Late
Love, Time, and Death51 total reviews
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Lancellot,
The story of Jim and Tammy, as loving husband and wife for one year, runs very smoothly till the end when during the car accident, Tammy is luckily saved, by Jim as she thinks, but the latter gets killed.
This fact comes in light while she was having talks with the paramedics and this incident turns Tammy, a skeptic, into a believer.
Its wording is simple having smooth flow with lively imagery and perfectly meets the required norms.
Marvelous!
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Hello Lancellot,
The story of Jim and Tammy, as loving husband and wife for one year, runs very smoothly till the end when during the car accident, Tammy is luckily saved, by Jim as she thinks, but the latter gets killed.
This fact comes in light while she was having talks with the paramedics and this incident turns Tammy, a skeptic, into a believer.
Its wording is simple having smooth flow with lively imagery and perfectly meets the required norms.
Marvelous!
Comment Written 04-Oct-2013
Comment from JM daSilva
I like your story and it shows people die for the stupidest reasons, getting to a restaurant in time for instance, or work, risking their lives.
Some comments
It was the first time anyone saw a bride run, not walk, to the altar. (I've seen that in many movies. lol)
The only thing that I didn't think was believable was the car exploding. I've seen two cars burn completely and I stood on the sidewalk looking at the show. No explosion. That's a Hollywood myth. And this myth is causing deaths because people try to rush out of the cars and they are injured much worse than if they remained there.
http://www.neatorama.com/2007/03/06/9-laws-of-physics-that-dont-apply-in-hollywood/#!kSH1k
When you're watching an action flick, all it takes is a crash, or maybe a stream of leaky gasoline that acts like a fuse, and suddenly, bang! You see a terrific explosion that's complete and violent. But gasoline doesn't explode unless mixed with about 93% air. Gas-induced car explosions were discovered on film relatively recently (you don't see them in the old black-and-white movies), and now audiences just take them for granted. In general, there's no need to rush out of a crashed car, risking injury, because you fear an imminent explosion - it's probably not gonna happen.
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I like your story and it shows people die for the stupidest reasons, getting to a restaurant in time for instance, or work, risking their lives.
Some comments
It was the first time anyone saw a bride run, not walk, to the altar. (I've seen that in many movies. lol)
The only thing that I didn't think was believable was the car exploding. I've seen two cars burn completely and I stood on the sidewalk looking at the show. No explosion. That's a Hollywood myth. And this myth is causing deaths because people try to rush out of the cars and they are injured much worse than if they remained there.
http://www.neatorama.com/2007/03/06/9-laws-of-physics-that-dont-apply-in-hollywood/#!kSH1k
When you're watching an action flick, all it takes is a crash, or maybe a stream of leaky gasoline that acts like a fuse, and suddenly, bang! You see a terrific explosion that's complete and violent. But gasoline doesn't explode unless mixed with about 93% air. Gas-induced car explosions were discovered on film relatively recently (you don't see them in the old black-and-white movies), and now audiences just take them for granted. In general, there's no need to rush out of a crashed car, risking injury, because you fear an imminent explosion - it's probably not gonna happen.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2013
Comment from Zinnia48
Wow--this is terrific! Your prose is tight and sparse, and just moves along at a nice clip. It carried me right thru to the surprise ending. Great story! Caroline
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Wow--this is terrific! Your prose is tight and sparse, and just moves along at a nice clip. It carried me right thru to the surprise ending. Great story! Caroline
Comment Written 04-Oct-2013
Comment from Auroraboreal800
This is a tragic accident, that takes the life of the girl's fiance... In a way, this looks like the movie GHOST.
The reader feels emotions for the couple and strong empathy.
GREAT job Lancellot! Good luck at the contest.
:)
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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This is a tragic accident, that takes the life of the girl's fiance... In a way, this looks like the movie GHOST.
The reader feels emotions for the couple and strong empathy.
GREAT job Lancellot! Good luck at the contest.
:)
Comment Written 03-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much
Comment from dennis0530
This is an interesting story and one which held my attention.
The message of suffering the consequences of tardiness is put forward.
While the story is believable with broad-minded individuals, skeptics reading something from a skeptic might just take it with a grain of salt.
Lessons learned from this piece should be well taken.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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This is an interesting story and one which held my attention.
The message of suffering the consequences of tardiness is put forward.
While the story is believable with broad-minded individuals, skeptics reading something from a skeptic might just take it with a grain of salt.
Lessons learned from this piece should be well taken.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
SOME SUGGESTIONS ONLY:
"A born skeptic(') I had my...
"If she wasn't late(') I probably....
"A heavy rain pelting...
"... refused to give...
"I should have listened to Jim AND watched the road.
"...the deer, the rain(;) it was too...
A few SPAGs but nothing serious. An interesting story. By the way, depending on the road conditions etc, a car rarely flips 12 times unless it rolls down a cliff or is doing 150 mph.
Regards:
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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SOME SUGGESTIONS ONLY:
"A born skeptic(') I had my...
"If she wasn't late(') I probably....
"A heavy rain pelting...
"... refused to give...
"I should have listened to Jim AND watched the road.
"...the deer, the rain(;) it was too...
A few SPAGs but nothing serious. An interesting story. By the way, depending on the road conditions etc, a car rarely flips 12 times unless it rolls down a cliff or is doing 150 mph.
Regards:
Comment Written 03-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much. I appreciate all the great advice.
Comment from adewpearl
A born skeptic, I had my doubts - add comma
I very much like your story about a skeptic who has a very compelling reason to believe in the ghost of her husband, who rescued her from a fiery crash. Excellent character development throughout and good plot pacing :-) Brooke
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A born skeptic, I had my doubts - add comma
I very much like your story about a skeptic who has a very compelling reason to believe in the ghost of her husband, who rescued her from a fiery crash. Excellent character development throughout and good plot pacing :-) Brooke
Comment Written 03-Oct-2013
Comment from cinderbella
Even though this story features a ghost, it is still very believable. It is written quite well, and certainly holds the attention of the reader. Excellent! :) Sandra
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Even though this story features a ghost, it is still very believable. It is written quite well, and certainly holds the attention of the reader. Excellent! :) Sandra
Comment Written 03-Oct-2013
Comment from kiwijenny
This gave me chills.....so very good as six stars shows...I don't give those out too easily....but chills are chills ....well done
God bless............................................
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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This gave me chills.....so very good as six stars shows...I don't give those out too easily....but chills are chills ....well done
God bless............................................
Comment Written 02-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much. I do hope the chills are a good thing.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, lancellot, you did an excellent job writing this story about the woman who vowed to be on time so she could see her husband's ghost. how did you do in the contest/
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this is very well written, lancellot, you did an excellent job writing this story about the woman who vowed to be on time so she could see her husband's ghost. how did you do in the contest/
Comment Written 02-Oct-2013
