal that leads back to a better tomorrow. Favorite lines:
fell the distance past the sun's fingers,
sat under the tongue of a pure nothing...
if dying were not so loud. -- WOW!!
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
 |
A masterpiece! And aren't you looking realllllllll good. :-)
Love the images of beyond existence to a portal that leads back to a better tomorrow. Favorite lines:
fell the distance past the sun's fingers,
sat under the tongue of a pure nothing...
if dying were not so loud. -- WOW!!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
-
Wow, thank you! I'm honored and blown away. Thank you. This really means a lot. You're truly kind. I always love hearing from you and am so grateful when you read my work. You even picked out your favorite lines! Thank you so very much.
-
I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. Your imagery really connected with me. :-)
-
That really does mean so much. I know you and I relate a lot. That's why I love when you read.
Comment from 9999pool
At times, the ebb of life can be so low and just hearing a sweet hello, how are you, can be so soothing.
Deep within is anger and frustration trying to get out of this endless darkness and feelng alone and wondering, when will all this end?
Somehow, the spirit inside is still fighting a long drawn battle with no imminent solution.
Sometimes life made us wait and wait. Then one day it all went away as if the problem had completely gone.
Great write and well penned. :))
Cheeerio, Ritchie.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
|
At times, the ebb of life can be so low and just hearing a sweet hello, how are you, can be so soothing.
Deep within is anger and frustration trying to get out of this endless darkness and feelng alone and wondering, when will all this end?
Somehow, the spirit inside is still fighting a long drawn battle with no imminent solution.
Sometimes life made us wait and wait. Then one day it all went away as if the problem had completely gone.
Great write and well penned. :))
Cheeerio, Ritchie.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
-
You're so right Ritchie. That really sticks with me, those words. As if it had completely gone. Thank you so much for reading. I really, truly appreciate it. Thank you my dear friend. I'm getting better, and your words have helped me so much. They really have.
-
Hi Greg,
My pleasure to review your works. Sometiem the torture is just too much and you might have to GET AWAY from the house (if you can) and find solace in a calm and peaceful place (if mobility is not too restrictive). For your own good and your wife's, short breaks away from the house is what you need right now.
If we can mix joy with sorrow, the despair can be diluted easily. Smiles.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
Your new profile pic looks great and I just hope you will feel great inside as well - at least for your wife's sake. Smiles.
-
You're so right. I try to go on walks with her. It really helps. The sun too. Thank you so much for caring, honestly that means so much.
-
Great idea and it will do you and her some good. Smiles.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
Comment from kiwisteveh
Greg, your free verse piece is a little cryptic, set amidst the weight of nothingness - a metaphor for life perhaps, where we must all wake each morning to face each day 'twirling within the currents'.
As your notes say there is a ray of optimism in setting out on this daily journey.
Some striking images you use, especially in the first 'stanza'
Steve
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
|
Greg, your free verse piece is a little cryptic, set amidst the weight of nothingness - a metaphor for life perhaps, where we must all wake each morning to face each day 'twirling within the currents'.
As your notes say there is a ray of optimism in setting out on this daily journey.
Some striking images you use, especially in the first 'stanza'
Steve
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
-
Thank you Steve. Yes, every metaphor has a meaning. Its optimism ultimately. But twirling in the currents as I rise. Thank you so much. Really.
Comment from Treischel
Your description of the vacant depths of depression create very vivid impressions of that void. The line about the loudness of dying is like a dose of cold water on a sleeping derelict. The turn coming out of it was compelling. The last thought of home, comforting. A well crafted poem.Well done!
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
|
Your description of the vacant depths of depression create very vivid impressions of that void. The line about the loudness of dying is like a dose of cold water on a sleeping derelict. The turn coming out of it was compelling. The last thought of home, comforting. A well crafted poem.Well done!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
-
Wow, thank you! A six. That is truly inspiring. Thank you really. I love your reviews, they are always poetic in themselves. A true poet. I love that you recognized the turn. That was an important part for me. Wow, again, thank you. I can't wait to get back to your work. Let me know if there's anything in particular you'd like me to start with!
-
Sure, you could be review number 15 on my poem, I see an Eagle. I'd love it.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
GregoryCody,
Very well written. Loved that through it all you were "helplessly hopeful" while waiting for the "ebony layers" to break to "solid blues". I hope those layers have now turned to a happy 'yellow'.
