CURRICULUM VITAE
A CV of dysfunctions for males and females33 total reviews
Comment from CR Delport
A good story that is well written, well edited, and well delivered. I could find no obvious errors. Cant say I agree with everything, but most is true :)
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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A good story that is well written, well edited, and well delivered. I could find no obvious errors. Cant say I agree with everything, but most is true :)
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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With satire it is less about agree or disagree and more about the laugh one takes away with them. We know in the Scheme of things one size does not fit all, this is just exaggerated fun at the expense of stereotypes.
Glad you found it to be a good read. Thank you very much for taking time to review this piece.
Comment from garrymc5
Good spirited piece, showing a character behind the text. Trlly I have not looked at the auther's gender, for fear of detecting bias!! A bit of Jung and Freud os always 'fun'.
However all these pieces do run the risk of gendr stereotyping, for rg, thr eoman will always talk endlessly about relationships, looked at from all angles. Probably true, most of the time. Interestingly, in terms of talk generally, apparently males talk more. Hmm.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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Good spirited piece, showing a character behind the text. Trlly I have not looked at the auther's gender, for fear of detecting bias!! A bit of Jung and Freud os always 'fun'.
However all these pieces do run the risk of gendr stereotyping, for rg, thr eoman will always talk endlessly about relationships, looked at from all angles. Probably true, most of the time. Interestingly, in terms of talk generally, apparently males talk more. Hmm.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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First and foremost it helps to keep in mind that this is satire. By its very nature satire is exaggeration. I was going for the humor and the lighter side of this topic. What better thing to poke fun at than stereotypes.
Thank you for your review and comments I appreciate both.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Deserves a 6 for being intellectual stimulating to whats' left of my brain by the time I finished reading this diatribe of adroit logic well scribed, prescribed and maybe imbibed for that matter.
Regards:
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Deserves a 6 for being intellectual stimulating to whats' left of my brain by the time I finished reading this diatribe of adroit logic well scribed, prescribed and maybe imbibed for that matter.
Regards:
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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I swear to you I only had two swigs of antacid, nothing stronger.
This came out of a very sleep deprived brain.
I am glad you were able to read it without benefit of an interpreter, as I was not certain if I wrote it in Sanskrit.
Thanks for your kind and clever review, I loved it!
Comment from aakemp
Actually, for midnight meanderings, your "reverse CV" story is quite good. But you forgot the list of published works for both, maybe something like, (Male CV) "How to Control the Women in Your Life Without Lifting a Finger," Playboy, XIII, 45 - 47. (Female CV) "The Bigger They Are, the Harder They Fall, and Then Some," Better Homes & Gardens, XV, 66-65.
I found just a few little things that I would change:
1)As Chris Rock says: "When you meet someone for the first time, you are not meeting them you are meeting their representative." - a comma works better after says; also need a comma after them.
2)What if, for kicks and giggles, we do the opposite and just lay it all on the line. Present our worst sides and let the games begin. (There would probably be far fewer single people in the world as a result of this exercise in "suicide mating", but it never hurts to shake things up a bit). - These sentences confuse me: it seems that there would be "far more single people" if everyone laid out their worst sides first.
3)big giant experiment - big and giant are synonymous: just need one
4)It is equivalent to the mad scientist being loosed in the lab where he is running around throwing disparate chemicals together and screaming - "it's alive"! - also a comma would do better after screaming; and "it's" s/b capitalized, Baron von Frankenstein.
5)As they say "you pays your money and you takes your chances." - comma after say
You must be either a psychologist or a student of psychology. You do realize, of course, that, although Freud classified himself at the highest, genital stage of development (of course), his addiction to cigars would probably put his developmental level at the oral stage. You'd think after about the 50th operation for jaw cancer, he would have got the message. Definitely oral.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Actually, for midnight meanderings, your "reverse CV" story is quite good. But you forgot the list of published works for both, maybe something like, (Male CV) "How to Control the Women in Your Life Without Lifting a Finger," Playboy, XIII, 45 - 47. (Female CV) "The Bigger They Are, the Harder They Fall, and Then Some," Better Homes & Gardens, XV, 66-65.
I found just a few little things that I would change:
1)As Chris Rock says: "When you meet someone for the first time, you are not meeting them you are meeting their representative." - a comma works better after says; also need a comma after them.
2)What if, for kicks and giggles, we do the opposite and just lay it all on the line. Present our worst sides and let the games begin. (There would probably be far fewer single people in the world as a result of this exercise in "suicide mating", but it never hurts to shake things up a bit). - These sentences confuse me: it seems that there would be "far more single people" if everyone laid out their worst sides first.
