My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 83 "Float away."All of my poems of release.
9 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Enter my soul and fill me full
of happiness and love,
no more to dip in life's dark pool,
nor dark clouds up above.
Now you know this is possible JC. You just make a wish and it comes true. SIgh don't ever be sad girlie.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Enter my soul and fill me full
of happiness and love,
no more to dip in life's dark pool,
nor dark clouds up above.
Now you know this is possible JC. You just make a wish and it comes true. SIgh don't ever be sad girlie.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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I'm not Gungalo. Just reflecting. Thanks so very much xx
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Ray I still don't understand metering :) xx
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Smile
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oooops lol wrong review
Comment from Spike the second
Hello Jaq
A very nice poem indeed. Floating away from the hassles of life sounds almost as good as turning back the clock to childhood. Oh to have that life, when we were so innocent and young. Aches, pains and worries seemed a lifetime away and days lasted for ages.
Great poem my friend, it cannot be long before they allow me to award a six star rating to you.
Blessings
Spike
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Hello Jaq
A very nice poem indeed. Floating away from the hassles of life sounds almost as good as turning back the clock to childhood. Oh to have that life, when we were so innocent and young. Aches, pains and worries seemed a lifetime away and days lasted for ages.
Great poem my friend, it cannot be long before they allow me to award a six star rating to you.
Blessings
Spike
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Aww your words are more than enougj Spike. God bless xx
Comment from Papabearua
A light and airy poem full of hope, joy and overcoming "a big black ride". Your choice of art work could not have been any better. Your poem was an easy read and enjoyable.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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A light and airy poem full of hope, joy and overcoming "a big black ride". Your choice of art work could not have been any better. Your poem was an easy read and enjoyable.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much for your lovely words :) Jaq xx
Comment from Rondeno
It sounds very autobiographical. I hope things haven't been quite as grim as you suggest here, but I fully sympathize with the desire to get away from pain and struggle. Very nice poem, Jacquie.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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It sounds very autobiographical. I hope things haven't been quite as grim as you suggest here, but I fully sympathize with the desire to get away from pain and struggle. Very nice poem, Jacquie.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Just a wee thing I threw together whilst at work today :). Thanks for reading Michael, much appreciated. <3 xx
Comment from kiwisteveh
Lovely positive message of enjoying life flows theough your poem.
The rhyming quatrains work well and the voice of the narrator is consistent.
Steve
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Lovely positive message of enjoying life flows theough your poem.
The rhyming quatrains work well and the voice of the narrator is consistent.
Steve
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much Steve :) Jaq xx
Comment from October21
An uplifting and wonderfully written poem my friend. Being set free is such a beautiful thing to write about. Very expressive. It just has a happy and lovely feel about it. Like one is being relieved from stress and walking into a peaceful world. How I wish it could be this way for everybody:-)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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An uplifting and wonderfully written poem my friend. Being set free is such a beautiful thing to write about. Very expressive. It just has a happy and lovely feel about it. Like one is being relieved from stress and walking into a peaceful world. How I wish it could be this way for everybody:-)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Thanks Shenel, I was sitting at work bored and fed up and this sprung to mind. Wishful thinking :) xxx
Comment from ephraim crud, COS.
i hope to alleviate some gloom
from oop in Dundee city
by virtue of the fact, dear Jaq,
i love your well penned ditty
and thus i give five yellow stars
and trust your little face
will raise a smile, if just a while,
though i hope it keeps a trace.
thank you for sharing.
warmly, eph.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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i hope to alleviate some gloom
from oop in Dundee city
by virtue of the fact, dear Jaq,
i love your well penned ditty
and thus i give five yellow stars
and trust your little face
will raise a smile, if just a while,
though i hope it keeps a trace.
thank you for sharing.
warmly, eph.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much ephraim your review did indeed raise a smile. Much appreciated. :) Jaq xx
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you're muchly welcome.
x, eph.
