My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 113 "'Virtually' Home."All of my poems of release.
9 total reviews
Comment from Spike the second
This is super Jaq
I quite agree, even if there are tender points in others 'ganging' up to vote for their favourites, this is a great place to showcase and learn. The world is certainly smaller thanks to the web. But we also see how much we are all alike in the west. Americans, Brits, Irish, Canadians, Aussies, Kiwi's etc we all speak a common language and have a lot more in common than we ever thought. You have portrayed a lot of peoples feelings and this is a great poem.
Blessings
Spike
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2012
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This is super Jaq
I quite agree, even if there are tender points in others 'ganging' up to vote for their favourites, this is a great place to showcase and learn. The world is certainly smaller thanks to the web. But we also see how much we are all alike in the west. Americans, Brits, Irish, Canadians, Aussies, Kiwi's etc we all speak a common language and have a lot more in common than we ever thought. You have portrayed a lot of peoples feelings and this is a great poem.
Blessings
Spike
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2012
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Thanks so much Spike always great to hear from you. If we can get over the 'playground rivalry' of some, it is indeed a place to meet like-minded and lovely people from all corners of the earth. :) Jaq xx
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi Jaq, This is a creative and wonderful way to look at it. Well penned, and filled with gratitude and caring.
I enjoyed reading this one. Thanks for sharing and Happy Holidays.
Maureen
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Hi Jaq, This is a creative and wonderful way to look at it. Well penned, and filled with gratitude and caring.
I enjoyed reading this one. Thanks for sharing and Happy Holidays.
Maureen
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much Maureen. Always appreciated xx
Comment from Gungalo
Well as far as am concerned girl, this is home and you are welcome here as much as anyone else. I'm glad you came and I love that you love poetry.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Well as far as am concerned girl, this is home and you are welcome here as much as anyone else. I'm glad you came and I love that you love poetry.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much Gungalo I do indeed love words. Yours are among the best I've read. :) Jaq xx
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Thanks and a great big smile to you.
Comment from 9999pool
Yes, so true. This virtual home is so meaningful with all the nice souls and a few not so nice that without this home in virtual space, we will end up somewhere unimaginable, LOL! For 1 point and 2 cents, I am doing this review, LOL. I did it cos I want to see this virtual home in a poem. Each line brings forth a real message of this home. I couldn't agree more. Great work and tribute to FS. For those who don't find FS interesting enough, it is because they have other hidden agendas besides your and mine, LOL. Cheers.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Yes, so true. This virtual home is so meaningful with all the nice souls and a few not so nice that without this home in virtual space, we will end up somewhere unimaginable, LOL! For 1 point and 2 cents, I am doing this review, LOL. I did it cos I want to see this virtual home in a poem. Each line brings forth a real message of this home. I couldn't agree more. Great work and tribute to FS. For those who don't find FS interesting enough, it is because they have other hidden agendas besides your and mine, LOL. Cheers.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Thanks so much 9999pool, much appreciated indeed. I know what you mean about agendas. All I want is to write and learn. :) xx
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Same here. It os so good just to be able to share our stories here. If you want to find out how I paid tribute to FS, try checking out my poem "A Fan's Story - PART 1 to 3". It have you up in jitters and you will want to finish all three parts at a go, LOL. Merry FS Christmas, Richie the cheesszzky.
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Hi Richie I will check it out tomorrow :) Jaq
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Good on you Jaq, hope you can find your Christmas cheer and joy in that poem, LOL. Ritchie.
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Huge smiles
First review (FOUR stars)
How sweet and gloriously sincere, dear Jaq. I adore your use of Nirvana here, too. Love the artwork as well--a pitch perfect match. The world in our palms, indeed!
Very nice opening--note one spag typo:
I wandered into
hallowed space,
A 'virtual'
Nirvana.
the "A" should not be capped, as it follows a comma. Suggest-
I wandered into
hallowed space,
a 'virtual'
Nirvana.
*
I penned my words
then passed them
'round, (THIS comma is optional - suggest trimming)
for everyone to
see.
*
Some have liked them,
others not, (;)
Love this line and sentiment:
All I want
is to touch
one heart,
then my day's
fulfilled.
AND YOU TOUCHED MINE today!
*
Whilst gliding through,(no comma here)
the atmosphere,
I've made a friend
or two.
*
You see(,) I've
'met'
some lovely souls,
most of whom
I'll cherish.
*I'm finding my
feet, (. or ; or --)
*
I learn daily,(no ,)
new styles that
catch my eye. (use comma here so the sentence continues naturally)
F(f)rom writers who
encapture my heart,
to those that
me make
smile.
Good to hear this:
I think I'll
stay around awhile,
this feels like
'virtual' home.
*I think I'll
stay around awhile,(;)
this feels like
'virtual' home.
NOTE-
With all above suggestions, here's the edit:
I wandered into
hallowed space,
a 'virtual'
Nirvana.
I penned my words
then passed them
'round
for everyone to
see.
Some have liked them,
others not;
some just pass
on by.
All I want
is to touch
one heart,
then my day's
fulfilled.
Whilst gliding through
the atmosphere,
I've made a friend
or two.
You see, I've
'met'
some lovely souls,
most of whom
I'll cherish.