3)big giant experiment - big and giant are synonymous: just need one
4)It is equivalent to the mad scientist being loosed in the lab where he is running around throwing disparate chemicals together and screaming - "it's alive"! - also a comma would do better after screaming; and "it's" s/b capitalized, Baron von Frankenstein.
5)As they say "you pays your money and you takes your chances." - comma after say
You must be either a psychologist or a student of psychology. You do realize, of course, that, although Freud classified himself at the highest, genital stage of development (of course), his addiction to cigars would probably put his developmental level at the oral stage. You'd think after about the 50th operation for jaw cancer, he would have got the message. Definitely oral.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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So glad you got a kick out of this piece. Thank you for your most generous rating, I greatly appreciate it.
Now, I will go back and put a closer eye on the piece and edit accordingly.
Thank you so much!
Comment from Gregory K Shipman
You have gone into an arena where only true gladiators tread. It is the land of utopian relationships... or so one imagines. You go bravely (and I think not foolishly) into truth.
To Wit: One does enter the 'first meet' doing all one can to convince the other that one is without fault or blemish. It is important to do so because the other is doing the same. When these two perfect people complete the 'bullshit' phase they are then ready for the next phase, which is the 'let's get together and make a mess' phase...
I cannot continue because, in truth, I've not gone any further than that!
I appreciate the 'Vitaes'... I've found that I'm a combination of both... Lord knows I hope that doesn't make me 'bi-vitae'...
I can see you have given this much thought and I feel you have a well crafted piece which brings one to the table of 'Truth or Consequence'.
Again you have presented me with something to chew on... and you've presented it in good form and fashion...
If, in the future, you cannot sleep, try Fox News... that should work. And if it doesn't, try MSNBC. Between the two you'll sleep rather than imagine the world both describe
And if, one day, your Prince finds you... see if he has a sister... I'll send her my Vitae... and await hers.
greg
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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You have gone into an arena where only true gladiators tread. It is the land of utopian relationships... or so one imagines. You go bravely (and I think not foolishly) into truth.
To Wit: One does enter the 'first meet' doing all one can to convince the other that one is without fault or blemish. It is important to do so because the other is doing the same. When these two perfect people complete the 'bullshit' phase they are then ready for the next phase, which is the 'let's get together and make a mess' phase...
I cannot continue because, in truth, I've not gone any further than that!
I appreciate the 'Vitaes'... I've found that I'm a combination of both... Lord knows I hope that doesn't make me 'bi-vitae'...
I can see you have given this much thought and I feel you have a well crafted piece which brings one to the table of 'Truth or Consequence'.
Again you have presented me with something to chew on... and you've presented it in good form and fashion...
If, in the future, you cannot sleep, try Fox News... that should work. And if it doesn't, try MSNBC. Between the two you'll sleep rather than imagine the world both describe
And if, one day, your Prince finds you... see if he has a sister... I'll send her my Vitae... and await hers.
greg
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Most honorable Gregory San,
I do appreciate your take on this piece of mine and sincerely thank you for your comments and ever so generous rating.
If you went beyond satire and found the piece thought provoking, then I am pleased, as I respect your thought processes and always unique point of view.
Addressing this somewhat touchy and big ticket life topic, I tried to apportion equal amounts of dysfunctions between both males and females, as I do believe we share these shortcomings by virtue of being human (gender differences aside).
Additionally,I attempted to place them in an overall setting that would temper their negative impact. In my summation I earnestly tried to reinforce the concept that we, in the grand scheme of things, compliment one another. Men and women can and do make a great team.
As for me finding a 'Prince'- since I am not remotely interested in conducting such a search, I'm terribly afraid you are very much on your own. However, being the fine and resourceful young man I know you to be, I have every faith that you will find your 'Princess' all on your own.
Again, I thank you for this well thought out review.
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You see, my lovely friend, here's the 'skinny' on this here Prince, Princess jib. If you are not in the Prince-finding business then I likely can't depend on you to scrub up his sister... since there'll be no Princess-scrub... greg sr. can basketball, food-chomp, workaholic-a-ree and movie gaze to his absolute non-heart's desire... in other words, 'all's well that ends swell.'
You do great satire as well as great 'thought-provocative'
greg
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Best of luck Greg Sr., you deserve to basketball, food chomp and watch movies until your retinas are worn thin.
God bless single life and autonomy rocks!!
Never have two disparate people been more in syc.
So, yes indeed, all is well that ends well ... have a great life my friend, enjoy!
