Mike Radshaw and the Black Dawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Keeping an Eye on Hell - BD4"The grim reaper casts his pall over London
23 total reviews
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Your writing is so fun to read because you use so many colloquialisms and various sayings to get your point across rather than just coming out and saying what you mean. You seem to use just enough of them, not too many and at the right time and in the right place. Many of them are clearly home-grown, which makes the writing even more enticing.
I could list them one after the other but then I would be writing another article, there are so many, like "cat-litter facial scrub" who would ever think of that, unless you wrote it.
While you do the colloquialism thing you spice it up with references to things we are all aware of. To me this shows a wide grasp of literature in all its forms. For instance, "busier than Charlie Sheen's dealer." We know what that means but you never told us, and you didn't have to. It's just there.
I know you know these things and I am certain other writers and reviewers recognize this aspect of your writing, I just felt I had to say something because it is one of the things that keeps me coming back to these Un-Godly long posts and reviewing them two and three times, word by word, just trying my best to find something. And the best I can ever come up with is a misplaced comma or something equally as milk-toast.
Para 1, 2nd sentence: You know what (spunked) means, right?
At Mission Accomplished:
Para 2, 4th sentence: (forty eight) should be (forty-eight) hyphen
Para 4, 3rd sentence: (1Direction) should be (One Direction) or the abbreviated (ID)
Para 17, 4th sentence: (alright) should be (all right) Most editors and teachers consider "alright" to be informal or a misspelling, all together.
Para 39, 1st sentence: Add comma after (say)
Para 40, 1st sentence (has) should be (was)
This reads like an old 60s detective movie, full of surprises and glitz. I can almost see Jack Webb and Harry Morgan (Dragnet) jumping around those metal support beams, riding the elevator and pushing on the door.
Good stuff Mr. Flump, good stuff. I'm glad you decided to bring the series out of retirement. More than worth the six-stars.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
  |
Your writing is so fun to read because you use so many colloquialisms and various sayings to get your point across rather than just coming out and saying what you mean. You seem to use just enough of them, not too many and at the right time and in the right place. Many of them are clearly home-grown, which makes the writing even more enticing.
I could list them one after the other but then I would be writing another article, there are so many, like "cat-litter facial scrub" who would ever think of that, unless you wrote it.
While you do the colloquialism thing you spice it up with references to things we are all aware of. To me this shows a wide grasp of literature in all its forms. For instance, "busier than Charlie Sheen's dealer." We know what that means but you never told us, and you didn't have to. It's just there.
I know you know these things and I am certain other writers and reviewers recognize this aspect of your writing, I just felt I had to say something because it is one of the things that keeps me coming back to these Un-Godly long posts and reviewing them two and three times, word by word, just trying my best to find something. And the best I can ever come up with is a misplaced comma or something equally as milk-toast.
Para 1, 2nd sentence: You know what (spunked) means, right?
At Mission Accomplished:
Para 2, 4th sentence: (forty eight) should be (forty-eight) hyphen
Para 4, 3rd sentence: (1Direction) should be (One Direction) or the abbreviated (ID)
Para 17, 4th sentence: (alright) should be (all right) Most editors and teachers consider "alright" to be informal or a misspelling, all together.
Para 39, 1st sentence: Add comma after (say)
Para 40, 1st sentence (has) should be (was)
This reads like an old 60s detective movie, full of surprises and glitz. I can almost see Jack Webb and Harry Morgan (Dragnet) jumping around those metal support beams, riding the elevator and pushing on the door.
Good stuff Mr. Flump, good stuff. I'm glad you decided to bring the series out of retirement. More than worth the six-stars.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
-
Thanks so much, Gary - I feel honoured. I know you, much like me, don't give out sixes easily.
I'm glad the references work for you - I feel as though such things involve the reader more because I'm using their own knowledge and interpretation.
I can trace the tone back to the computer game Max Payne, which was intentionally over-stylized in a noir/graphic novel style. At one point, the protagonist growls 'It was raining ice pitchforks' - that line stuck on my head and I knew I'd write something in a similar tone at some point.
Huge appreciation, my friend.
Mike
Comment from royowen
I love this Radshaw, he's like Larry Kent and Carter Brown rolled into one, (I forgot that I once read those PI books years ago) but this is an excellent story, particularly with the victims of Radshaw appearing to pile up. I'm loving this, takes me way back, well done Mike, blessings Roy
Typo : his gun (has) out, hand?
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
 |
I love this Radshaw, he's like Larry Kent and Carter Brown rolled into one, (I forgot that I once read those PI books years ago) but this is an excellent story, particularly with the victims of Radshaw appearing to pile up. I'm loving this, takes me way back, well done Mike, blessings Roy
Typo : his gun (has) out, hand?
