<3 " thoughtscapes" by Noni <3
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Grip"A book of poetry, quotes and short stories
5 total reviews
Comment from Nichola
You have expressed the emotions of despair so well in your poem.
Just a couple of thoughts, perhaps you could make this one line: of sadness of the unhappy
wasted years of her life,
Make this another line: she wipes her tears as
they slide to her lips, and then perhaps make the remaining line breaks after the commas.
Nichola
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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You have expressed the emotions of despair so well in your poem.
Just a couple of thoughts, perhaps you could make this one line: of sadness of the unhappy
wasted years of her life,
Make this another line: she wipes her tears as
they slide to her lips, and then perhaps make the remaining line breaks after the commas.
Nichola
Comment Written 22-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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All great tips, I appreciate your input. I'm going to check it out...hope you keep warm in this frigid weather, Take care
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Yes you keep warm too:)
Take care too.
Comment from MoIronE13
Those damn tears of pain and sorrow allows seem to flow the most at night, when the chatter of the day winds down, the darkness settles in like a damp cloak of death. Lonely are the hours that pass by sooooo slowly as the seconds of the clock go; tick tick tick tick tick Tock.
No sleep for the weary, that feeling so dreary, when hope fades into the gloom. The morning is torture, as the knowing moves forward that evening is just a minute away. Like a vise the life is squeezed to the point of bursting. It is then that the grip let's go.
How are you? Fine = really? NO....
But the world doesn't care or what to hear the ugly truth of despair.
Sadness prevails until the inner Light shines from the spark of the awakening.
Cry no more my child...
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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Those damn tears of pain and sorrow allows seem to flow the most at night, when the chatter of the day winds down, the darkness settles in like a damp cloak of death. Lonely are the hours that pass by sooooo slowly as the seconds of the clock go; tick tick tick tick tick Tock.
No sleep for the weary, that feeling so dreary, when hope fades into the gloom. The morning is torture, as the knowing moves forward that evening is just a minute away. Like a vise the life is squeezed to the point of bursting. It is then that the grip let's go.
How are you? Fine = really? NO....
But the world doesn't care or what to hear the ugly truth of despair.
Sadness prevails until the inner Light shines from the spark of the awakening.
Cry no more my child...
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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I really like what you wrote...Exactly!!! And thank you...have a great snowy Sunday!! :)
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Stay warm and snuggly...
Comment from Sankey
Sad poem. Loneliness in the night but "Keeping up appearances" in the day time.
Interesting picture.
for what's she became... wondering if this is supposed to rhyme with something else otherwise suggest 2 options
a)what she's become or b)what she became
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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Sad poem. Loneliness in the night but "Keeping up appearances" in the day time.
Interesting picture.
for what's she became... wondering if this is supposed to rhyme with something else otherwise suggest 2 options
a)what she's become or b)what she became
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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Thank you Sankey for your thoughtful words and feedback. I think I had a typo, I went back and changed it as you kindly suggested, I certainly appreciate you time and input, have a great Sunday!!
Comment from B. Diehl
The simplicity of this poem is what made me fall in love with it. I think I speak for everyone (who loves reading) when I say that the brain needs rest at time. Honestly, writers like Shakespeare and Poe give me a headache after reading too much of them. Great stuff here. Five stars.
-B Diehl<3
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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The simplicity of this poem is what made me fall in love with it. I think I speak for everyone (who loves reading) when I say that the brain needs rest at time. Honestly, writers like Shakespeare and Poe give me a headache after reading too much of them. Great stuff here. Five stars.
-B Diehl<3
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement, I appreciate that very much..
Comment from krys123
I'm so glad you wrote this during the time we replenish stars six stars for the coming week. Good timing. Your poem was written very well easy to read and understand. More like words of a script being read to herself. Thinking aloud in capturing the tears rolling down her saddened face. A wonderful job capturing the imagery of this poem. Thank you so much for sharing this with myself and others. You may the sun always shine on your shoulders.
AK
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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I'm so glad you wrote this during the time we replenish stars six stars for the coming week. Good timing. Your poem was written very well easy to read and understand. More like words of a script being read to herself. Thinking aloud in capturing the tears rolling down her saddened face. A wonderful job capturing the imagery of this poem. Thank you so much for sharing this with myself and others. You may the sun always shine on your shoulders.
AK
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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krys123, you are amazingly too kind, but I am very pleased that you liked this enough to rate it a six...I sincerely appreciate your time and certainly your thoughtful words...
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You are so welcome AnnieGale, this is one of those poems it is always deserved of a six star rating.