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Note to friend... 'have a great life' is a farewell not a greeting... re-write your ending salutation...
the friend
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Okay,good Buddy ...lets just say party on Garth!
Comment from JM daSilva
This is one of your pieces of writing I've loved the most. Kudos to you. I have some editing suggestions for you. Take what you like, ok? There are also inline comments.
These days we all have some sort of resume for our professional careers,(.) something that
This lets a prospective employer know who we are, what we can do and if we are suited to a particular position (remove being offered)[it doesn't add to the meaning and it is passive voice].
I'm just 'spitballing' (it's in the Urban Dictionary folks) here, but what if we take this a step further and design a customized CV categorizing male and female dysfunctions in juxtaposition to relationships. (Great idea, and believe it or not, in my story "philosopher warrior", my character calls her dates "applicants", and she wants a CV)
The only problem with this would be condensing our quirks and ticks down to (a) reasonable size and not leave out the essence of who we truly are. We would not want to dilute any of our lowly characteristics and thereby misrepresent ourselves to those who would review said document prior to engaging in a relationship with us.
the norm, which is to always put our best foot
which is always to put our best foot forward (this split infinitive is not bad, just so you know)
when meeting someone. As Chris Rock says: "When you meet someone for the first time, you are not meeting them(,) you are meeting their representative." As a rule, we put on our best social personae(persona singular, personae plural) in the dating arena.
Dynamic, results-oriented Male with outstanding background in lack of follow(-) through[because it is a noun).
Could take a lie detector test and pass with flying colors, [You can do this, lol. Use philosophy, convince yourself everything is relative half an hour before the test. Is my name jm? I think, well, what is a name? Just something that somebody says, some call me other names, so it is and it isn't Bang. The machine goes crazy]
Key Dysfunctions:
¢ Clever at committing and justifying mental infidelity. (this is just normal human behavior)
would reel in a Marlin. Extremely adept at employing a variety of feminine wiles[remove , before so that ] a man does not suspect he is being led down a path he would never take on his own. [I call that crab moves] Has the bold, ambitious and worldly character of Lady Macbeth when it comes to exerting power and control over the opposite sex (mostly through appealing to his southern-most regions, aka small brain). [That's why I have a clause with females: Never take anything I say seriously if I say it during, before or right after sex]
¢ Adroit at conducting kangaroo court where spouse/partner is automatically guilty with absolutely no recourse of proving himself innocent. [you're gonna love my lover book when I continue. Lol]
¢ Given to bouts [of] with "green-eyed monster" aka, jealousy.
Somehow a serious lack of oxygen to the brain occurs(,) and that is when good judgment takes a holiday.
the sake of some sort of harmony in the relationship (even if it takes a whip and a chair to accomplish). (kinky, hmm)
"We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love." - Sigmund Freud
Whatever our collective personality flaws may be (,)and no matter how disparate the genders,
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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This is one of your pieces of writing I've loved the most. Kudos to you. I have some editing suggestions for you. Take what you like, ok? There are also inline comments.
These days we all have some sort of resume for our professional careers,(.) something that
This lets a prospective employer know who we are, what we can do and if we are suited to a particular position (remove being offered)[it doesn't add to the meaning and it is passive voice].
I'm just 'spitballing' (it's in the Urban Dictionary folks) here, but what if we take this a step further and design a customized CV categorizing male and female dysfunctions in juxtaposition to relationships. (Great idea, and believe it or not, in my story "philosopher warrior", my character calls her dates "applicants", and she wants a CV)
The only problem with this would be condensing our quirks and ticks down to (a) reasonable size and not leave out the essence of who we truly are. We would not want to dilute any of our lowly characteristics and thereby misrepresent ourselves to those who would review said document prior to engaging in a relationship with us.
the norm, which is to always put our best foot
which is always to put our best foot forward (this split infinitive is not bad, just so you know)
when meeting someone. As Chris Rock says: "When you meet someone for the first time, you are not meeting them(,) you are meeting their representative." As a rule, we put on our best social personae(persona singular, personae plural) in the dating arena.
Dynamic, results-oriented Male with outstanding background in lack of follow(-) through[because it is a noun).