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
-
Thanks for the catch, Roy :-). This was a blast to write and I've been enjoying poring over them when reviving. So glad you're enjoying the ride :-)
Mike
-
Well done
Comment from John Ciarmello
Another enjoyable chapter, Mike. I'm always intrigued by your levity in all the right places. I don't have your humorous muse, but I'm studying the areas you inject to lighten the scenes. It works so well with the right type of story. Best, JohnC.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
|
Another enjoyable chapter, Mike. I'm always intrigued by your levity in all the right places. I don't have your humorous muse, but I'm studying the areas you inject to lighten the scenes. It works so well with the right type of story. Best, JohnC.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
-
Thank you, John :-). I love writing humour - I'm not sure I could write something completely serious any more - my brain wouldn't allow it!
Mike
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Paragraph 2 paints quite a scene by opening his head with a can opener and reattaching his scalp with a staple gun.
Paragraph 3 a good description of London "stank like sulphur."
Various landmarks like the Thames River, and the London Eye, help set the scene.
Many metaphors used throughout the story.
Seems Mike is willing to move Hell's worst offerings to get that baby back.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
|
Paragraph 2 paints quite a scene by opening his head with a can opener and reattaching his scalp with a staple gun.
Paragraph 3 a good description of London "stank like sulphur."
Various landmarks like the Thames River, and the London Eye, help set the scene.
Many metaphors used throughout the story.
Seems Mike is willing to move Hell's worst offerings to get that baby back.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
-
Thanks, Brett :-). He's a colourful character, for sure. Writing his adventures is lots of fun!
Mike
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I could not enjoy the confrontation, differences and distressful event but I have enjoyed the narrative and the order, rhythm and presentation of the story and taletelling with burning desire to the conclusive evidence of facts; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
|
I could not enjoy the confrontation, differences and distressful event but I have enjoyed the narrative and the order, rhythm and presentation of the story and taletelling with burning desire to the conclusive evidence of facts; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
-
Thank you - your words give me confidence.
Mike
Comment from Hitcher
Mr. Radshaw is becoming a very likeable man, fucked up? Oh Yea! But one can't but love his brutal, sarcastic tongue, and his vicious but purposeful, do or die character. He is a bad ass, kick ass kinda hero, he reminds me of Mickey Rourke in Angel Heart. Alas we know what happened to him at the end when his veil was lifted,One of his best ever movies:)
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
|
Mr. Radshaw is becoming a very likeable man, fucked up? Oh Yea! But one can't but love his brutal, sarcastic tongue, and his vicious but purposeful, do or die character. He is a bad ass, kick ass kinda hero, he reminds me of Mickey Rourke in Angel Heart. Alas we know what happened to him at the end when his veil was lifted,One of his best ever movies:)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
-
I did see Angel Heart, but so long ago I can't remember it. I'll have to dig out a copy now! Radshaw's certainly one of my favourite characters - I'm really glad it's not just me! Thrilled with the great response, mate :-).
Mike
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once again you have done a wonderful job. I think you are probably the best person on this site for description. Your characters are very good.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
|
Once again you have done a wonderful job. I think you are probably the best person on this site for description. Your characters are very good.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
-
What an awesome compliment! Thanks so much, Barbara. In the Mike Radshaw stories particularly, I do try to conjure up visceral and apt analogies to aid description. If I can indicate character or mood at the same time, so much the better!
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
Your descriptions always come to life so well because of your amazing narrative style :-)
I just love lines like the rain stank like sulfur and defeat
excellent dialogue throughout that conveys so much of your characters' personalities and attitudes
Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
|
Your descriptions always come to life so well because of your amazing narrative style :-)
I just love lines like the rain stank like sulfur and defeat
excellent dialogue throughout that conveys so much of your characters' personalities and attitudes
Brooke
Comment Written 10-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
-
Thank you, Brooke :-). Mike Radshaw helps because he's a character who usually tells me how he'll react to things. All I have to do is decide what those things are! So glad you enjoyed it.
Mike
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello again Mike
Hell if I have to wait another year I will. This is so over the top. You held me with each line. I love this gripping storyline. Please get on with the story
Bear
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
|
Hello again Mike
Hell if I have to wait another year I will. This is so over the top. You held me with each line. I love this gripping storyline. Please get on with the story
Bear
Comment Written 10-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
-
Thanks again, Bear :-). Fear not, the next chapter is well underway. Hopefully won't be a year in the finishing!
Mike
Comment from Cookie333
Well, I would follow this guy anywhere and I don't usually go for scary like this. I love the kitty litter reference and so many others, your writing tends to transport me someplace else- I love it and that is quite a compliment my friend. Any time writing takes me away from reality, to me it is very special
Thank you
K
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
|
Well, I would follow this guy anywhere and I don't usually go for scary like this. I love the kitty litter reference and so many others, your writing tends to transport me someplace else- I love it and that is quite a compliment my friend. Any time writing takes me away from reality, to me it is very special
Thank you
K
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
-
Thanks so much, K. A compliment it is, and one I'm very happy about. My oldest friend Dave once observed that Mike Radshaw seems a lot like me, except he isn't afraid of anything. I like to think that's true, but the fear makes a huge difference! I'm so glad you liked this chapter - onto the next :-).
Mike
