Comment from CHANGE IN MOTION

Excellent

I thought it had good content and form. The flow was great and understood, an easy read. Keep up the good work. I like the picture it carried the thought well.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013

Thanks for such a nice review, change.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Your poem is in excellent diatelle form and looks beautifully in its shaping
strong rhymes
great consonance of L sounds in all life's problems close
good touch of alliteration in work/wife
good internal rhyme of know/row
nice alliteration in shining shore
and in finally free
I like the way you come full circle to the opening line - is that part of the form like in the rictameter?
Brooke

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013

Thank you Brooke for the stellar review. That was how the examples of it did it, so I followed the example.

Comment from mystery poet

Excellent

You have crafted a marvelous story in this writing
form and one we all can relate to. It holds much
wisdom and a great idea! Let's just go...nothing to
stop us now. I love it...and now I'm off

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013

Thanks mystery. Bon Voyage!

reply by mystery poet on 21-Jan-2013

Buenos Nachos! Cheers...

Comment from rod007

Excellent

I wish I was free, I am still in the "chore" stage. This poem had a good rhythmic beat and your poem holds the hope of retirement and freedom. I hope it comes soon to me. Well done.

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013

Thank you my friend.

Comment from sunnilicious

Excellent

Passport to see the world. That is wisdom to give a grandchild or someone leaving for college. But it really is personality based. Well thought out. Nicely written. Great style. Excellent work.

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thanks so much sunnilicious.

Comment from Papabearua

Excellent

A diatelle is new to me but I think you did a great job with it. Your syllable count and rhyme scheme are dead on. I agree with seeing the world while young but it's hard to due it after retirement as more people are having to work so many years before they can retire.

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Yes, Papabeara, plus health becomes an issue too!

Comment from oNray

Excellent

this is a good flowing poem with a strong presentation in word and form. Well chosen words do speak of what every married couple seeks- I guess any more you don't have to be married----- enjoyable poem

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thank you for visiting oNray and rendering a great review.

Comment from Glasstruth

Excellent

Your poem is a work of art. The shape, rhyming and flow moves as if it didn't have a strict diatelle restriction. The freedom to be yourself as in youth, retirement is so true. Wonderfully written! Les

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thank you Les. Thanks for your time and good review.

Comment from Joannforsberg

Excellent

Hello, you will find tonight I am posting repeating reviews as I read each writers poem. I am in shock right now as just found out my daughter-in-law father (age 55) collapsed today from a large brain tumor. We share the granddaughter of Avery. I am reading every word that I promise, as I can not sleep even if I try. Yet, I also do not have the strength to think. So as reading is what I need right now your words offer a place away from my own pain. Thank you it shall be helpful to read here. Blessings, Jo

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Oh Jo, so sorry to hear about your daughter-in-laws father. Let us pray for a complete recovery, and for the family. Peace be with you.