Fave line ... "A heartbeat thumped behind my ears -- cotton knuckles rapping at a fallen door" ... great imagery as well as giving the sense of not really being where you want to be, and being engulfed in a hollow emptiness.
A superb write that really expresses to the reader what you felt at the time.
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
|
GregoryCody,
Very well written. Loved that through it all you were "helplessly hopeful" while waiting for the "ebony layers" to break to "solid blues". I hope those layers have now turned to a happy 'yellow'.
Fave line ... "A heartbeat thumped behind my ears -- cotton knuckles rapping at a fallen door" ... great imagery as well as giving the sense of not really being where you want to be, and being engulfed in a hollow emptiness.
A superb write that really expresses to the reader what you felt at the time.
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
-
Thank you Connie. A six! Thank you! I love that you picked out your favorite line! AND you got the ebony layers reference! That was a hidden one ;)
I truly appreciate your reviews. I can't wait to start reading your work again. Anything in particular to start?
Truly thank you Connie, so very much. This was a deep one for me.
-
You're welcome GregoryCody. It's good to get the deep ones out and onto paper so to speak. It calms the soul.
If you'd like to read something uplifting and funny, you could read one that's on the reading pages now .... Santa's Sick Leave. I think it will give you a little chuckle.
Connie :)
Comment from Ben Colder
The ocean deals with many mysteries of the deep. I am not sure the meaning of your poem but I must say your stanzas are right on and are built inviting and rewarding. Shalom my friend.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
|
The ocean deals with many mysteries of the deep. I am not sure the meaning of your poem but I must say your stanzas are right on and are built inviting and rewarding. Shalom my friend.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
-
Thank ou so much for reading. Its about depression and rising out of it. The depths can be lonely and frightening. Then the rise to the sun;)
Thank you so much. Again thank you.
-
Thank you for clearing my understanding. It was well written and yes it well speaks of your saying. Merry Christmas.
Comment from SteveY
Good grief Greg! This is just so freaking and profoundly good! Your incredible poetic descriptions are simply breathtaking and oh so creative. I especially love your descriptions of the colors of blue which is the color of the "Christ Consciousness" within every man. Yes to be swallowed up in those colors will indeed take you home!
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
|
Good grief Greg! This is just so freaking and profoundly good! Your incredible poetic descriptions are simply breathtaking and oh so creative. I especially love your descriptions of the colors of blue which is the color of the "Christ Consciousness" within every man. Yes to be swallowed up in those colors will indeed take you home!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
-
Wow thank you! That's such an inspiring message. Please explain the Christ Consciousness. I love that. Your reviews are great. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. God bless you my friend.
-
Jesus was the man who was called "the Christ" which was a title, representing his supreme enlightenment, much like the word "Buddha" means enlightenment. "The Christ" is an infinite intelligence which God has placed of Himself within each and every person. Jesus "realized" this and so was able to demonstrate what a person who merges with the "Christ" can do. And then He said, "what you see me do, you can do too, and even greater things." He came as an example for struggling humanity to show us all what was possible as we purify ourselves and merge our little drop of consciousness with the oceanic consciousness of God! When one experiences the Christ Consciousness it is blue in color. This is why in Indian scriptures "Krishna" (which by the way is another name for Christ) is always depicted as having blue skin. When we are born before that first breath, coming from the realms of heaven we are blue in color, and when we leave our last breath behind, we are blue again. The Christ intelligence is present in every speck of universal dust. So when one merges into that awareness, he knows himself as everything, and everywhere at once. This is why Jesus could say, "not a sparrow falls to the ground that I am not aware of." He was the sparrow, and every blade of grass. We too are that, but haven't realized it yet, and when we do, we will become One with the Father, even as Jesus was One with the Father. This is what he even prayed for in the last supper with his disciples. "I pray Father that they be One with you even as I am One with you." That is our destination! Holy cow, is that cool or what?
-
THAT IS AMAAAAAZING. I'm going to share this with my wife right now. I just met with my pastor recently too. This really really speaks to me. Its EXACTLY what I've been trying to understand. Almost a bridge between the Eastern and Western schools of thought. Wow. Blown away. You did it. You affected me truly. I love it. I'm reading it again and copying it. Thank you Steve. Wow.
-
Your welcome Greg:)
-
Check out my latest I just posted called "Born for Greatness" as it speaks to this idea.
