Late
Love, Time, and Death51 total reviews
Comment from mfowler
Gee, you've got a great mix of story telling and emotion here. The narrative flows very nicely but it is the development of the character relationships which reeled me in. The ending was satisfying and original without drawing on the melodramatic. It really sounded like a personal reselling, not fiction. I hope it's fiction.
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Gee, you've got a great mix of story telling and emotion here. The narrative flows very nicely but it is the development of the character relationships which reeled me in. The ending was satisfying and original without drawing on the melodramatic. It really sounded like a personal reselling, not fiction. I hope it's fiction.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
WOW! This is outstanding! I loved every line of it, but the ending blew me away. It's perfect, just the right "surprise ending" for a magnificent story. Can't wait to see who wrote this.
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WOW! This is outstanding! I loved every line of it, but the ending blew me away. It's perfect, just the right "surprise ending" for a magnificent story. Can't wait to see who wrote this.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi,
This is a well-written story of the supernatural. You pulled me in right from the beginning and surprised me with the ending. Well done. Best of luck with the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
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Hi,
This is a well-written story of the supernatural. You pulled me in right from the beginning and surprised me with the ending. Well done. Best of luck with the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
Comment from Ben Colder
Sounds like a Gico Commercial. You don't where it came from? My thoughts was where is it going. Contest? No Ghost? Shoot ! I was hoping it would turn into a story. Best wishes in the contest.
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Sounds like a Gico Commercial. You don't where it came from? My thoughts was where is it going. Contest? No Ghost? Shoot ! I was hoping it would turn into a story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi the author,
Interesting scenario, one can see the end coming, though nt as expected, and the final twist you've added makes it even more poignant.
Nicely done, best of luck in the competition.
Patrick
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Hi the author,
Interesting scenario, one can see the end coming, though nt as expected, and the final twist you've added makes it even more poignant.
Nicely done, best of luck in the competition.
Patrick
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
Comment from pickthorn
Wow, a tragic accident that takes the life of the girl's fiance, but he lives to free the girl from the burning car.
This a great writing prompt story well written. Good luck.
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Wow, a tragic accident that takes the life of the girl's fiance, but he lives to free the girl from the burning car.
This a great writing prompt story well written. Good luck.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
Comment from lindalcreel
I don't know where it came from, but it was perfect. You start out with a subtle clue about the weather being stormy. That was followed by her always being late, but also being a bit of a pessimist. Her husband who was never late, was the opposite. At first I thought he survived the crash until she woke up. He saved her because he was on time. This was beautiful. Good luck in the contest.
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I don't know where it came from, but it was perfect. You start out with a subtle clue about the weather being stormy. That was followed by her always being late, but also being a bit of a pessimist. Her husband who was never late, was the opposite. At first I thought he survived the crash until she woke up. He saved her because he was on time. This was beautiful. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
Comment from c_lucas
There are many records of someone showing super natural abilities in time of danger. This is well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
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There are many records of someone showing super natural abilities in time of danger. This is well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
Comment from sibhus
Good short piece, you have plenty of action that makes for a good read, and it seems very believable as well. I think you've done an excellent job of craft a complete story in the minimal amount of words that ends with a good twist that is entertaining, but fulfills the contest requirements. Good work, and good luck with the contest.
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Good short piece, you have plenty of action that makes for a good read, and it seems very believable as well. I think you've done an excellent job of craft a complete story in the minimal amount of words that ends with a good twist that is entertaining, but fulfills the contest requirements. Good work, and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Definitely an interesting ghost story. Excellent plot, good character development. You could improve this by omitting unnecessary words. For example, in your first sentence:
I had no one else to blame but myself.- omit else
Before we got married, I was always constantly late. - omit either always or constantly
There are other places where you could tighten this up, but you get the idea.
Also, watch comma placement:
A little voice in my head whispered, "Maybe, you can make it. - omit comma after maybe
Like most of the issues in my life I chose to put what I heard off for later.- comma after life
There are other comma misplacements. Again, you get the idea.
A thoroughly edited version of this story has a good chance to win this contest. Please take the time. :) nancy
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Definitely an interesting ghost story. Excellent plot, good character development. You could improve this by omitting unnecessary words. For example, in your first sentence:
I had no one else to blame but myself.- omit else
Before we got married, I was always constantly late. - omit either always or constantly
There are other places where you could tighten this up, but you get the idea.
Also, watch comma placement:
A little voice in my head whispered, "Maybe, you can make it. - omit comma after maybe
Like most of the issues in my life I chose to put what I heard off for later.- comma after life
There are other comma misplacements. Again, you get the idea.
A thoroughly edited version of this story has a good chance to win this contest. Please take the time. :) nancy
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
