Mike Radshaw and the Black Dawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Keeping an Eye on Hell - BD4"The grim reaper casts his pall over London
23 total reviews
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
I enjoyed the read and I thank you for sharing your imagination with us.
I have not read the other installments but I am sure they rival this one.
The characters are well developed which allowed me to "fall,"into the story easily.
Your phraseology and use of strong verbs help to drive the plot to its conclusion.
I was engaged from the start and remained until the end.
I appreciate the use of metaphors throughout, and their humorous undertone.
Great write!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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I enjoyed the read and I thank you for sharing your imagination with us.
I have not read the other installments but I am sure they rival this one.
The characters are well developed which allowed me to "fall,"into the story easily.
Your phraseology and use of strong verbs help to drive the plot to its conclusion.
I was engaged from the start and remained until the end.
I appreciate the use of metaphors throughout, and their humorous undertone.
Great write!
Comment Written 16-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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Thanks so much for the great review - sorry for being so slow to respond. Life has been interfering with my Fanstory time recently.
Mike
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Life happens, no need to apologize.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This guy is as tough as they come, even though he doesn't know it, I loved the metaphors that hit unexpectantly, they really have me laughing out loud, much to my hubby's annoyance when he's trying to watch the tele. He does the same to me all the time! Now where is Mike heading, and will he find the baby there? This was another great chapter, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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This guy is as tough as they come, even though he doesn't know it, I loved the metaphors that hit unexpectantly, they really have me laughing out loud, much to my hubby's annoyance when he's trying to watch the tele. He does the same to me all the time! Now where is Mike heading, and will he find the baby there? This was another great chapter, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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Thank you, Sandra :-). Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. Work life got hectic and still is, but I'm starting to find some balance.
Mike
Comment from amahra
You presented another great installment of vengeance and rescue mission.
It is very well-written and greatly descriptive. And it really kept my interest, having missed a couple of chapters.
The guy pressing close in front let out a fart like a nasal jackhammer[,] then pretended not to notice. [LOL!]
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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You presented another great installment of vengeance and rescue mission.
It is very well-written and greatly descriptive. And it really kept my interest, having missed a couple of chapters.
The guy pressing close in front let out a fart like a nasal jackhammer[,] then pretended not to notice. [LOL!]
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you :-). I'm glad you enjoyed it - if I can make someone smile or chuckle, then it's working.
Mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
It seemed odd to me that Mr. Black would make the place so hard to get into and then hire a couple of semi-morons to guard it. Did he want Radshaw to get in? And I'm still wondering why the angels left their baby with some rather incompetent knights. They can't all be that dumb. There has to be something I'm not seeing yet.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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It seemed odd to me that Mr. Black would make the place so hard to get into and then hire a couple of semi-morons to guard it. Did he want Radshaw to get in? And I'm still wondering why the angels left their baby with some rather incompetent knights. They can't all be that dumb. There has to be something I'm not seeing yet.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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In my mind, the guards are appointed by humans to keep Mr Black in (not that they'd be able to), but they've been corrupted over time and now misunderstand their purpose. The baby is a power unto itself... Ah, I can't say too much, lol :-). Tha ks so much for the review Cindy!
Mike
Comment from Thomas Blanks
Keeping an Eye on Hell - Black Dawn 4 is the continuing adventures of Mike Radshaw and his search for vengeance against Mr. Black for hurting his friend Amy and taking an angel's baby. However, Radshaw seems to waste more time than a woman who knits wool penis warmers and tries to sell them at church socials.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Keeping an Eye on Hell - Black Dawn 4 is the continuing adventures of Mike Radshaw and his search for vengeance against Mr. Black for hurting his friend Amy and taking an angel's baby. However, Radshaw seems to waste more time than a woman who knits wool penis warmers and tries to sell them at church socials.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Lol, that would indeed be a waste of time - keep 'em coming, Thomas :-)
Mike
Comment from Ric Myworld
Your outstanding vocabulary and way with words are always impressive. I'm new to much of your UK slang, but having become a fan of recently deceased Mo Hyder, and the writer of Luther, Neil Cross, you share a similar Londonish, gritty, in the reader's face style that I like a lot. Thanks for sharing. Sorry I don't have a six.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Your outstanding vocabulary and way with words are always impressive. I'm new to much of your UK slang, but having become a fan of recently deceased Mo Hyder, and the writer of Luther, Neil Cross, you share a similar Londonish, gritty, in the reader's face style that I like a lot. Thanks for sharing. Sorry I don't have a six.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thanks so much, Ric. This was great fun to write, so I'm enjoying reviving it for newer readers.
Mike
Comment from Jay Squires
Well, I don't know how this slipped past me, but what's done is done! I wouldn't have wanted to miss it, though.
Okay, one thing. Your brilliance with the one-liners is starting to get on my nerves -- and gets taken down where there's a lot of envy, I admit, but also I hope some sound reflection on craft. Part of me doesn't even want to say it because they are so sparkly and intelligent. All I'd say is to choose the best ones and however innovative don't let their timing be predictable. Don't let them rob the reader of the mood you need to affix to his/her mind. You can pull the reader out of your intended mood like a cork out of a hooker's ... see what I mean? This is just a feeling I have, though, so don't attach too much significance to it.
The rain stank like sulphur and defeat [I like the effect of the physical married to the figurative. It creates a tasty tension.]
I laid my head on his shoulder and snuggled up, groaning appreciatively, knowing he had no space to escape. By the time I left the train at Embankment, he was sobbing softly, his gaze far away. [I'm sorry, I don't understand his motivation for putting his head on the other's shoulder; and the other's motivation for sobbing.]
