First Pitch
Not your ordinary baseball story30 total reviews
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hey John,
It's February, and my heart and mind search for subtle signs of spring. The sports pages feed into that yearning with reports on spring training. My brother's phonecalls become more frequent as the opening day at Safeco Field in Seattle nears. Your little story fit right into my mindset. By the start of this season I will have turned 66, but opening day rejuvenates me.
I think your story could well be expanded into a book. You have Randy coaching Little League which is fine. My suggestion would be to eventually convert him to a play-by-play announcer of the game. I could see him working his way up the ranks from college ball to the minors, and eventually to a major league franchise. Anyway, that's just a thought that came to me. A couple years back we lost Seattle's Dave Niehaus to a heart attack. There is a statue of him along the centerfield concourse at Safeco. He is shown seated behind a microphone and there is an empty chair next to him where fans can have their pictures taken. He broadcast games over the radio for thirty-three years and was elected the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. He meant a great deal to Mariners' fans. Maybe you could take that kind of route with Randy. Up to you, of course.
One possible change noted: I think you meant to say "...for effect" instead of "affect".
Thanks for writing this piece and helping me through the winter doldrums.
Ray
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Hey John,
It's February, and my heart and mind search for subtle signs of spring. The sports pages feed into that yearning with reports on spring training. My brother's phonecalls become more frequent as the opening day at Safeco Field in Seattle nears. Your little story fit right into my mindset. By the start of this season I will have turned 66, but opening day rejuvenates me.
I think your story could well be expanded into a book. You have Randy coaching Little League which is fine. My suggestion would be to eventually convert him to a play-by-play announcer of the game. I could see him working his way up the ranks from college ball to the minors, and eventually to a major league franchise. Anyway, that's just a thought that came to me. A couple years back we lost Seattle's Dave Niehaus to a heart attack. There is a statue of him along the centerfield concourse at Safeco. He is shown seated behind a microphone and there is an empty chair next to him where fans can have their pictures taken. He broadcast games over the radio for thirty-three years and was elected the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. He meant a great deal to Mariners' fans. Maybe you could take that kind of route with Randy. Up to you, of course.
One possible change noted: I think you meant to say "...for effect" instead of "affect".
Thanks for writing this piece and helping me through the winter doldrums.
Ray
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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I like that thought of being an announcer... Something for me to consider. I enjoyed your review and all it's details. That's a great thing about FanStory in how easily we convey our thoughts to each other, all over the globe.
Thanks again Ray for words of encouragement and wisdom and experience,
John
Comment from IndianaIrish
I think your idea of using your talent for writing books for boys is right on the money, John. I think this story f the twins gives you all kinds of opportunities to expand on their story and give young boys a chance to read about events they can identify with and not feel alone, and give them some same-age heroes to look up to. This is a great start, John, and I do hope you go after your dream of writing kid story with determination and confidence.
Smiles,
Karyn
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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I think your idea of using your talent for writing books for boys is right on the money, John. I think this story f the twins gives you all kinds of opportunities to expand on their story and give young boys a chance to read about events they can identify with and not feel alone, and give them some same-age heroes to look up to. This is a great start, John, and I do hope you go after your dream of writing kid story with determination and confidence.
Smiles,
Karyn
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Thanks Karyn for that uplifting review. I do plan on proceeding (successfully) with the book, movie and pilot series !! Well at least the book. Thanks for your help along the way and I may knock on your door again. So don't lock it!! JohnnyD
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I will for sure : )
Comment from Deniz22
A winner story all the way through. The family support (but what about Mom? Might be good to give her at least a cameo) can be a great background for young readers.
I mention Mom in relation to the book idea ... and also wonder if you intend to continue in the book with these characters or tell a bunch of different stories? I would do some research on similar type books for the age group you have in mind.Are they publishing such? Are they selling? Kids can see sports stars so you have the competition of all the sports mags. Hope you do well which ever way you go!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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A winner story all the way through. The family support (but what about Mom? Might be good to give her at least a cameo) can be a great background for young readers.
I mention Mom in relation to the book idea ... and also wonder if you intend to continue in the book with these characters or tell a bunch of different stories? I would do some research on similar type books for the age group you have in mind.Are they publishing such? Are they selling? Kids can see sports stars so you have the competition of all the sports mags. Hope you do well which ever way you go!
