My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 109 "Senryu (Winter's Blanket)"All of my poems of release.
8 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend a beautiful image painted with your words you have done extremely well I enjoyed regards Jill
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2012
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Yes this is well written my friend a beautiful image painted with your words you have done extremely well I enjoyed regards Jill
Comment Written 15-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2012
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Thank you Jill very much appreciated as always. :) Jaq x
Comment from Jamezy
Well done my friend.. Your a very talented Lady indeed...
You gather words from thin air and transform them into wonderful things with such ease and grace.. I look forward to your posts always my friend , with the French sounding name.... x
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2012
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Well done my friend.. Your a very talented Lady indeed...
You gather words from thin air and transform them into wonderful things with such ease and grace.. I look forward to your posts always my friend , with the French sounding name.... x
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2012
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Jamezy you are too kind. Thanks you for a lovely review. You're words are being recognised also. As it should be. :) Jaq x
Comment from October21
Hellothere, enjoyed this one, love how you describe winter as enveloping us as it brings it to life and lovely use of imagery to describe it.
Wonderful poetry and merry Christmas!:)
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Hellothere, enjoyed this one, love how you describe winter as enveloping us as it brings it to life and lovely use of imagery to describe it.
Wonderful poetry and merry Christmas!:)
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely review. Merry Christmas to you also Shenel. I didn't realise you were this side of the water. Hope you haven't got too many problems with the weather where you are. :) Jaq x
Comment from Slythytove2
Your poem was very good but I'm thinking you might have missed an opportunity in keeping the last line so closely akin to the first two. In this style of condensed and concentrated form every letter has the possibility of altering the entire meaning. The first line or two usually point a straight path and single perspective to the whole. It's the last line or two that is the juxtaposition and offers the challenge and gives the piece depth. Not to belittle your work in any way because it is very good- but what would you have to think about if after the first two lines you wrote something like "heated by the cold " or "warmth beneath the ice." Just a thought. Good work.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Your poem was very good but I'm thinking you might have missed an opportunity in keeping the last line so closely akin to the first two. In this style of condensed and concentrated form every letter has the possibility of altering the entire meaning. The first line or two usually point a straight path and single perspective to the whole. It's the last line or two that is the juxtaposition and offers the challenge and gives the piece depth. Not to belittle your work in any way because it is very good- but what would you have to think about if after the first two lines you wrote something like "heated by the cold " or "warmth beneath the ice." Just a thought. Good work.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much for your help I do like your suggestions. I'm still learning and gratefully accept all constructive criticism. :) Jaq xx
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a nice piece of nature poetry describing
the season of winter in very beautiful language.
I like the second line most. It's very well written. cheers
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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This is a nice piece of nature poetry describing
the season of winter in very beautiful language.
I like the second line most. It's very well written. cheers
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much Perp, you're very kind review is much appreciated. :) Jaq x
Comment from Spike the second
Hello Jaq
Do you have snow up there?
Down near London we are having liquid sunshine. Certainly no heat though. What makes me laugh is the wether forecaster saying it's mild at 9 degree. Mild my a***! LOL
Superb poem my friend, ah how I would love that snow down here. Blow work I do it from home. But snow makes a special Christmas and down here we haven't had a full snowy Christmas for a long time. We've had it on the ground but it's semi melted.
Blessings
Spike
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Hello Jaq
Do you have snow up there?
Down near London we are having liquid sunshine. Certainly no heat though. What makes me laugh is the wether forecaster saying it's mild at 9 degree. Mild my a***! LOL
Superb poem my friend, ah how I would love that snow down here. Blow work I do it from home. But snow makes a special Christmas and down here we haven't had a full snowy Christmas for a long time. We've had it on the ground but it's semi melted.
Blessings
Spike
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Cheers Spike, we have had it in bits but nothing too harsh as yet. It's only a matter of time tho'. :) Thanks for your review my friend. :) Jaq x
Comment from terry drake
Your haiku on winter is well done with a visual image to appreciate. You did well and held true to the challenge. Congratulations on a job well done.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Your haiku on winter is well done with a visual image to appreciate. You did well and held true to the challenge. Congratulations on a job well done.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Thank you Terry for your kind review. It's been pointed out it's more a Senryu. I'm afraid I'm not too 'up' on these styles. :) Jaq x
Comment from Gungalo
Snow envelopes us
white winter shawl drawn around
no heat, only cold
I would interpret this one to be a senryu JC because of the shawl. It is not nature but manmade and therefor would thrown this one over to senryu. However, with so many changes today it's probably okay.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Snow envelopes us
white winter shawl drawn around
no heat, only cold
I would interpret this one to be a senryu JC because of the shawl. It is not nature but manmade and therefor would thrown this one over to senryu. However, with so many changes today it's probably okay.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much Gungalo, I will change the title. You are so kind to help me out. :) Jaq x
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Smile.
