Autumn Slumber
Short poem about first frost17 total reviews
Comment from bard owl
You did an excellent job with description in this poem. Pulling frosty covers up for fall slumber is inspired. The imagery you create is gentle and vivid. Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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You did an excellent job with description in this poem. Pulling frosty covers up for fall slumber is inspired. The imagery you create is gentle and vivid. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much for you wonderful review and the nice comments on my poem. Gretchen
Comment from trimple
Your ability to evoke the senses is spot on GW
Wonderful how you managed to create both cosy and chilly.
Not quite a tanka poem if my understanding of it is correct, 5/7/5/7/7 I believe is the standard criteria, however this particular poem would lend its self perfectly to that format.
Excellent write
much love
tracey:)
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2013
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Your ability to evoke the senses is spot on GW
Wonderful how you managed to create both cosy and chilly.
Not quite a tanka poem if my understanding of it is correct, 5/7/5/7/7 I believe is the standard criteria, however this particular poem would lend its self perfectly to that format.
Excellent write
much love
tracey:)
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2013
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Simple Reflection
Great photograph to compliment your poem! I think your words express the late fall season nicely. I especially like the way this is personified. Is the second line suppose to have a capital letter? Just wondering, I can read it more than one way.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2013
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Great photograph to compliment your poem! I think your words express the late fall season nicely. I especially like the way this is personified. Is the second line suppose to have a capital letter? Just wondering, I can read it more than one way.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2013
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Thank for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Sally Carter
I like this very much Gretchen. I have been learning about tanka recently, and this sounds pretty much like one to me, though maybe that middle line is not the pivot required in a tanka. Don't mind me, I'm just thinking aloud.
Whatever it is, I found the imagery very appealing - not least because we had our first frost a couple of days ago and I pondered ways to describe it. (Before getting distracted and completely forgetting to follow it through! Perhaps this will inspire me to have another think.)
Your metaphor of the valley pulling up frosted covers, with the curtain of night drawn is beautiful.
I read this several times over, and still found it pleasing on every read. You say you are out of your comfort zone, but it was very comfortable to read, I promise you.
I might go have a peek now at what other reviewers have said. You are very versatile.
Best wishes
Sally
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2013
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I like this very much Gretchen. I have been learning about tanka recently, and this sounds pretty much like one to me, though maybe that middle line is not the pivot required in a tanka. Don't mind me, I'm just thinking aloud.
Whatever it is, I found the imagery very appealing - not least because we had our first frost a couple of days ago and I pondered ways to describe it. (Before getting distracted and completely forgetting to follow it through! Perhaps this will inspire me to have another think.)
Your metaphor of the valley pulling up frosted covers, with the curtain of night drawn is beautiful.
I read this several times over, and still found it pleasing on every read. You say you are out of your comfort zone, but it was very comfortable to read, I promise you.
I might go have a peek now at what other reviewers have said. You are very versatile.
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2013
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I don't know a tanka from a trout. Thank you for the wonderful review and I am thrilled you liked it. Gretchen
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Haha, maybe a pet trout lives in a tanka water?
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Gretchen,
Your poem is beautifully written and the story it tells is vivid and clear. I enjoyed your symbolism, and the visual effects add to the piece.
Curtis
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2013
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Gretchen,
Your poem is beautifully written and the story it tells is vivid and clear. I enjoyed your symbolism, and the visual effects add to the piece.
Curtis
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from words
What a delightful write.
So full of vivid images.
Love the idea of the "frosted covers" being pulled up.
I do love all of the changes that come with a new season.
Hugs, d
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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What a delightful write.
So full of vivid images.
Love the idea of the "frosted covers" being pulled up.
I do love all of the changes that come with a new season.
Hugs, d
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much. Gretchen
Comment from Gungalo
Night descends
With curtains drawn
lush green valley
pulls frosted covers up
for late autumn slumber
Well you certainly did here girl. This is just beautiful and is a great example of how to do it.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Night descends
With curtains drawn
lush green valley
pulls frosted covers up
for late autumn slumber
Well you certainly did here girl. This is just beautiful and is a great example of how to do it.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much. Gretchen
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Smile.
Comment from Titanx9
It's the imagery that got my attention - it 's first rate. The suggestion that curtains will be drawn, and snow will be the covers for grass until spring reminds me of a bear hibernating for the winter. Great job with the descriptions.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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It's the imagery that got my attention - it 's first rate. The suggestion that curtains will be drawn, and snow will be the covers for grass until spring reminds me of a bear hibernating for the winter. Great job with the descriptions.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi there! This is short but sweet. I'm not a fan of long poems so yours is the perfect length for me. A writer friend once told me the great poets fit such beautiful descriptions and images into such tiny little packages. I have been working on that ever since. I like what you wrote here and I can picture it all. I can't think of anything to suggest. I keep looking at the second line and wishing to change the word, "with". I think this poem is fine the way it is.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Hi there! This is short but sweet. I'm not a fan of long poems so yours is the perfect length for me. A writer friend once told me the great poets fit such beautiful descriptions and images into such tiny little packages. I have been working on that ever since. I like what you wrote here and I can picture it all. I can't think of anything to suggest. I keep looking at the second line and wishing to change the word, "with". I think this poem is fine the way it is.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Misrael
Very short but a good description of how the frost covers the lawn like a white blanket. I think you did a very good job with this. Good read and keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Very short but a good description of how the frost covers the lawn like a white blanket. I think you did a very good job with this. Good read and keep up the good work.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Thank you so very much. Gretchen
