haibun (Aging)
It is a journey of privilege and endurance.14 total reviews
Comment from emjaihammond
I had not seen this contest. It's a great idea. I like your subject matter here. It pertains to many of us, guess that's why I'm drawn to it. It's both funny and clever, and I enjoyed this special poem.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2013
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I had not seen this contest. It's a great idea. I like your subject matter here. It pertains to many of us, guess that's why I'm drawn to it. It's both funny and clever, and I enjoyed this special poem.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2013
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Thanks for the kind review.
Comment from mermaids
I love the haibun form and you hold the reader's interest here,it is as if you are having a conversation about aging with another person. The haiku are excellent,they give the sense of rebirth,aging is part of the life cycle.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2013
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I love the haibun form and you hold the reader's interest here,it is as if you are having a conversation about aging with another person. The haiku are excellent,they give the sense of rebirth,aging is part of the life cycle.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2013
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I love it also taking a class next month to learn more about it.
Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from country ranch writer
WE MUST GET OLD FROM TIME TO TIME SOME FASTER THAN OTHERS FROM THE HARD LIFE THEY HAVE WITHSTOOD OVER THE YEARS. ENJOY LIFE WHY YOU CAN AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU. TAKE TIME TO ENYOY LIFE FOR IT IS TO SHORT AND CAN BE GONE IN A BLINK OF AN EYE
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2013
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WE MUST GET OLD FROM TIME TO TIME SOME FASTER THAN OTHERS FROM THE HARD LIFE THEY HAVE WITHSTOOD OVER THE YEARS. ENJOY LIFE WHY YOU CAN AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU. TAKE TIME TO ENYOY LIFE FOR IT IS TO SHORT AND CAN BE GONE IN A BLINK OF AN EYE
Comment Written 27-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2013
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thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Winslow
Dear Dallas,
You have done well describing the little things you change as you grow older but in the second half recall well the youthful feelings of when you were a new mother. The poems are good, particularly the second. Well done.
Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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Dear Dallas,
You have done well describing the little things you change as you grow older but in the second half recall well the youthful feelings of when you were a new mother. The poems are good, particularly the second. Well done.
Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 26-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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Thanks you for the kind review.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is lovely prose'n'poem. I've read 'When I grow old I'll wear Purple' - and I envy the kind of person in it. Unfortunately I'm not like that so I empathize with you. I like the second part which is optimistic and looks on the bright side. And your two small poems were perfect for the story. First, you can't alter what has to be - getting old. Youth and Old Age both have their advantages (I think-hope!) Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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This is lovely prose'n'poem. I've read 'When I grow old I'll wear Purple' - and I envy the kind of person in it. Unfortunately I'm not like that so I empathize with you. I like the second part which is optimistic and looks on the bright side. And your two small poems were perfect for the story. First, you can't alter what has to be - getting old. Youth and Old Age both have their advantages (I think-hope!) Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 26-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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Thank you for reviewing. They do both have their pros and cons. Welcome to fanstory.
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer follows all the rules for this particular contest. The message is clear and the syllable counts for the Haikus are correct. This piece or pieces seemed to be well thought out. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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The writer follows all the rules for this particular contest. The message is clear and the syllable counts for the Haikus are correct. This piece or pieces seemed to be well thought out. Best wishes.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from ravenblack
beautiful statement on aging. join the grey panthers, they could use a voice like yours. love " the mighty oak tree/is naked in the winter/until spring arrives" and the one thing that makes age sweet ( i'm not where you are yet, but am in the stage where I really don't give a damn what others think about me) " time is no longer a cheap commodity to be rifled through and wasted" - that is wisdom. savor each now like a sip of wine.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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beautiful statement on aging. join the grey panthers, they could use a voice like yours. love " the mighty oak tree/is naked in the winter/until spring arrives" and the one thing that makes age sweet ( i'm not where you are yet, but am in the stage where I really don't give a damn what others think about me) " time is no longer a cheap commodity to be rifled through and wasted" - that is wisdom. savor each now like a sip of wine.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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Thanks for the wonderful detailed review. And if you are at that point where you don't give a damn, you are close.
Comment from Cry the Vile Rebel
What a graceful expression of the journey of aging. At least you are still taking peeks in the mirror. I myself am currently in an "avert-thine-eyes" sort of phase. I love the simpleness, the poetry of your reconnection with motherhood. Actually, I enjoyed this whole piece.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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What a graceful expression of the journey of aging. At least you are still taking peeks in the mirror. I myself am currently in an "avert-thine-eyes" sort of phase. I love the simpleness, the poetry of your reconnection with motherhood. Actually, I enjoyed this whole piece.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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Thank you for reviewing and welcome to fanstory.
Comment from GracieAnn
The assignment for this work is accomplished well. The haikus play nicely into the overall progression of the intent of the message about hopefulness in the process of aging.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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The assignment for this work is accomplished well. The haikus play nicely into the overall progression of the intent of the message about hopefulness in the process of aging.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2013
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Lovinia
Dear mystery writer
I like this and the concept. Great presentation .... your picture is awesome.
** Just a quick note ... you have used a gerund (...ing) which is forbidden in the rules. My suggestion:
each season
blossoms in accord
with schedule
- doesn't change your syllable count. Please disregard or change to your own words.
You have presented us with an entertaining narrative with a few funny moments and a lot to contemplate and ponder as the years roll onwards. I like your up-lifting attitude to advancing age and the joy and pleasure you take in the present. Some lovely imagery which conjures up memories. I love "the Johnson's powdered bottom". Some great wisdom conveyed powerfully in your last line. A few little laughs about some of the chagrins we may face in getting older.
Your haiku are wistful and lovely in the moment and are cleverly worked with your prose. Good Luck in the contest. Warmest Regards - Lovinia
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2013
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Dear mystery writer
I like this and the concept. Great presentation .... your picture is awesome.
** Just a quick note ... you have used a gerund (...ing) which is forbidden in the rules. My suggestion:
each season
blossoms in accord
with schedule
- doesn't change your syllable count. Please disregard or change to your own words.
You have presented us with an entertaining narrative with a few funny moments and a lot to contemplate and ponder as the years roll onwards. I like your up-lifting attitude to advancing age and the joy and pleasure you take in the present. Some lovely imagery which conjures up memories. I love "the Johnson's powdered bottom". Some great wisdom conveyed powerfully in your last line. A few little laughs about some of the chagrins we may face in getting older.
Your haiku are wistful and lovely in the moment and are cleverly worked with your prose. Good Luck in the contest. Warmest Regards - Lovinia
Comment Written 12-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2013
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thanks for the heads up.
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Hi DALLAS
Sorry you weren't a winner. A very good piece though. I have done one, maybe two haibun ... they are great. I love your haiku ... I want to do some haiku, eventually ... just not time to really get the essence of the form ... you have done it so well here. I think your haiku are excellent. My pleasure to be of help. I often miss a thing or two ... just love it when someone picks it up. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
