Choose War or Peace
Pl read Author Notes. A Non-Fiction in 141 words. Words invi89 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Boiling this all down to only a few words, one could say that the proper use and understanding of language can help one go a long way in society.
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Boiling this all down to only a few words, one could say that the proper use and understanding of language can help one go a long way in society.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
Comment from flippant
The subject of this piece is certainly admirable, but I think a lot of its heart & soul is still buried under repetition. Tighten it up a bit and it will be strong!
Be careful with some of the verbs... when listing verbs like "ensure, upkeep, promote, restore," which essentially have the same meaning in this context, is distracting. Pick a really strong, precise word rather than using a list. The same is true for "wars, battles, confrontations, disputes, discords or tussles," and in other places. Lists are better for really distinct ideas.
A bit of SPAG:
"Use words either to kiss war or peace." - "either" needs to be placed between "kiss" and "war" = "Use words to kiss either war or peace."
"and be mad to live isolated" - I think you mean "made" instead of "mad."
"just practice using words practicably or wisely" - I think you mean "practically" instead of "practicably."
This is a fine start, just needs some editing.
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The subject of this piece is certainly admirable, but I think a lot of its heart & soul is still buried under repetition. Tighten it up a bit and it will be strong!
Be careful with some of the verbs... when listing verbs like "ensure, upkeep, promote, restore," which essentially have the same meaning in this context, is distracting. Pick a really strong, precise word rather than using a list. The same is true for "wars, battles, confrontations, disputes, discords or tussles," and in other places. Lists are better for really distinct ideas.
A bit of SPAG:
"Use words either to kiss war or peace." - "either" needs to be placed between "kiss" and "war" = "Use words to kiss either war or peace."
"and be mad to live isolated" - I think you mean "made" instead of "mad."
"just practice using words practicably or wisely" - I think you mean "practically" instead of "practicably."
This is a fine start, just needs some editing.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
Comment from donaldww
I choose peace over war. Using words wisely is a good idea. But using words orrectly is necessary for wisdom to shine.
Cheers,
DW
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I choose peace over war. Using words wisely is a good idea. But using words orrectly is necessary for wisdom to shine.
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
Comment from Kidlike101
Another interesting post.
I'd say my words aim for peace but somehow end up igniting a war. I don't think words are what matters as much as it is the message behind them. A dog isn't considered a good dog because he has a good bark.
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Another interesting post.
I'd say my words aim for peace but somehow end up igniting a war. I don't think words are what matters as much as it is the message behind them. A dog isn't considered a good dog because he has a good bark.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
Comment from cvcopac
This reads like an extension of the 10 commandments. You have written a perfect, and concise, list for us, and most of it is clich©d. However its mainly true as I'd be the first to witness. Kenny
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This reads like an extension of the 10 commandments. You have written a perfect, and concise, list for us, and most of it is clich©d. However its mainly true as I'd be the first to witness. Kenny
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
Comment from Titanx9
This is an exceptionally written poem. It reminds me of Proverbs 18:21 that says, "Life and death are in the power of the tongue." A person's words create their existence; however, the so-called wise will laugh at such a pronouncement, but it's true. You've done an amazing job with this one.
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This is an exceptionally written poem. It reminds me of Proverbs 18:21 that says, "Life and death are in the power of the tongue." A person's words create their existence; however, the so-called wise will laugh at such a pronouncement, but it's true. You've done an amazing job with this one.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
Comment from JB Lynn
"Courtesy costs nothing but buys everything." - This is my favorite line in your entire piece.
"Ignorance of wise use of words is [of] no excuse." - I would try this sentence without the word "of".
Thanks for sharing.
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"Courtesy costs nothing but buys everything." - This is my favorite line in your entire piece.
"Ignorance of wise use of words is [of] no excuse." - I would try this sentence without the word "of".
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
Comment from Christof McTarnahan
A very good amalgamation of words. I really enjoyed it, and learned some things to boot. The piece is a tad rigid, but that is to be expected.
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A very good amalgamation of words. I really enjoyed it, and learned some things to boot. The piece is a tad rigid, but that is to be expected.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
Comment from determineddreamer
I like the line courtesy costs nothing but buys everything. The whole poem is strong with the message of well chosen words but I love this line because its the little things like a kind word that makes the difference. Just wanted to let you know that I liked this poem alot.
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I like the line courtesy costs nothing but buys everything. The whole poem is strong with the message of well chosen words but I love this line because its the little things like a kind word that makes the difference. Just wanted to let you know that I liked this poem alot.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2013
Comment from harmony13
Excellent non-fiction! This read flowed and connected well.
The author did a great job conveying a great message to all about the use of words. The reader thought the write was creative and thought provoking. Thank you, harmony13
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Excellent non-fiction! This read flowed and connected well.
The author did a great job conveying a great message to all about the use of words. The reader thought the write was creative and thought provoking. Thank you, harmony13
Comment Written 24-Jul-2013