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Deniz, you are 100% correct on the Mom aspect. In the story, she wasn't left out intentionally, just never wrote her in. In the book version, she will have a much greater part. Thanks for the review and observation. I appreciate it all. John
Comment from megg_2020
Yes, I think you should turn the whole story into an intriguing book. Lots and lots of fodder for young minds to absorb. With that said, great story and the poor little boy...I always find it amazing kids take deadly things like cancer in stride, while adults...don't. Again, great story.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Yes, I think you should turn the whole story into an intriguing book. Lots and lots of fodder for young minds to absorb. With that said, great story and the poor little boy...I always find it amazing kids take deadly things like cancer in stride, while adults...don't. Again, great story.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Kids are innocent. Unless the parent(s) poison there minds with BS they will develop there own views and opinions and carry own hopefully in a God caring way. Thanks Megg for this great review and vote of confidence. John
Comment from Titanx9
You tell this story not to gather sympathy for a boy who dreamed of becoming a football star and was forced to fight cancer with everything he had in him, but to tell of his valor. If you plan to expand upon this story, I'd focus on the courage of young Randy, rather than baseball. The 10-year old showed tremendous courage all along the way and even when his dreams became a fading memory, he kept his spirits up. I think today's' kids need to know who real heroes are and what it takes to be one. I enjoyed reading this one!
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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You tell this story not to gather sympathy for a boy who dreamed of becoming a football star and was forced to fight cancer with everything he had in him, but to tell of his valor. If you plan to expand upon this story, I'd focus on the courage of young Randy, rather than baseball. The 10-year old showed tremendous courage all along the way and even when his dreams became a fading memory, he kept his spirits up. I think today's' kids need to know who real heroes are and what it takes to be one. I enjoyed reading this one!
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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You are 100% correct. As the title is First Pitch, the little description read, not your traditional baseball story. Thank you so much for the review. Your comments mirror my thinking moving forward with this as a book. John
Comment from Sasha
This brought tears to my eyes. I do hope you expand this into a book. Even though I am a few years past the 5th and 6th grade level, I know I would read it. Marvelous work with this well written and deeply moving story.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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This brought tears to my eyes. I do hope you expand this into a book. Even though I am a few years past the 5th and 6th grade level, I know I would read it. Marvelous work with this well written and deeply moving story.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Valarie, thank you so much for the generous 6 stars. But your words of encouragement are deeply felt. John
Comment from Bina1
What a great story, you let it roll out very well. Excellent character development, natural conversation. What a unusual great slant on a baseball story.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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What a great story, you let it roll out very well. Excellent character development, natural conversation. What a unusual great slant on a baseball story.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thank you very much Bina for this great review. If I remember correctly, you are a baseball fan. Yes? On my authors notes, I indicated wanting to expand this to a childrens book, ala Matt Christopher to name an author. Merits? What do you think? John
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I think it sounds great. A great life lesson for a kid....for anyone, really. You have a knack for writing, well done. Yes, Yankees are back!
Comment from muezza56
i really enjoyed this uplifting tale. Randy was a very brave young man, and although he never lived out his dream, he had a bigger battle to fight, with cancer and thankfully, he won. and although this prevented his aspirations, the story ends with him becoming a coach. i cant offer much advice, as i dont know much about baseball(uk)but i do know this is a well written story, good stuff
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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i really enjoyed this uplifting tale. Randy was a very brave young man, and although he never lived out his dream, he had a bigger battle to fight, with cancer and thankfully, he won. and although this prevented his aspirations, the story ends with him becoming a coach. i cant offer much advice, as i dont know much about baseball(uk)but i do know this is a well written story, good stuff
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Muezza, you said plenty! One doesn't specifically need to know baseball to get something from the story. Thank you so much. John
Comment from CR Delport
You were right, this is a baseball story like no other. Very well written and well presented. I had to wipe away my tears before I was able to start typing my review. Brilliantly done! This is an inspirational story like few others.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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You were right, this is a baseball story like no other. Very well written and well presented. I had to wipe away my tears before I was able to start typing my review. Brilliantly done! This is an inspirational story like few others.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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CR, thank you so very much for this excellent review. These give me the inspiration and ego boost to continue. I am humbled by your generous rating. John
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Fantastic. I was captivated from beginning to end. I have twin daughters and the dynamics are unexplainable. You really tugged the heart with this one, as this could be a non-fiction story of so many kids. Like Trevor said " Cancer, it's unmerciful, will strike anyone..any age..anytime. You get six for this one. :-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Fantastic. I was captivated from beginning to end. I have twin daughters and the dynamics are unexplainable. You really tugged the heart with this one, as this could be a non-fiction story of so many kids. Like Trevor said " Cancer, it's unmerciful, will strike anyone..any age..anytime. You get six for this one. :-) Carolyn
Comment Written 11-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Carolyn, thank you so very very much. I'm humbled by the 6 but your words far outweigh that. I am grateful for both. John
