My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 85 "Pernicious People"All of my poems of release.
21 total reviews
Comment from Indie Skreet
well I guess this one was to good to win hey. I would take that as a compliment ;) Brilliantly written once again. Edgy, dark stuff, too much so for the 'average' fanstorian. So good not to be average innit? lol, best Indie
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2013
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well I guess this one was to good to win hey. I would take that as a compliment ;) Brilliantly written once again. Edgy, dark stuff, too much so for the 'average' fanstorian. So good not to be average innit? lol, best Indie
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2013
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Lol yea people tend to shy away from these issues on here. Unfortunately it is a part of some people's life. xxx
Comment from adewpearl
excellent alliterative title and dramatic illustration
powerful use of high-impact verbs like gouge and bare add to the dramatic intensity of this scene
excellent pure/cure rhyme
and more good alliteration in your closing stanzas
A solid poem about a most tragic topic Brooke
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2013
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excellent alliterative title and dramatic illustration
powerful use of high-impact verbs like gouge and bare add to the dramatic intensity of this scene
excellent pure/cure rhyme
and more good alliteration in your closing stanzas
A solid poem about a most tragic topic Brooke
Comment Written 05-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2013
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Thanks so much for reviewing this Brooke. :) Jaq x
Comment from ZBaron
The emotion that this poem radiates is very well done and you can feel the author's intensity as the voice, which is strong and direct, unravels the poem. Your use of alliteration is also well done and really, with is sparsity, was used to enhance the parts of this poem that you want to emphasize. Well done.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2013
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The emotion that this poem radiates is very well done and you can feel the author's intensity as the voice, which is strong and direct, unravels the poem. Your use of alliteration is also well done and really, with is sparsity, was used to enhance the parts of this poem that you want to emphasize. Well done.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2013
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Thanks ZBaron your review is very kind :) Jaq x
Comment from eowyn0003
Powerful poem, powerful message. Brave to post. I understand the victim in this poem. I wish I didn't but I do. There is no way to get over something like this, but a good friend once told me, you can get through it. But it does forever change you.
Lura
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2013
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Powerful poem, powerful message. Brave to post. I understand the victim in this poem. I wish I didn't but I do. There is no way to get over something like this, but a good friend once told me, you can get through it. But it does forever change you.
Lura
Comment Written 04-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2013
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Sorry to hear that you can empathise Lura. We have to get through it or they win again. Blessings and much love. :) Jaq x
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Thank you.
Blessing to you also.
Lura
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Who can suffer more than a child filled with trust who is violated by a friend, brother, father, uncle or trusted neighbor, maybe even a teacher or a priest.
They go through life with nightmares and lose faith that any people are good. How well your poem depicts the misery that Paedophile's create for sick pleasure.
Roger aka Marilyn's writing partner
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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Who can suffer more than a child filled with trust who is violated by a friend, brother, father, uncle or trusted neighbor, maybe even a teacher or a priest.
They go through life with nightmares and lose faith that any people are good. How well your poem depicts the misery that Paedophile's create for sick pleasure.
Roger aka Marilyn's writing partner
Comment Written 03-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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Thank you for your kind words and understanding.
Comment from doris1022
Sad write...well written. Fine work...well written for the entertainment of the fs crowd. hope you have a fine day and lords day. keep the flow smooth and creative. you have a sad beginnng.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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Sad write...well written. Fine work...well written for the entertainment of the fs crowd. hope you have a fine day and lords day. keep the flow smooth and creative. you have a sad beginnng.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your lovely review.
Comment from bard owl
People who molest children should immediately be put to death. FOr that reason, I believe in the death penalty. Your poem gives a very graphic picture of abuse and it's results. Excellent contest entry. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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People who molest children should immediately be put to death. FOr that reason, I believe in the death penalty. Your poem gives a very graphic picture of abuse and it's results. Excellent contest entry. Best of luck.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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I'm with you there. Thanks for reading.
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. I love the poem. I like the way you brought out the trust was betrayed. A child molester is worse that a rapist. He relies on the child's trust to help him do his dirty work. Great work.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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I love the picture. I love the poem. I like the way you brought out the trust was betrayed. A child molester is worse that a rapist. He relies on the child's trust to help him do his dirty work. Great work.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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Thanks for a great review elliejean
Comment from dragonpoet
The picture is as scary and sad as the words. This is the worst thing to happen to a child for it changes the child's view on what love is and means.
The form works well with limited rhyme and nice use of alliteration.
The girl seems to not want to see or hear what is going on and tries to hide.
Good luck and keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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The picture is as scary and sad as the words. This is the worst thing to happen to a child for it changes the child's view on what love is and means.
The form works well with limited rhyme and nice use of alliteration.
The girl seems to not want to see or hear what is going on and tries to hide.
Good luck and keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 02-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2013
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Dragonpoet your words are much appreciated.
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No problem, Jaq
dragonpoet
Comment from visionary1234
Well you certainly fulfilled the requirements of this prompt - human suffering - portrayed graphically, but concentrating on the permanent damage. Good write!
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Well you certainly fulfilled the requirements of this prompt - human suffering - portrayed graphically, but concentrating on the permanent damage. Good write!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for your kind words xx
