My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Dream Lover."All of my poems of release.
11 total reviews
Comment from October21
Ah... The things that are just in dreams and we want so badly for them to become our realities:) you expressed the longing for one's dream man so well:) xx shenelxx
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2013
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Ah... The things that are just in dreams and we want so badly for them to become our realities:) you expressed the longing for one's dream man so well:) xx shenelxx
Comment Written 25-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2013
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Thanks hon it's great to hear ftom you xx
Comment from Indie Skreet
yes girl and don't I know that feeling, however, all is not lost - he does exist, our dream lover, but we just have to be patient :) luv ya, Indie xx
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2013
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yes girl and don't I know that feeling, however, all is not lost - he does exist, our dream lover, but we just have to be patient :) luv ya, Indie xx
Comment Written 25-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2013
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I'll never give up the dream Indie. I'm an optimist and a lover straight from my heart. Love ya :) Jaq xx
Comment from J. Dark
Yeah, but what a flippin' brilliant dream, Jaq. I only ever have dreams about shopping in tescos and emptying the dishwasher!
Love the AABB rhyme scheme and the effortless flow to this beautiful poem. Marvellous alliteration in your first line and superb rhyming make this a joy to read.
It was well reem, babe! (sorry, I just thought as I am so effortless fluent with my Scottish, you might want to learn a bit of Essex speak).
Have a great day, Jaq. The sun is shining just outside of London, so I hope it is as nice in your part of the country.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2013
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Yeah, but what a flippin' brilliant dream, Jaq. I only ever have dreams about shopping in tescos and emptying the dishwasher!
Love the AABB rhyme scheme and the effortless flow to this beautiful poem. Marvellous alliteration in your first line and superb rhyming make this a joy to read.
It was well reem, babe! (sorry, I just thought as I am so effortless fluent with my Scottish, you might want to learn a bit of Essex speak).
Have a great day, Jaq. The sun is shining just outside of London, so I hope it is as nice in your part of the country.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
Comment Written 25-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2013
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Aww Julie I'm well jel of your weather lmao. Thanks for a great and fun review och aye the noo :) xxx
Comment from Gungalo
Great rhyming couplets girl and a wonderful write. We can all have our love in a dream it appears. Sigh, now if the dreams all became real. Love this one:
Those smoky eyes were filled with lust,
to make him mine was such a must.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2013
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Great rhyming couplets girl and a wonderful write. We can all have our love in a dream it appears. Sigh, now if the dreams all became real. Love this one:
Those smoky eyes were filled with lust,
to make him mine was such a must.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2013
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Thanks girlie for a beauty of a review. :) Jaq xxx
Comment from closetpoetjester
Ah yes the fantasy lover. Nothing wrong with living out a few pent up fantasies. The imagination is a wonderful thing and NO ONE can ever tell us what to think. Thank GOD the mind is private and there are a few things left we can keep to ourselves. There seems to always be one that got away or remains elusive. I've had it before and definitely used my mind on an occasion or two. Super rhyming couplets in a rhythm all of their own. Well done and I'm sure plenty of women AND men could relate to this.
Cheers P
x
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Ah yes the fantasy lover. Nothing wrong with living out a few pent up fantasies. The imagination is a wonderful thing and NO ONE can ever tell us what to think. Thank GOD the mind is private and there are a few things left we can keep to ourselves. There seems to always be one that got away or remains elusive. I've had it before and definitely used my mind on an occasion or two. Super rhyming couplets in a rhythm all of their own. Well done and I'm sure plenty of women AND men could relate to this.
Cheers P
x
Comment Written 24-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Awww Pip you are a star. Love your review hon. :) Jaq xxx
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Don't be a wally, YOU'RE the star...this is YOUR poem.
It was super. I have quite a few fantasy lovers...LOL
Whoops! Sorry,. Meant to keep that one to myself! LMAO Now get workin' overtime with that imagination sweets.
x
PS You know ONE good thing about the fantasy lover? He doesn't get a choice LOL YOU get to decide he is there. Dream on babe!
Comment from Sally Carter
Aw shucks, just when it was getting interesting. I think his hair would be a bit tickly though. Get him a hairband!
Nice fishing metaphors.
Do you mind me making a small suggestion? The meter is pretty strong, but I think you could make it even stronger in the fourth verse with a re-ordering of the words. See what you think of:
His body language, tell-tale signs,
his need for me cast fishing lines.
Maybe it doesn't say quite what you meant, in which case please ignore, but I think it would scan slightly better.
Best wishes, and thanks for sharing the dream!
Sally
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Aw shucks, just when it was getting interesting. I think his hair would be a bit tickly though. Get him a hairband!
Nice fishing metaphors.
Do you mind me making a small suggestion? The meter is pretty strong, but I think you could make it even stronger in the fourth verse with a re-ordering of the words. See what you think of:
His body language, tell-tale signs,
his need for me cast fishing lines.
Maybe it doesn't say quite what you meant, in which case please ignore, but I think it would scan slightly better.
Best wishes, and thanks for sharing the dream!
Sally
Comment Written 24-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Thanks Sally it means a lot to me, I will do that xx
Comment from reconciled
"body language casting fishing lines" will sound better...and work with "hooked"...-wink- wonderful read girlfriend love you Michael
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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"body language casting fishing lines" will sound better...and work with "hooked"...-wink- wonderful read girlfriend love you Michael
Comment Written 24-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Will re-look at that Michael. Thank you so much my friend. :) Jaq x
Comment from NicciFaye
Oh the dreams we have, the fantasy if takes us on, and the dare not's we dare to do. I thought this was very good. Great rhyme in this poem with a tie back to the title. Great work.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Oh the dreams we have, the fantasy if takes us on, and the dare not's we dare to do. I thought this was very good. Great rhyme in this poem with a tie back to the title. Great work.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Thank you so very much Nicci for your super review. :) Jaq xx
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Very clever ending to such a romantic write, Jaq.
I'm sure you don't care, LOL, but apart from TWO lines, the meter is excellent:
'to make him mine, truly a must' Maybe [to-MAKE-him-MINE-was-SUCH-a-MUST]
'This lover is mine only in dreams'. Maybe [this-LOV-er's-MINE-but-JUST-in-DREAMS]
Nice one, Jaq.
Cheers, Ray
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Very clever ending to such a romantic write, Jaq.
I'm sure you don't care, LOL, but apart from TWO lines, the meter is excellent:
'to make him mine, truly a must' Maybe [to-MAKE-him-MINE-was-SUCH-a-MUST]
'This lover is mine only in dreams'. Maybe [this-LOV-er's-MINE-but-JUST-in-DREAMS]
Nice one, Jaq.
Cheers, Ray
Comment Written 24-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Awwwww Ray what would I do without you? My own wee mertonome. I've changed them and it makes it so much better. Thanks so much xxx
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No probs, Jaq.
You must have a natural 'ear' for emphasised beats, as the rest is so well metered. xx
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Thank you so much my friend xx
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No probs, Jaq. xx
Comment from lorijean
Wow dream on it what I say, love your poem very sensual and descriptive, and the art work is so beautiful, well written, I enjoyed it very much....
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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Wow dream on it what I say, love your poem very sensual and descriptive, and the art work is so beautiful, well written, I enjoyed it very much....
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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Thank you once more lorijean. Appreciated :) Jaq x