Could take a lie detector test and pass with flying colors, [You can do this, lol. Use philosophy, convince yourself everything is relative half an hour before the test. Is my name jm? I think, well, what is a name? Just something that somebody says, some call me other names, so it is and it isn't Bang. The machine goes crazy]
Key Dysfunctions:
¢ Clever at committing and justifying mental infidelity. (this is just normal human behavior)
would reel in a Marlin. Extremely adept at employing a variety of feminine wiles[remove , before so that ] a man does not suspect he is being led down a path he would never take on his own. [I call that crab moves] Has the bold, ambitious and worldly character of Lady Macbeth when it comes to exerting power and control over the opposite sex (mostly through appealing to his southern-most regions, aka small brain). [That's why I have a clause with females: Never take anything I say seriously if I say it during, before or right after sex]
¢ Adroit at conducting kangaroo court where spouse/partner is automatically guilty with absolutely no recourse of proving himself innocent. [you're gonna love my lover book when I continue. Lol]
¢ Given to bouts [of] with "green-eyed monster" aka, jealousy.
Somehow a serious lack of oxygen to the brain occurs(,) and that is when good judgment takes a holiday.
the sake of some sort of harmony in the relationship (even if it takes a whip and a chair to accomplish). (kinky, hmm)
"We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love." - Sigmund Freud
Whatever our collective personality flaws may be (,)and no matter how disparate the genders,
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Okay Prof. edits are complete, now for your 'inline' comment.
Clever at committing and justifying mental infidelity. (this is just normal human behavior)- No, JM, it is pretty much normal 'male' behavior, but I would not expect you to see it otherwise.
[That's why I have a clause with females: Never take anything I say seriously if I say it during, before or right after sex] - I LOVE this! More men should follow your lead.
You are too funny and it is refreshing to have a man's take on this topic.
Thank you for the generous rating, my friend and for your always helpful edits.
Note: I think I am improving a bit on this punctuation stuff, at least I hope so.
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Are you sure about this mental thing? I doubt that because of the Donna Juanitas in the world. Feet pointing at you wherever you go. Great body language. lol. I'll go deeply into that in my lover book when I finish the killer.
Mechanics is a matter of doing and correcting and you learn, but writing a beautiful text, nope. That takes a creative mind. kudos to you.
Comment from Deniz22
Tuning out the female voice the moment a topic is presente Tuning out the female voice the moment a topic is presented that he does not wish to deal with. d that he does not wish to deal with. Tuning out the female voice the moment a topic is presented that he does not wish to deal with. Tuning out the female voice the moment a topic is presented that he does not wish to deal with. "I"m sorry, did you say something?" LOL
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Tuning out the female voice the moment a topic is presente Tuning out the female voice the moment a topic is presented that he does not wish to deal with. d that he does not wish to deal with. Tuning out the female voice the moment a topic is presented that he does not wish to deal with. Tuning out the female voice the moment a topic is presented that he does not wish to deal with. "I"m sorry, did you say something?" LOL
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Said like a true smartass!
Hope this means you liked the satire, but don't tell me if you didn't ... I just don't want to know.
I do thank you for your clever review and the five stars!
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:)don't tell me if you didn't ... I just don't want to know. Hmmmmmmm, sounds just like a a a a MAN! :)
Comment from Dawn Munro
Ah, Marisa, I felt a wonderful kinship with your author's notes - my forays into the human psyche often occur past the witching hour, so it pleases me that while I think the rest of the world is sleeping, I am, in fact, in brilliant company! LOL - said resumes seem like a great idea to me. Imagine how many battles could be avoided...Let peace reign o'er the land!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Ah, Marisa, I felt a wonderful kinship with your author's notes - my forays into the human psyche often occur past the witching hour, so it pleases me that while I think the rest of the world is sleeping, I am, in fact, in brilliant company! LOL - said resumes seem like a great idea to me. Imagine how many battles could be avoided...Let peace reign o'er the land!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Oh a fellow insomniac ... so glad to know I am not the only one haunting the earth in the wee hours.
Yes, if we(males/females) would each cleaned up our own lists of dysfunctions,relationships would be a piece of cake or 'Ambien' pie, as it were.
We all know that's not going to come to pass, so we just need to learn how to live with one another's quirks.
Thank you so much for your terrific review. Someone just gave me a three star on this one, so I greatly appreciate the boost I got from your comments.
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OMG! Ridiculous. I am so appalled. I have never seen anything of yours that isn't fabulous. seriously. I am so sorry to her that!
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Thank you, Dawn. You are always so kind and gracious to me and I greatly appreciate your reviews.
The majority of reviews I get on my pieces out weigh the few from those people I believe do not get satire.
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You are very welcome. (and I was so upset, I didn't remember I have a keyboard with sticking keys and I need to check everything before i send it out - sorry for the spelling/missing letters in my reply - LOL!!!) Yes, I even went back to see if this person was new and perhaps didn't get it. I'm sure she is, and you are right - she doesn't understand satire, from what I read - not at all!)