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Hi, Jaq.
here's a quickie example of how meter can imrrove flow. 1st stanza perhaps:
'i-WISH-that-I-could-FLOAT-a-WAY
up-ON-a-BIG-soft-CLOUD - 1ST 2 lines are perfect.
to-DIST-ant-PLA-ces-FULL-of-PLAY,
where-GROUGH-es-AREN'T-all-OWED.
I've only changed your words slightly, but I've incorporated alternatively stressed syllables for poetic meter. (da-DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM etc - 'da' being unstressed, and 'DUM' being stressed].
The rest of your excellent poem is metered in some lines, but not in others, and I hope you see what I'm trying to say, regards added flow in poetic meter.
Cheers, Ray
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Hi, Jaq.
here's a quickie example of how meter can imrrove flow. 1st stanza perhaps:
'i-WISH-that-I-could-FLOAT-a-WAY
up-ON-a-BIG-soft-CLOUD - 1ST 2 lines are perfect.
to-DIST-ant-PLA-ces-FULL-of-PLAY,
where-GROUGH-es-AREN'T-all-OWED.
I've only changed your words slightly, but I've incorporated alternatively stressed syllables for poetic meter. (da-DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM etc - 'da' being unstressed, and 'DUM' being stressed].
The rest of your excellent poem is metered in some lines, but not in others, and I hope you see what I'm trying to say, regards added flow in poetic meter.
Cheers, Ray
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Thanks Ray, I'll look at that again. You're a wee star. :) Jaq xx
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I've made those changes but I still struggle with understanding meter. :(
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It won't take long, Jaq, honestly. Just nod your head to the alternate stresed syllables as you write each line. Your mind will tell you straight away if it's wrong, then you just switch the words around, find similar wordes that fit, or just add the odd 'a' and 'the' whwre needed.
I must admit some people NEVER get it, and you need a natural musical beat in your head, but most of us have that if we try.
'Poessyapprentice' didn't have a clue to start, and she picked it up in no time.
Don't tell me you Jocks are dimmer than Yanks. LOL.
Don't worry, I won't nag you about it any more, but you'll honestly have more fun writing with the challenge of incorporating meter. I REALLY could NOT be able to write rhymed/meterd poetry without it, as I would choke on the line. :-) Ray xx
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Nag away I will get it right eventually :)). I take exception to the 'jock' remark. 'jockess' if you don't mind. LMAO. :)) I do have rhythm for dancing so maybe it will come in time xx
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My sincere apologies, my darling, sweet, pretty and fun JOCKESS, LOL.
Surely you must have emigrated from England. Tee-hee! xx
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Oi you I resemble that remark,(as a famous comedian used to say) That famous I've forgotten his name LOL. Wash your mouth out with carbolic soap. English!!! Never...
FREEEEEEDDDDDOOOOOMMMM!!! Hahahahaha xxx
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Well said, Jaq.
On a serious note, I'm utterly ashamed at how our pig ancestralal Kings treated the Scots. I was rootin for you lot in 'Braveheart'
I just wish some Scots didn't hate us for past evil deeds.
I genuinely admire you lot. After all, you make excellent politicians and football managers, so you have a natural air of authority and sound judgement - well, occasionally if politicians.
Respect to Scotland, and I MEAN that!
I'm sure England has a FAR greater ratio of human ar*eholes. No joking!
Ray xx
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We each have our quota of ar*eholes Ray :). I used to be married to an Englishman. My first mistake ;)). Only kidding. I don't hate anyone, life's too short xx
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:-) xx
Comment from Treischel
Very nicely written poem written in lovely alternate line rhyme and a peppy tempo that carries you along with a consistent 8-6 beat. The message is upbeat and whimsical. Good job!
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Very nicely written poem written in lovely alternate line rhyme and a peppy tempo that carries you along with a consistent 8-6 beat. The message is upbeat and whimsical. Good job!
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Treischel thanks once again for taking the time to read and review, appreciated as always. :) Jaq xx