I'm finding my
feet.
I learn daily
new styles that
catch my eye
from writers who
encapture my heart,
to those that
me make
smile.
I'm glad I
happened by
this way.
So thankful for
the help.
I think I'll
stay around awhile,(; pr -- or .)
this feels like
'virtual' home.
Enjoyed this sweet poetic tribute to our mutual virtual home. The rating is for spag nits, not content. Happy to upgrade if you make some edits--let me know.
Nice flow!
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
|
Second review
Huge smiles
First review (FOUR stars)
How sweet and gloriously sincere, dear Jaq. I adore your use of Nirvana here, too. Love the artwork as well--a pitch perfect match. The world in our palms, indeed!
Very nice opening--note one spag typo:
I wandered into
hallowed space,
A 'virtual'
Nirvana.
the "A" should not be capped, as it follows a comma. Suggest-
I wandered into
hallowed space,
a 'virtual'
Nirvana.
*
I penned my words
then passed them
'round, (THIS comma is optional - suggest trimming)
for everyone to
see.
*
Some have liked them,
others not, (;)
Love this line and sentiment:
All I want
is to touch
one heart,
then my day's
fulfilled.
AND YOU TOUCHED MINE today!
*
Whilst gliding through,(no comma here)
the atmosphere,
I've made a friend
or two.
*
You see(,) I've
'met'
some lovely souls,
most of whom
I'll cherish.
*I'm finding my
feet, (. or ; or --)
*
I learn daily,(no ,)
new styles that
catch my eye. (use comma here so the sentence continues naturally)
F(f)rom writers who
encapture my heart,
to those that
me make
smile.
Good to hear this:
I think I'll
stay around awhile,
this feels like
'virtual' home.
*I think I'll
stay around awhile,(;)
this feels like
'virtual' home.
NOTE-
With all above suggestions, here's the edit:
I wandered into
hallowed space,
a 'virtual'
Nirvana.
I penned my words
then passed them
'round
for everyone to
see.
Some have liked them,
others not;
some just pass
on by.
All I want
is to touch
one heart,
then my day's
fulfilled.
Whilst gliding through
the atmosphere,
I've made a friend
or two.
You see, I've
'met'
some lovely souls,
most of whom
I'll cherish.
I'm finding my
feet.
I learn daily
new styles that
catch my eye
from writers who
encapture my heart,
to those that
me make
smile.
I'm glad I
happened by
this way.
So thankful for
the help.
I think I'll
stay around awhile,(; pr -- or .)
this feels like
'virtual' home.
Enjoyed this sweet poetic tribute to our mutual virtual home. The rating is for spag nits, not content. Happy to upgrade if you make some edits--let me know.
Nice flow!
Love,
rd
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
-
Of course I'll edit rd my friend always grateful for your help. Thank you so much. Bless you xx
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Thanks so much Rama it does indeed flow better, :) Jaq x
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Thanks JC - nice edits! Hugs, rd
Comment from Treischel
The fine sentiments expressed in this heartwarming poem flow so sweetly in this free verse format that is expertly crafted to pulse with the rhythm of a loving soul. I say welcome to this home, I also found recently. Pull up a comfy chair and sit a spell.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
|
The fine sentiments expressed in this heartwarming poem flow so sweetly in this free verse format that is expertly crafted to pulse with the rhythm of a loving soul. I say welcome to this home, I also found recently. Pull up a comfy chair and sit a spell.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
-
Thank you so much as always Treischel. Much appreciated. :) Jaq x
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Hi, Jaq.
Suggest de-capitalising 'A' in 3rd line.
4th stanza, maybe 'make me smile' as it seems awkward as is.
delete comma after 'daily'.
An excellent tribute to the writers on site, and I'm so pleased yo're happy being a member. As far as I'm concerned, it's great having you around.
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
|
Hi, Jaq.
Suggest de-capitalising 'A' in 3rd line.
4th stanza, maybe 'make me smile' as it seems awkward as is.
delete comma after 'daily'.
An excellent tribute to the writers on site, and I'm so pleased yo're happy being a member. As far as I'm concerned, it's great having you around.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
-
Cheers for all your help and smiles also Ray. Glad to have you about too. :) Jaq xx
Comment from October21
Hiya Jaq, this is such a lovely poem about your appreciation and journey through FS. FS is home for me too and I wouldn't be who I am without it. It teaches us so much.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
|
Hiya Jaq, this is such a lovely poem about your appreciation and journey through FS. FS is home for me too and I wouldn't be who I am without it. It teaches us so much.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Cheers Shenel it certainly does. I'm glad you are part of my journey. :) Jaq x
Comment from Rondeno
Hi, Jacqueline!
What a lovely, warm-hearted poem! The "ballad" rhythm works perfectly, and I love the shape you've given it. I hope, in my little way, I'm one of the ones who's made you smile.
Hugs,
Michael
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Hi, Jacqueline!
What a lovely, warm-hearted poem! The "ballad" rhythm works perfectly, and I love the shape you've given it. I hope, in my little way, I'm one of the ones who's made you smile.
Hugs,
Michael
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Indeed you have Michael and aided my learning curve. Thank you. Jacqueline xx