Comment from Jo Alkemade
I am giving this piece 3 stars, only because it is still in the embryonic stage (hello, insomnia!) I hope you will return to it and take this really intriguing seed and work it into something potentially unique and thought-provoking.
Positive aspects: I love your writing style; your voice! This is of major importance, as it cannot be faked. You have it, or you don't (yet). I like the idea of supporting your story with quotes, although they may need to be more smoothly integrated with the story (especially the last two). I like that you are developing an argument, and presenting a case for your argument.
What needs work: actually, what did not work for me, is the list of characteristics that form the "dysfunctional cv" itself. The rest of the story is based on the narrator's specific point of view, grounded in reality, yet suddenly we have imaginary male and female stereotypes that form the crux of the argument. Where did they come from?
Good job! If you decide to tweak, I'd love to read the next version.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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I am giving this piece 3 stars, only because it is still in the embryonic stage (hello, insomnia!) I hope you will return to it and take this really intriguing seed and work it into something potentially unique and thought-provoking.
Positive aspects: I love your writing style; your voice! This is of major importance, as it cannot be faked. You have it, or you don't (yet). I like the idea of supporting your story with quotes, although they may need to be more smoothly integrated with the story (especially the last two). I like that you are developing an argument, and presenting a case for your argument.
What needs work: actually, what did not work for me, is the list of characteristics that form the "dysfunctional cv" itself. The rest of the story is based on the narrator's specific point of view, grounded in reality, yet suddenly we have imaginary male and female stereotypes that form the crux of the argument. Where did they come from?
Good job! If you decide to tweak, I'd love to read the next version.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Nope, pretty much intend to stick with the original concept. It is satire and meant to be over the top, take away the CV setup and it completely destroys the point I was trying to make.
Thanks for taking time to read and comment.
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I am sorry - that wasn't very smart of me! Of course you are writing a satire with a CV, and so you should! My apologies, I guess I wasn't very in the moment...
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No apology necessary. When I write satire it is usually over the top. Sometimes I guess it is hard to see where I am going with a piece. I usually ask my readers to suspend gravity during their reading of my stuff, it tends to help.
Again, I thank you for taking time to do such a thorough review.
Comment from dannyleonn
OMG! Oh the truth and the hysterics of this concept! Pure genius.
I delighted in the verbiage and the insight of your piece. Perhaps I enjoyed so much, I am unable to search for any spags, etc. With the exception of an exclamation point: "it's alive".
However, the following lines and phrases were certainly showstoppers:
"suicide mating"
"Adroit at conducting kangaroo court where spouse/partner is automatically guilty with absolutely no recourse of proving himself innocent."
"Now whether you are a Freudian or Jungian (or a Presbyterian),"
"It is the equivalent of the mad scientist being loosed in the lab where he is running around throwing disparate chemicals together and screaming - "it's alive"."
"As they say "you pays your money and you takes your chances." I personally am not at all addicted to gambling, but I do know a few people who would classify as riverboat gamblers when it comes to constantly engaging in affairs of the heart. While I greatly admire their fortitude in these matters, mine is that of a spectator's interest only. I have a very low tolerance for pain and so avoid it like the plague."
Insomnia is definitely the antidote for writer's block for me.
Even your author note had me roaring with laughter. Job incredibly well done.
BTW, when did you meet my husband?
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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OMG! Oh the truth and the hysterics of this concept! Pure genius.
I delighted in the verbiage and the insight of your piece. Perhaps I enjoyed so much, I am unable to search for any spags, etc. With the exception of an exclamation point: "it's alive".
However, the following lines and phrases were certainly showstoppers:
"suicide mating"
"Adroit at conducting kangaroo court where spouse/partner is automatically guilty with absolutely no recourse of proving himself innocent."
"Now whether you are a Freudian or Jungian (or a Presbyterian),"
"It is the equivalent of the mad scientist being loosed in the lab where he is running around throwing disparate chemicals together and screaming - "it's alive"."
"As they say "you pays your money and you takes your chances." I personally am not at all addicted to gambling, but I do know a few people who would classify as riverboat gamblers when it comes to constantly engaging in affairs of the heart. While I greatly admire their fortitude in these matters, mine is that of a spectator's interest only. I have a very low tolerance for pain and so avoid it like the plague."
Insomnia is definitely the antidote for writer's block for me.
Even your author note had me roaring with laughter. Job incredibly well done.
BTW, when did you meet my husband?
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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So happy you liked my early morning satirical musings.
I am afraid to go back and read it again when fully awake.
Thank you very much for this wonderful review. I love it when one gets and enjoys satire.