This seems like a critical chapter. I don't want to leave the impression that I didn't enjoy it. I did ... but I also wanted to get that other point out.
Jay
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
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Well, I don't know how this slipped past me, but what's done is done! I wouldn't have wanted to miss it, though.
Okay, one thing. Your brilliance with the one-liners is starting to get on my nerves -- and gets taken down where there's a lot of envy, I admit, but also I hope some sound reflection on craft. Part of me doesn't even want to say it because they are so sparkly and intelligent. All I'd say is to choose the best ones and however innovative don't let their timing be predictable. Don't let them rob the reader of the mood you need to affix to his/her mind. You can pull the reader out of your intended mood like a cork out of a hooker's ... see what I mean? This is just a feeling I have, though, so don't attach too much significance to it.
The rain stank like sulphur and defeat [I like the effect of the physical married to the figurative. It creates a tasty tension.]
I laid my head on his shoulder and snuggled up, groaning appreciatively, knowing he had no space to escape. By the time I left the train at Embankment, he was sobbing softly, his gaze far away. [I'm sorry, I don't understand his motivation for putting his head on the other's shoulder; and the other's motivation for sobbing.]
This seems like a critical chapter. I don't want to leave the impression that I didn't enjoy it. I did ... but I also wanted to get that other point out.
Jay
Comment Written 13-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
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Thanks Jay :-).
I always say the most insightful reviewers pick up things we've already worried about ourselves, even if we didn't necessarily fix them :-). What you say is partly what inspired my Rozlyn character in the fantasy stories I've put on here. She's her own person, for sure, but with a Mike Radshaw streak. That gave me the perspective to make the humorous analogies serve the story more. Also, because it's medieval fantasy, I had to think way more carefully about references and language.
I'm hoping to get going soonish on a new Mike Radshaw adventure. Where this one was always intended to be a novella, I ended up cramming things in. I'm hoping that starting out with a potentially longer project in mind will let me relax and spread things out a little more.
I appreciate the attention!
Mike
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It's what I enjoy so much about reviewing your pieces. As long as I know I'm moving from my heart, I know you will open and thoroughly mature in how you listen to what I say.
I meant it when I said I had to watch myself because envy is always there lurking in the background. There's so much lasered intelligence behind your one-liners, and each one has a tail that whips back at me with the reminder, "You can't do that!" So I try to keep my self-confessed shortcomings in my mind's forefront as I studied your lines. Still ... I feel there is some validity to what I warned about. JS
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Such a wordsmith! the marshmallow pickaxe in particular made me chuckle.
It's undoubtedly just me being overtired and overextended at the moment but I felt a beat of uncertainty as I read the beginning, looking for the continuity with the previous chapter... I felt I'd missed a bit.
Kate xx
Note, this baffles even another Brit: debate to be hand
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2022
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Such a wordsmith! the marshmallow pickaxe in particular made me chuckle.
It's undoubtedly just me being overtired and overextended at the moment but I felt a beat of uncertainty as I read the beginning, looking for the continuity with the previous chapter... I felt I'd missed a bit.
Kate xx
Note, this baffles even another Brit: debate to be hand
Comment Written 13-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2022
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Aha! After all my read-throughs, you've found a typo :-). Should be 'debate to be had' although the editor in me is telling me it could simply be 'debate'
I'll have a think about the opening - it does jump from the end of the previous one, which might work if someone was read straight through but definitely not if they'd taken a pause.
I'm glad you're still enjoying Radshaw's adventure :-)
Mike
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We know what we write, we see what we know. Thus, it is easier to see typos in someone elses work than in your own. That's why translators always work in pairs, each does his own work, and checks that of the other. Kate xx
Comment from Michaela Moore
I am still reeling in the ecstasy from your first paragraph. It was such a mind trip of lovely words and imagery. I mean a trip. The buzz continued so I had to stop midway through the story and start again because I hadn't finished reveling in the first paragraph. Wow! No one...and I mean no one can master diction into the finite imagery like your can! I am in awe. Simply awe.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2022
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I am still reeling in the ecstasy from your first paragraph. It was such a mind trip of lovely words and imagery. I mean a trip. The buzz continued so I had to stop midway through the story and start again because I hadn't finished reveling in the first paragraph. Wow! No one...and I mean no one can master diction into the finite imagery like your can! I am in awe. Simply awe.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2022
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Well, there's a compliment I'll revel in - you've set me up for the day :-). I know you said this isn't your usual type of story, so I appreciate your reading it. Thanks for the fantastic review!
Mike
Comment from lyenochka
Okay. Note to self: don't read Mike's post while eating lunch...
I was trying hard to imagine what that daring feat he was doing getting into the mysterious hideout under? the Eye and fearing for Radshaw's plummet into the poisonous waters below. But without ever being there, it was hard to figure out what was going on. Definitely a scene for film. Then the dialogue/banter with the guards lifted the suspenseful scary part. Hope he does settle the score!
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2022
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Okay. Note to self: don't read Mike's post while eating lunch...
I was trying hard to imagine what that daring feat he was doing getting into the mysterious hideout under? the Eye and fearing for Radshaw's plummet into the poisonous waters below. But without ever being there, it was hard to figure out what was going on. Definitely a scene for film. Then the dialogue/banter with the guards lifted the suspenseful scary part. Hope he does settle the score!
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2022
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Thank you :-). Indeed, that sequence was a challenge to describe, even while I was visualising it - probably why I fell back on insulting the river Thames! After a couple of thousand words inside Mike's head, the fast dialogue was necessary, I think :-). Thanks for the awesome review!
Mike
