My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 124 "Lonely Tears."All of my poems of release.
14 total reviews
Comment from Indie Skreet
I would six you on this if I could but f/s says 'no'. this one is so poignant and speaks volumes. No reader could fail to be moved by your roads, which flow beautifully, as your tears. warmly Indie xx
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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I would six you on this if I could but f/s says 'no'. this one is so poignant and speaks volumes. No reader could fail to be moved by your roads, which flow beautifully, as your tears. warmly Indie xx
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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Thanks so much Indie, as always a pleasure to hear your thoughts. :) Jaq xx
Comment from Sally Carter
A very touching poem. I felt this was written from personal experience, and if not - well, you must have thought yourself very convincingly into the mind of another person. Great empathy! I certainly felt sadness as I read your words.
I did look at other reviews, and I can see someone pointed out that this was meant to be a free verse entry. So I've not marked down on that, but simply read it as a poem in its own right.
The whole poem is strong, but I specially liked the closing couplet, which is no doubt how many of us try to hide our feelings and seem strong.
My only tiny comment is that it should be "its toll" - it's = it is, its = belonging to.
Best wishes, and if this is autobiographical, hope the sadness has eased.
Sally
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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A very touching poem. I felt this was written from personal experience, and if not - well, you must have thought yourself very convincingly into the mind of another person. Great empathy! I certainly felt sadness as I read your words.
I did look at other reviews, and I can see someone pointed out that this was meant to be a free verse entry. So I've not marked down on that, but simply read it as a poem in its own right.
The whole poem is strong, but I specially liked the closing couplet, which is no doubt how many of us try to hide our feelings and seem strong.
My only tiny comment is that it should be "its toll" - it's = it is, its = belonging to.
Best wishes, and if this is autobiographical, hope the sadness has eased.
Sally
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for that Sally. It is a wonderful review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I realised I'd kind of disqualified myself because I hadn't read the rules properly. That's not a problem. If I'd know how to take myself out of the contest I would have. Once again thanks for the review and the help, I'll sort that now. :) Jaq x
Comment from Charlene0513
An expression of fear of the unknown and the emptiness that grips her as if she was a lost bird waiting to be heard.
An excellent picture to show your forlornness.
Charlene
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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An expression of fear of the unknown and the emptiness that grips her as if she was a lost bird waiting to be heard.
An excellent picture to show your forlornness.
Charlene
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much Charlene :) Jaq xx
Comment from mtnspirit
Hi,
The pain of lonliness has certainly been expressed in this one. Your words match perfectly with this picture and a sad one it is. I suppose we have all felt this way at some point. Good job and best wishes with this contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Hi,
The pain of lonliness has certainly been expressed in this one. Your words match perfectly with this picture and a sad one it is. I suppose we have all felt this way at some point. Good job and best wishes with this contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely review. :) Jaq x
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this free verse poem about trying to hide the pain of loneliness from others. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this free verse poem about trying to hide the pain of loneliness from others. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Thanks swj for you review it is much appreciated. :) Jaq x
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. I love the poem. We can be the mot alone when in a crowd. That personal touch to our heart and body is just not there. Touching souls, no matter how causally, makes our hearts soar. Great work.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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I love the picture. I love the poem. We can be the mot alone when in a crowd. That personal touch to our heart and body is just not there. Touching souls, no matter how causally, makes our hearts soar. Great work.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Thank you elliejean, your reviews are always lovely.
Comment from Rose Hearth
By definition, free verse poetry does not adhere to a standard rhyme scheme or meter, but does have a subtle flow that distinguishes it from prose. This is a lovely abab rhyming poem with a nice meter, but not suitable for the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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By definition, free verse poetry does not adhere to a standard rhyme scheme or meter, but does have a subtle flow that distinguishes it from prose. This is a lovely abab rhyming poem with a nice meter, but not suitable for the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Ahhhh so it is free verse. It will teach me to read things properly.
Comment from alexisleech
Your sad but beautiful poem expresses so well what loneliness is all about through the eyes of someone experiencing it. As a widow I remember it well, and can identify with every word. Well done, and good luck in the competition.
Alexis x
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Your sad but beautiful poem expresses so well what loneliness is all about through the eyes of someone experiencing it. As a widow I remember it well, and can identify with every word. Well done, and good luck in the competition.
Alexis x
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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I've been disqualified I guess as it was meant to be free verse.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Very stark image of lonliness. Amazing isn't it, even someone with many friends could feel lonely. I especially liked your ending echoing the tears that hopefully won't show. I felt like I hit a bump though when you wrote...Can't remember when..((perhaps..)) Last time I felt wanted, I can't recall...Just a thought. Hope my input helps and hopefully, this website has given you an outlet to meet new friends and like-minded writers as yourself. Isn't this great, exposing our deepest secrets of lonliness. Take care.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Very stark image of lonliness. Amazing isn't it, even someone with many friends could feel lonely. I especially liked your ending echoing the tears that hopefully won't show. I felt like I hit a bump though when you wrote...Can't remember when..((perhaps..)) Last time I felt wanted, I can't recall...Just a thought. Hope my input helps and hopefully, this website has given you an outlet to meet new friends and like-minded writers as yourself. Isn't this great, exposing our deepest secrets of lonliness. Take care.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much Benjamin your words work well. I made an error by not reading the rules properly. Ah well, c'est la vie. :)
Comment from tinlight
Your last couplet goes to the heart of the matter. Why are we ashamed to admit to loneliness? Why do we feel obliged to smile in public and hide our tears, or else hide ourselves away from polite society? There seems to be a social stigma attached to being on one's own, as well as to displaying our need for others. Thank goodness our pets aren't concerned with such absurdities! There's many a human minght have died of heartache if not for the love of a dog, cat or horse.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Your last couplet goes to the heart of the matter. Why are we ashamed to admit to loneliness? Why do we feel obliged to smile in public and hide our tears, or else hide ourselves away from polite society? There seems to be a social stigma attached to being on one's own, as well as to displaying our need for others. Thank goodness our pets aren't concerned with such absurdities! There's many a human minght have died of heartache if not for the love of a dog, cat or horse.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Yes we do feel obliged to 'keep a stiff upper lip' when there is nothing wrong with showing your feelings. Thanks for a wonderful review.
